Feel so hopeless

[jadiel93]

Hiya, I’m new to this, I recently came across this when i felt like giving up and I have been scared to write how I feel completely but reading everyone comments made me feel strong enough to do so I feel so lost and need some support from people who understand what I’m going through.

I have been suffering from severe depression and anxiety for what it feels a very long time, it has completely taken over my life, I keep trying to take steps forward, then end up taking so many back and now I’m at the point where I can’t take it anymore I feel so lost and helpless. It’s like I don’t know how to try anymore, I’ve just lost all hope and I don’t how to get it back and I’m so scared I feel like I need to protect myself from me and all of my thoughts. I feel trapped and I wanna escape and I’m just at the point where I’m starting not to care. I don’t know how to stay strong anymore.

[Hidden]

I would suggest Jadie you make an appointment and see your GP, make a list of your concerns to make better use of the time you have with our GP.

You are lacking confidence and this is upsetting you live and it is trying to control you.

Have you any ideas why you have come to this time of your life.

Try Mindfulness a Relaxation Technique and take a good look at why you feel the way you do. Given help and understanding will help you move on.

BOB

[jadiel93 in reply to Hidden]

I think I do need to make a list, I think that would help thank you. I do have regular appointments with my doctor to get my tablets but when I go in there I always feel like there is something else and I don’t want to bother them with it all. I have recently found the right therapist for me and have started CBT but at the minute it’s early stages so not really feeling anything. I’m just so scared Incase things don’t get better. I have missed an appointment recently because I felt to bad to leave the house which I also missed getting my tablets and I don’t know what made my feel worse I just woke up feeling so bad and it’s making me so frustrated. And your right I have no confidence at all it’s gone I feel like I don’t even recognize myself anymore I don’t like myself at all.

To be honest I think me getting to this point in my life has been multiple things over the years and it’s just built up and one day out of no where nothing happened and it started and got worse and worse and I had to get help and it’s been since then but recently I just feel so bad But I haven’t found my triggers yet I feel like I don’t understand and it makes me so angry and I never used to be angry person.

I have just started some mindfulness which I definitely will stick at. I just want my life back I’m so scared of everything I can’t take it.

Thank you so much for messaging

Jadie

[Hidden in reply to jadiel93]

It is important Jadie you do not miss any of your appointments, in some areas if you miss upward of three they can withdraw the Service. You are as you say in early days, hopefully given time and further assessment you will learn how to approach your problems and address them. Mental Health is the poor relation of the NHS. Your CBT will mostly last for 10/12 Sessions, after that I would hope you will be able to move on

Good Luck, Keep a Hold

BOB

[jadiel93 in reply to Hidden]

I know I don’t want to miss any of my appointments because I really need them just I find it hard leaving the house because of how scared I am When I do. When I leave the house it’s like my body goes in to shock and then all the physical symptoms start so I go back in to my comfort zone because i feel safe there.

And I hope I do learn how how to approach my problems and also understand my triggers. This is the third therapist I have been referred to the first team said they couldn’t help because I needed more intense therapy so they referred me to them then I started that but then I started seeing things often and also hearing things so my doctor then referred me to the early intervention team and that is who I see now. When I first went I saw 2 lady’s for my first 2 appointments now the lady i see she is doing the CBT with me to get me ready for my therapy with the other lady as I’m on her waiting list I just hope I start feeling better because at the minute I feel so bad I’m not sure if my tablets need to be changed again or not. I’m just so scared Bob just wanna feel normal again I go sleep feeling sad and I wake up feeling the same feel hopeless half of the time. I avoid everything and everyone I have literally isolated myself and I feel so alone but I can’t help it. Just want my life back.

Jadie.

[Hidden in reply to jadiel93]

O god you just sound like me.. I can relate to everything you say, I am exactly the same. Used to be out going and fun an now I very rarely leave my house and don't want to see anyone. Totally different person and either angry or upset never happy

[jadiel93 in reply to Hidden]

It’s so hard isn’t it. I was the same I used to love going out all the time and having fun now I’m to scared to I feel like a totally different person as well I hate it. I feel so horrible all the time I cry so much I also can relate to being angry as well it’s so frustrating. I want things to change so bad but I’m finding it hard to help myself I won’t even see my friends and even though I feel so alone i still isolate myself I hate it 😭

[Hidden in reply to jadiel93]

Yes me too, I've cut myself off from friends an family an then I feel guilty but I just can't be bothered with anyone. I'm like you I want to be better again but on the other hand I've sort of given up because I haven't the energy to fight anymore

[jadiel93 in reply to Hidden]

Me to I also feel like I’m letting everyone down by acting this way but it’s hard to see anyone when all i wanna do is isolate myself.

I know what you mean but don’t give up i know its hard and at times all I want to do with is give up because I can’t take it anymore I go sleep sad n I wake up the same and I honestly feel so hopeless half the time but I keep looking for hope and things to try get me through this.

This site is one of them things the other day I was at such a low point and I found this. Just know your not alone and if you want to talk or need any support you can message me anytime and I will be there for you.

Take care

Jadie.

[Hidden in reply to jadiel93]

Aww thank you that's so nice. Its easier to talk to somebody who understands. Because to be honest I don't think people do understand. Ye I feel like I've let everyone down as well. Thank you and you take care

[jadiel93 in reply to Hidden]

Yes it’s definitely easier to talk to people who understand because we know what each other is going through and how hard it is. I do think though that people are trying to understand and be supportive but i know they won’t fully know how we feel and I find it really hard to open up and say how I feel Incase they don’t understand or I upset someone or they judge me and it scares me. This is why I’m happy I how found this site because everyone understands and can offer support and advice so thank you for messaging me.

[Hidden in reply to jadiel93]

Your welcome. Take care

[jadiel93 in reply to Hidden]

You to

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi jadie193 and welcome to this caring forum where you will receive help and support from other members who understand what you are going through. It is good that you are seeing your doctor on a regular basis. As borderiever has posted, it is important that you attend all of your appointments and take medication as prescribed. Take one step at a time and in time, you will begin to feel better. Try to do something that you enjoy for a short time every day and this should also help you. Things will get better with time. You may find the Pinned Posts on the forum helpful. Please let us know how you are doing. Are any other members able to help jadie193, please?

[jadiel93 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Hiya, thank you for taking the time to message me. I’m happy that I found this site I never new there was things like this for support but I’m really happy that there is. The other day I was at such a low point n broke down and new that I needed to do something I wanted hope and ended up finding this, I’m so grateful I have and for the support because it’s nice to have people who understand and it doesn’t feel as scary saying how I feel on here.

I’m happy that I have my doctors support and also my therapist now I dunno what I would have done without there support if I’m honest and when I missed my appointment for both my therapy and my tablets I got so angry at myself because getting better is what I want more than anything in the world and I’m so angry at myself because I should be able to push myself makes me so sad that half the time I feel like I cannot and I don’t want to miss anymore appointments I can’t I need this. Is it possible for my tablets now not to be having a huge effect as they should? I used to take sertraline and went to the highest dose but they didn’t work so now I take 40mg of citalopram and also propanadol 40 mg and when I missed my tablets I do feel worse. Before missing my tablets I was at a point where I found it hard to leave the house but I did it and I made my appointments with the support of my boyfriend as he takes me to all my appointments or I wouldn’t be able to do it. but recently even with taking my tablets I felt so bad like more than usual which makes me feel like I would rather stay in my safe place than go out.

I hope In time that I do feel better coz I do want my life back, I lost my job and everything because of it because I couldn’t make my meeting to discuss how I was feeling because I was to scared to😭 It has completely taken over my life. and I’m beating myself up for it I just want to be able to go back to work and live my life and that is what scares me so much if I can’t get there coz I can’t carry on like this I can’t do it. And I will let you know how I’m doing, thank you for your support.

[MAS_Nurse in reply to jadiel93]

Hi jadie193 and thank you for your reply. I am pleased to hear you are finding being on the forum supportive. You are doing so well and should congratulate yourself on this. It will take time, but you will get there. Be kind to yourself and take small steps. Many people find it helps them to do something they enjoy for a short time each day. Please stay in touch on the forum where you will continue to receive help and support from other members.

Thank you and best wishes.

[jadiel93 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

I hope so and my doctor and therapist tell me the same thing But I’m finding it hard to be kinder to myself.

And I think that is what I need to start doing thank you for your support.

[Cublings]

Hiya jadie, those thoughts I totally understand and appreciate your input not because I'd want this for any1 but on the other hand it's reassuring I'm not abnormal, lol so therefore neither are u Hun, we are just normal people who have ( issues) sounds better, Ur not gunna give in and be defeated I'm positive that because your expressing urself u want to help yourself..and u r stronger than you think bluminhell be proud bab.well dun we will defeat this or at least recognise our triggers and find coping strategies...please stay strong...xxxxc

[jadiel93 in reply to Cublings]

Hiya, and I totally feel the same way. I felt not normal because of what is happening and my therapist was reassuring me that with what I’m going through it’s normal to feel this way it’s just really hard when I feel nothing like myself if that makes sense. And lol Yeah we are normal people we just need to keep telling ourself that I think.

And aww thank you for seeing that I don’t feel strong most of the time and it makes me feel hopeless, then I feel like I’m not doing enough to help myself even though I’m trying so hard to help myself because I want to feel better more than anything, it puts me down so much. And aww you are also stronger than you think. You stay strong and I hope we do beat this more than anything or recognize our trigger we can do it!

Thank you so much for messaging you have made me feel stronger than I have in some time means a lot xxxxx

[Cublings]

How's Jadie doing? Xx

[jadiel93 in reply to Cublings]

Hiya I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner. I think I’m doing ok but I still have some really bad days but I have had a couple of good days so I think that’s a good thing my therapist and doctor thinks so just wish they were all good days. Even though I have been having better days with my depression my anxiety is still out of control I’ve made a plan With my therapist to gradually get me to go outside on my own I’m terrified. How are you doing hun? Xx