I am really struggling today. I am totally isolated. I have no one to speak to. I feel utterly alone. I have two kids and sole responsibility for them and I am failing them. I can't function well, they are seeing such a poor example of an adult totally socially isolated. My younger daughter takes on my depression and feels she has to look out for me. I have to make huge decisions soon I have almost no money, no job, no friends locally and only a couple living round the world. I am utterly lost I don't know how to be alive and be a parent and make a good life. I feel absolutely at the end. If my girls' father was around I'd take them to him...but I cannot I'm stuck. I just want the pain and distress in my head to end. I can't do this any more. And yet there is no one who is going to help me. I have therapy once a week and for that hour and a bit after I feel a bit better. I think it's as much human connection as anything else. I honestly don't want to be alive if this is it but I love my girls more than life. I just feel such a total failure I just want a quiet life and I can't do it and I see no way forward I have tried a lot of things and still I am here.
Sorry, I hate self pity and that's not who I am. I am just very very scared. Because I just see nothing ahead.