Hopeless today

[TalulahGrammar1989]

Monday’s are always the worst I used to spend my morning (22 years) taking care of my children. I have 2 sons. They aren’t babies anymore but their Gaithersburg makes sure they don’t see or speak to me at all, it’s been over a year. I’m physically sick over it. I’ve lost 50 pounds and have severe low blood pressure. I say I’m dying of a broken heart. My depression hasn’t let me out of bed for three days now. I just cry. I’ve tried every medicine out there I’m sick with grief and pain. I dream of them so vividly I don’t want to wake because I’m with them. God I miss them so much. My life is nothing and not worth going on without them in my life.

[hypercat54]

Gaithersburg? Sorry don't understand that. I am so sorry you are feeling bad though. x

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to hypercat54]

Typo father it said that ridiculous word I don’t know why

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

Kind of funny it made me laugh that’s a good thing I guess

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

Maybe I’ll start calling him that it’s a whole lot better than what I usually call him

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

Thank you for saying you hope I feel better it means so much I’m crying it’s all I have for today

[hypercat54 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

Ok no worries. Aren't they grown up now then? You said 22 years so I presume they are. Can't you contact them yourself and let them know you want to see them? I don't see how their father can stop them or you if they are adults. x

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to hypercat54]

I can understand your confusion. My oldest will be 23 and my youngest 20. My oldest is all about his father. He is a powerful man in a powerful position. My oldest believes him over me all the lies when In fact he left me for a woman 26 years younger than himself. He turned everything around on me! My youngest bless his sweet little heart is slightly autistic so he just goes with the flow and has so much anxiety he wouldn’t dare rock the boat. So it’s complicated that’s just a small piece of it. I also with my bi polar have lashed out at their father over the last few years because she was a child tutoring our oldest in math. I was very angry. I wasn’t innocent in making myself look bad but he always made it look 100 times worse and himself completely the victim. It’s complicated I guess like everyone’s story. But painful all the same. I haven’t seen them in over a year. He has my youngest blocked I don’t even know if he knows I’m blocked I recently learned you can do it through your phone account. Not just on your phone. They live in my house except my oldest he’s out and a cop. He has his fathers bad attitude at times. I raised theme there and lived in that house for 22 years he’s with her and my youngest. It’s so hard there aren’t words. She sleeps in my old bed. It’s pathetic! It’s devastating and with my condition it’s that much harder. Ty for listening how are you?

[hypercat54 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

Oh bless you. I don't fully understand but can see you are in a lot of pain. I do hope you can find a way in the future to reconnect with your sons. Sending you a big gentle hug. xx

[TalulahGrammar1989 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so much

[RAB888 in reply to TalulahGrammar1989]

Hi

I have been through a divorce several years ago, my 2 children lived with my ex and although we separated amicably it was still difficult and takes time to deal with.

Although in life certain events and circumstances happen, it's not that which causes us to feel a certain way.

It sure looks like it.

but life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react.

There is a new understanding of where our experience comes from that can end the needless suffering of anger, sadness and guilt