I haven't cut myself in 20 yrs, but have started again. I cut very deep and feel nothing. My last two cuts needed stitches but didn't seek help. I'm to old for this, and besides I feel no pain. So why writing? I feel like cutting again. I wish that I could cry and find so that I could have some relief. Relief, however isn't found and I've grown tired. I'm writing because there is still some fight in me. I have too much to live for. Anywhoo, thanks for letting me get it off my chest🤔

6 Replies

  • Dear one, I'm sorry. I really am in pain for you. Feeling sorry this is what you are having to go through.

    I hope you can go on and on writing <3

    Blessings x

  • Psalm46 you can have a new beginning today with not cutting. However if you are going to continue then be sure to antiseptic wipe before and after, use a clean blade, antiseptic wipe afterwards and steri strips will do the same job stitches do, then dress with a clean and dry non stick dressing. I'm not encouraging you to cut with this post but to self care afterwards if you choose to cut. I was a cutter for many years but made a conscious choice to stop, I always thought I just had to do it but the truth for me was I chose to do it. For me Reaching out when I'm overwhelmed rather than reaching for the blades takes strength and courage but the alternative in reaching for the blades just sets me up for more self hatred. It's your choice.

  • Thank you💜

  • psalm 46. I also self abuse. I used to cut, but switched to burning. I like to cook so it was easier to explain, and it was more painful, for me anyway. I went several years in between episodes. I realized something the other day while talking to my counselor we discovered, that when I wasn't actually medicated from my psychiatrist, I was actually self medicating, with alcohol, heroin (my drug of choice) and an array of other drugs, any other thing that one could consider self medicating, including self abuse. Its a way for me to focus beyond the emotional pain, to something tangible, something I could see, because I couldn't take nor understand the emotional pain, or abuse. For me anyway, and I hope this somehow helps you, some of the things I have done in the past that actually worked, was calling someone, right away when the urge first hit, because if I let it go to far there was no stopping it. Also , I'm not sure where you cut but , some use a rubber band , I used a hair tie, because it stung more. That probably wouldn't help you since you don't feel pain though. Some people I have heard get tattoos so when they go to cut, they see the tat, and it somehow stops them. I guess its a reminder on how far they have come. I would like to ask, if there is anything that happened that triggered your relapse, or if you can pin point what triggered it? Or have you been under a lot of stress lately? I am so sorry that you have started to cut again, after it seemed that you had conquered it. I want to encourage you though, and let you know that you have beaten this before and you can do it again. You have the courage that it takes. You are a survivor, and I know your tired, and rightfully so. I know that god is a big god, and while here on earth we will have trials and tribulations, that doesn't make it easier. But you have the people that are fighting along side you, and for you, including god. This group is a good place to reach out and ask for help, like you have done with this post, please don't stop doing that. I will pray for you, and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs. <3

  • Thank u. I do want to stop cutting again. Yes, there has been lots of triggers. I can handle the physical memories, but the body memories are overwhelming on top the nightmares and terrors; I'm just tired. There seems to be no end. Thanks for writing and caring😊

  • Psalm 46, verse 11:

    "The Lord All-Powerful is with us.

    The God of Jacob is our fortress."

    I like the name you chose for yourself ☺

    So much good advice here so far so nothing new to add other than to say jump on-line and post here ASAP when the need for self-harm hits. I understand cutting. I also understand the powerful need to do it.

    You stopped once so you CAN do it again. You DO have a lot to live for and you ARE a fighter. Write that out on some paper and put it somewhere where you can see it. Look at it daily Psalms ... and believe it.

    Wishing you peace from suffering 🌹

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