Would you say I am depressed?

[AUnhappyme]

Because I feel it.. I'm 22 and feel really depressed.

I don't go out with my friends or do anything I want much to the restrictions I have from my parents. I thought I found myself in terms of studying at University. I attend placements but as the morning comes I come into a point where I can't decide whether or not to go in.

I feel like I need a break. I want to go on holiday and enjoy myself but like I said I am restricted. I feel an overwhelming of depression. I just feel really sad everyday. I keep thinking about harming myself and attempting to suicide.

I live with my parents. I have a boyfriend but he cant help me. I just want to die and I know I'm better off dead because I don't enjoy my life. My mother used to abuse me when I was a kid up until the age of 16 and that past is not gone. I'm still unhappy. I just wanna dieeeee

I can't even see myself successful or happy. I'm never happy.

[Lush__x]

Hi there and welcome. 1st if all its great that you have expressed yourself on here! This is a great 1st step.

I have a few questions if you dont mind...you say your parents restrictions? Do they not let you go out? Have you spoken to them about how u feel?

Can you not discuss how u feel with your boyfriend? I was the same with my ex, but he was the cause of my depression.

the next step you need to take is to go book yourself in at the doctors and tell them how u feel.

if you are still at uni you could also go speak to their counselling department.

I hope you can resolve your issues and that you feel better soon!

much love x

[Suzie40]

Morning. You've been very honest in your post and I would say what you experienced until you were 16 is reason enough to need support, with or without clarifying whether or not you are depressed. I can only imagine how difficult still living with the person who abused you must be.

At 22 you don't have to live with your parents, although I understand that financial restrictions may be preventing you fleeing the nest. Are the restrictions you mentioned cultural? Is there a friend you could stay with, just long enough to give you some breathing space?

You mention placements that you're on. That tells me you're training for a specific role. Teaching? Medicine? You're obviously very bright if you've made it to university, and that's a success in itself.

Suicide is not the answer, you're stronger than that. You've battled your way through years of abuse to get to university and that speaks volumes about your strength of character.

I think you need to talk to your GP about this. Is this an option without your parents knowing? X

[monia1988]

Hi Dear,

I am sorry to hear that form you...You need to know that you are not the only one feeling like this.It's good that you have opened and said that you feel.I would advice you to speak about what you feel with your mum.I am sure she loves you whatever happened,becuase she is your mum.. Call your GP , get an appointment and tell him/her exactly what you are feeling.It doesn't have to be depression,many people with hormones problems, diabetics ,or anaemic feel same.Your GP will send you for blood test first,and then he/she will decide what to do next.Trust them and don;t be shy,tell them everything,they will help you!

take care darling,and let us know how things going on xxx

[wengels2001]

Hi Your parents are controlling you. You need to break this circle and confront them. Tell them to stop controlling you or you move out, see how they respond. If you can't do this find an equine assisted learning facility in you area. Horses mirror everything you feel back to you and show you what you need to change to be happy. Working with horses shows you a new way to communicate and increase you self-esteem. Please keep me updated.

[MuffinChops in reply to wengels2001]

I was at College studying equine, I had to withdraw in March this year as I was self harming and attempting suicide, with chronic anxiety, depression and psychosis. It gutted me as I have always loved horses, so getting qualifications in horse care seemed the right thing to do. Things went pear shaped at College, now I am having panic attacks at the thought of College and horses. They are fantastic animals that I will always love, but they picked up on my anxiety and played up a lot with me, when riding and on the ground, resulting in a lot of accidents. Equine assisted learning facilities are great, the horses are fantastically tempered and do not act out if they sense anxiety in a person, they are great confidence builders. I may take this route too, as I am starting back at College in September on the same course, I need to break the anxiety cycle around horses. I'm not scared of the horses themselves, but I am scared of what the staff and other students will say about my handling and riding of them, this holds me back a lot.

[uchaf]

hi dont let your parents run your life I made that mistake and 60 years on I so regret it but you only find out when you stop and look at what your life is becomming so take stock and decide what YOU want

[gardengnome]

your family past can't be changed. do try to look forwards . graduating from uni, setting up your own home, starting your own family successful family and career.

Hope you can find a way to live an independent life. It is scary to confront family on painful angry issues, but self harm might end up making the family feel they have to be more restrictive.

If the holiday is not doable find small ways to bring relaxation, even if it's just a regular swim, or cake at the cafe, or giving yourself a regular footspa, just simple things to give yourself a little thing each day of the week to treasure and look forward to while living in a difficult situation.

You say you are 22, are you near the end of the course? Can you complete the course without the parents financial support? If you can't control the big stuff right now, get your family used to you controlling more and more of the smaller everyday stuff, get them used to you being an adult in control, and not a child anymore.

Discover your stubbern streak, and make it through to be that successful happy person you will become despite your family

Leaving home when you are ready may in time heal the anger / fear you now have with your mother, distance can neutralize some of the bad feelings even if the relationship is not going to be great.

Keep looking forwards,

[MuffinChops]

Hi wengels2001, I live in Lincolnshire, so Ireland is a tad too far away for me haha, thanks for the offer though.

[wengels2001 in reply to MuffinChops]

Hi MuffinChops that's ok. May there is a good place close to you.

[DNR55]

Your 22 and they still try controlling you! This had gone on so long with your family! Find a place and move out!! Even once out, u will still feel guilty because if how u were raised! Move out and be free of that. Plus dont live to close to where they can pop over anytime! I promise you, this will help u!

[DNR55]

PLUS NEVER BLAME YOUR PARENTS!! WE WANT TO BLAME THEM! BUT IN REALITY WE LET THEM CONTROL US!! TAKE BACK YOUR CONTROL!!