Glum Today

[MorningDanceTrece]

I was lying here trying to put an appropriate label on what I was feeling because that's the point at which I have arrived in my recovery journey.

I just automatically start trying to accurately label what I'm feeling.

I came up with that great old-fashioned word glum that I used in the title of my post.

I don't know if anyone else can see this but it actually seems like onomatopoeia to me like the word glum sounds like what it is.

I was starting to come out of this horrible clinical depression in which I've been all year just barely creeping around the edges of it sorta kinda and now I feel like I crashed through the floor.

I used to listen to this man do this thing and I'm going to try to look it up today.

It's for people who are spiritual and specific spirituality of following Jesus so if you're not into that it wouldn't be for you.

(Or it might be. I'm just trying to make it clear that I'm not trying to tell anybody what to do or believe or shove anything down people's throats. Sometimes people get easily offended and sensitive when people mention Jesus even if they're talking succinctly in the first person singular about their own experiences.)

He does this deep inner healing ministry in this particular thing that I used to listen to on the regular while lying in my bed with my eyes closed with him leading a room full of people in prayer and guided thinking / meditation.

It was very helpful and I've completely forgotten about it until just now and something seems to be saying that it might be helpful.

Feel like I have a lot of icky stuff trapped inside of me.

This is kind of a gross analogy and I apologize in advance but it's sort of like there is this a big zit or an infected abscess or something and it needs to be squeezed so all the pus can come out and then it can heal.

But I really do feel like there's some kind of infection in my psyche.

When I use the word psyche I mean that part deep inside of me where my emotional and psychological and spiritual self meets and intersects.

It's very dark and not cleaned and bleak inside and I'm not very happy about that.

Thank you for listening.

🧡

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hey MorningDanceTrece

It's nice to meet you.

I'm sorry you've been feeling so glum - I can wholeheartedly embrace how that glumness can feel at the best and worst of times - and it takes a strong person to begin to learn & rise above it.

Your uplifting words are encouraging and it is great how you have found strength in something more spiritual, to help and guide you through this difficult year. I leaned a lot on spirituality and the Bible during some really intense times also.

That abscess or zit you talk about - that makes some sense to me also. I hope you find some sort of resolve. Are you doing any talkin' therapy at all, maybe?

However or whatever you work on, in order to strive to heal, I just wanted to lend my support and best wishes. Thank you for sharing your post here in trust.

[MorningDanceTrece in reply to SavingGrace]

Thank you, Saving Grace,I appreciate your kindness and support.

I have a therapist.

I go to some SMART RECOVERY recovery meetings.

It's not enough I guess.

[Starrlight in reply to MorningDanceTrece]

❤️💕❤️

[MorningDanceTrece in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you so much 😸🧡

[WeAreAllOK]

MorningDanceTrece I know it is tough. I hear you. But a wonderful post. An important thing. You know you are not your pain.

Go well.

I am with my mother, mildly in discomfort. She can't walk. We are watching cat videos.

[MorningDanceTrece in reply to WeAreAllOK]

I don't understand whether you or your mother are mildly in discomfort but I'm sorry to hear that and hope that both of you experience a pain free night if that's at all possible (or whatever time of day is where you are.)

I'm sorry to hear that she can't walk.

Cat videos rock.

Do you have any cats living with you?

I have two.

[Starrlight in reply to WeAreAllOK]

❤️💕❤️

[Starrlight in reply to WeAreAllOK]

I love your name, has hope in it.

[Dolphin14 Moderator]

MorningDanceTrece

Your words describe things quite well. I think the word Glum is quite accurate. I also thing the " ridding the body of infection" is a statement to describe what we our doing as we heal. We need to rid the body of the pain inside us.

I think we all need to find what works for us and if your faith is helping you then I'm very happy you have that in your tool box

Keep moving forward and never give up hope.

🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

❤️💕❤️

[MorningDanceTrece]

Thank you very much. Dolphins are way cool 🐬😁

[BrainIsFull]

I can relate to having a zit on my psyche! For me, I often feel like my physical brain has some sort of blemish on it. I'd like to take it out and give it a good massage or something. It's hard to put into words.

I hope you are not feeling as glum today as you were when you write this post.💚

[MorningDanceTrece]

A brain massage would be the most awesome thing ever. You said you didn't know how to put it in the words but those words are perfect --the way you described it 😸🌞👍🏻🎶