Struggling : I am really struggling... - Mental Health Sup...

Mental Health Support

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I am really struggling today. I am totally isolated. I have no one to speak to. I feel utterly alone. I have two kids and sole responsibility for them and I am failing them. I can't function well, they are seeing such a poor example of an adult totally socially isolated. My younger daughter takes on my depression and feels she has to look out for me. I have to make huge decisions soon I have almost no money, no job, no friends locally and only a couple living round the world. I am utterly lost I don't know how to be alive and be a parent and make a good life. I feel absolutely at the end. If my girls' father was around I'd take them to him...but I cannot I'm stuck. I just want the pain and distress in my head to end. I can't do this any more. And yet there is no one who is going to help me. I have therapy once a week and for that hour and a bit after I feel a bit better. I think it's as much human connection as anything else. I honestly don't want to be alive if this is it but I love my girls more than life. I just feel such a total failure I just want a quiet life and I can't do it and I see no way forward I have tried a lot of things and still I am here.

Sorry, I hate self pity and that's not who I am. I am just very very scared. Because I just see nothing ahead.

15 Replies

You are in a very deep place and it is understandable that you are feeling frightened. Are your children in counselling? It concerns me that your daughter feels she has to take care of you. How old is she, it is a habit that will be detrimental to her as she matures.

Does your therapist know that you are feeling this way? I think it would be important for the therapist to know what you have posted here. You may need to be seen more than once a week.

You say there is no one who can help and yet you see a therapist, this is a person who should be able to give you some insight and suggestions.

What about local agencies?

Check out the Pinned Posts for Crisis Hotlines, reach out and be honest about what you need.

Many years ago, I walked this same path. It was hard as you have described and I too was a single parent living in undiagnosed depression, attempting to balance the needs of two young sons. In a situation like this, you need to become a "resource detective" sleuthing to find needed supports and applying what you have learned and believing that help exists Our thoughts are powerful things, ,LouBlou30.

When feeling this overwhelmed, it is important to keep hydrated and to eat regular meals so your brain and body can function properly under the weight of this level of stress.

Do you attend church? Can you speak to your Pastor?

I am going to pray that you find the help you need. I wish you well.

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Hidden in reply to PNIAuthor60

Thank you for your response. My younger daughter is 14. I hate that she worries about me, she has had a lot of counselling following multiple bereavements and my divorce. I cannot afford a therapist more often. I don't attend church. My family have all died and my few friends moved away over the last two years. I have tried classes and a job hoping to build a social network but I haven't made any new friends. I run when I feel strong enough. I have just fallen this minute fallen apart with the sorrow that my life with my kids is so far from how I wanted it to be and i can never get it back. I feel I am on another planet I don't understand and I don't know how to be alive here. I do tend to stop eating so your message has prompted me to go and find something I might eat. Thanks for your kindness.

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PNIAuthor60 in reply to Hidden

I am so sorry to hear of so many losses in your life and that of your daughter.

Ok, let's remember that in this moment life is not what you want it to be. You're right, you can't get it back but healthy decisions in these present moments can produce a healthier future. I am a walking, living testimony to that fact. I got a scholarship for a program that may help you and can be done online. I believe you might qualify for a scholarship as well and will send you the information via pm at the end of the day if that would help??

With your permission, I will share this post with the instructor of the program. Think about it and let me know your thoughts.

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Hidden in reply to PNIAuthor60

Thank you for your time in replying. Your calm and grounded voice is really welcome to me right now. I would certainly be interested in the course you mention, I would do anything to find a way out of this dark place. Your kindness has taken some fear from my day, thank you.

Hi LouBlou30, Welcome to this supportive community. I'm so glad that you have been able to open and share how you are feeling. As you have begun to see, the folks here are very willing to come alongside you and share from their experiences. I know that you are in a dark place at the moment, but life is worth living, especially for your children. It's good that you are in therapy. You do need to look after yourself for yours and their sakes. Does your doctor know how you are feeling at the moment, as he/she may be able to offer you some other medical advice too?

I'm not sure which country or part of the world you live in, but if you feel you are in crisis, do keep our international crisis support lines handy:

If you live in the UK:

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

SANEline: 0300 304 7000 4.30pm – 10.30pm daily

Keep in touch, you are not alone, we are listening.

Best wishes,

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Hidden in reply to MAS_Nurse

Thank you. I am glad to have found this site, today I have felt utterly alone in the world. Its so important to have some interaction with kind humans so you have made a difference today.

Compassion and love flying your way.

You are completely overwhelmed with little support. And lonely. It sounds like life has battered you somewhat and left you with little to cling on to..

But you are clinging. In fact you are doing much more then that. You are surviving. Be fiercely proud of that.

Our expectations of how our life will be, particularly the life we badly w at our children to have, never happen. And all expectations do is lead to huge disappointment.....if only we could completely turn off the human need to create expectations of parents, children, marriage, partners, jobs, life....we could avoid so much disappointment.

Could you start to do that? Reassess those expectations in order to manage your narrative about the disappointment? Just a little...start small?

Your children’s father is not around from what I he is not an option. Don’t keep going there.

And it is your children that will get you through this. You have no choice.

Currently you are going to have to prioritise your worrying. You haven’t got enough room for some of it so please put it in a cupboard for later.

Just deal with the most urgent. I’m afraid there is not much you can do to lessen your daughters load, she will worry about you whatever. It’s difficult not to offload on her but I would include her in your thought processes regarding any action you are taking. Eg, when I’m feeling bad I’m going to got to bed for a few hours, I don’t want you to worry because this is what I do to feel better.

Try and make the running a regular thing. A habit. Something you do without thinking like cleaning your teeth. You do have the strength to make this happen, do not listen to your head.

At the end of the day, no one is going to help you.

You have to be your own hero, you just don’t know your own strength yet because you don’t think you can do it alone. But by god you can and you will and then you will fly 😘😘

There is absolutely no doubt you need human connection, getting your head in the right place will have a knock on effect on people around you. I always advocate volunteering at your local charity shop or contact will get away from your head and your situation for a while, you will meet new people, be busy, be helping others and it could lead to a job but most definitely lead to friendships.

You will get through this and you will come out stronger then you have ever been will have taught your daughter that life is about adversity and that we can go down, but that we rise up as well.

You are a survivor keep on surviving.

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Hidden in reply to Foof

Thank you for your wise and kind response. It has helped me a lot. Today I am feeling a tiny but stronger. I will re-read your message and those of the others here to get through the days.

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Hiya, so sorry to hear you are is a word we here a lot here so you are in good company. I can assure you, as other posters have, that there is a way forward, although you may not be able to see that at the moment. Looking after your physical health, eating healthily and getting exercise will definitley help. You being physically healthy will take the pressure off your daughter. Running as part of a group is a great idea. Just try to take on thing at a time and prioritise the essential. And please don't reflect on the past...none of us can ever go back. Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up, be patient and keep moving foward and good things will come you way. Take care,

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out. Isn't it amazing what some kind and positive words from strangers can do to help. Today is a slightly better day and I am making bread and managing a bit of housework. And taking time to sit and read. I definitely need to learn not to beat myself up about what has gone before or what hasn't happened. I guess thats a process...

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Making bread is a wonderful way to spend a few hours.....I have just bought a new loaf tin, after my last effort stuck to the bottom ! Definitely theraputic.....and more enjoyable than washing the floor ! Be kind to yourself and bake more bread - that's a good motto for life.

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

I like that motto...kneading bread is good can get the odd thump in too!!! Thank you for your kindness.

Hi LouBlou

I hope you are feeling better today and that you have eaten properly and maybe been for a run. I am thinking of you and your daughter and send my very best wishes for you both.

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Hidden in reply to Jeannial

Thank you so much that means the world. Today was better until evening....i find as it gets dark I struggle more. But I got out to a coffee shop with my book for an hour. Baked some bread. And managed to eat a bit. So that is an improvement from yesterday. Thank you for your kindness in reaching out.

Stay strong. When it gets dark I read a book. Never used to read fiction but I started on the books about Jack Reacher and I was hooked. I read about 5 pages and fall asleep!

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