I am a survivor of childhood physical abuse by both parents and also had to witness violent Domestic Violence regularly between parents. I lived in terror daily. I now know I had childhood CPTSD. No escape.
As an adult, I tried to distance myself and my husband as much as possible from my still abusive (verbally and emotionally) family-now including adult codependent and abusive siblings. An episode of extreme violence occurred on a visit to parents’ home-preplanned after we set boundaries and consequences on their abusive behavior. No more tolerance.
That made them furious and they retaliated. A brother ambushed us on arrival from a dark hiding place and attacked us with a weapon. He did severe damage-serious injuries.
We called the police and held them accountable. We went No Contact with my whole family who all lied and covered up for the attacker and his co-conspirators. Then other relatives and family friends, church friends..sided with the abusers! They didn’t want to be targeted by then themselves so they chose self-preservation. We went No Contact with anyone who enabled or allied themselves with abusers. That left no one to stand up for what is right. To support us-the victims.
It’s been several years and we can’t seem to make new friends. We are retired and lost touch with work associates. We are homebodies and don’t have ways of meeting new people who could become friends. We have neighbors and acquaintance but just incidental contact. Not friendships. Not much in common. And most people already have their “tribe” or family units and friends set already and don’t seem open to adding new friends. Of course we are wary of new people after being so betrayed by so many people who knew us and our lifelong good characters. Still they turned their backs on us. No one stood with us.
Our faith has been our only solace and comfort. People seem much more closed off to new people since Covid. Most seem content to be isolated within their set groups and not want newcomers. And we aren’t pushy people to initiate or be aggressive or even assertive in making new friends. Trust issues I guess are scars of CPTSD all my life and now my husband’s life with my family’s abuses towards him too.
Any ideas on what older people can do to meet new people that could become “chosen family”? We have no support system at all. While we love each other’s company, we’d like some socialization once in awhile. Financial constraints are an issue too. Many group activities and memberships or lessons..cost too much.
Appreciate any ideas!
Written by
JustZ
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Your background sounds terrifying. I'm so sorry what you've been through and hope you are safe now.
I retired 2 years ago and my life changed quite a bit. I needed to reconnect with my local community but being shy this wasn't easy at first.
I have found volunteer opportunities great - at the local community shop stacking shelves and at the church social functions making teas & coffees etc.. Having a role somehow feels less threatening socially and I really enjoy the casual chit chat.
I don't know where you live but if you like dogs then meeting other dog walkers can be a way to get to know others. Some charities will sponsor you to adopt older dogs and pay for medical expenses. Voluntary dog walking is also available through the Cinamon Trust.
What are your interests? Join an interest group?
Start small, become acquainted and you never know who might become a friend!
I hope you find your way and wishing you and your husband all the best.
Thank you gettingsomewhere! Yes we are safe now. My husband took the brunt of the blows from the weapon used in the attack. He shielded me. My hero! So thanks for asking.
You gave me some good ideas I will look into for my area. We have a rescue dog that’s a senior now so that limits what we can do. And we too are pretty shy socially. You’re right that having a task to do takes the pressure off of “trying” to meet new people.
Your kindness gives me hope that there ARE actually nice people still out there! I just never had to “look for them” before. School, career, former “family”…meant we had built-in associations and socialization opportunities. But losing our school & career connections a long time ago-people move on-and all my fake & toxic family connections due to violence and everyone enabling that violence plus retirement’s unexpected isolation…has made it hard. PTSD from my lifetime of abuse has made it even harder to “reach out” to strangers.
Thanks again for the ideas. Very appreciated! God bless you for your compassion and your kind heart.
You are welcome and I hope you find something you can get involved in and with other people.
Its not just about stacking shelves at my local shop - we have meetings with other volunteers finished by a visit to the pub afterwards. Something I would normally feel awkward about! But I've become part of a group this way and enjoy interacting with the other folk..
You have been through a terrible time. I can't imagine how awful its been for you both.
My family was dysfunctional but never to this extent. There are good people out there and I very much hope you find people you can eventually trust and become friends with.
I’m so glad you found a group to at least have some contact with outside humanity. That’s what I miss. Your volunteering situation sounds ideal.
I will look into some of the other ideas you gave too. I love libraries and will look into what they offer for classes for free.
I love dogs but my local rescue isn’t taking anymore volunteers! They have too many they say! Hard to believe. Like I said, seems people changed after Covid. More closed off on most instances But I will keep trying
I truly know what it’s like to have people choose the side of your abuser. It really sucks. I got that with my mother.
what interests do you two have? Libraries have free groups for crafts and other things like crocheting and board games. There are game shops and schools have events too. You could even volunteer at a local school to read. That’s what one aunt did after retirement to get that togetherness feeling. Look for your local community center. It’s where adults can hang with each other for free. You can also try seeing if it’s possible to get a penpal or start a social media account. I’ve met some good friends on them and we even do video chats sometimes.
Hopefully those ideas help! Hopefully you dont have to move to a new place to find camaraderie. Zen hugs 🫂
P.s. feel free to pm me and we can get to know each other as well 😄
First, thank you for your support. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did with your mom and betrayals. It really sucks but being in No Contact with false and in my case dangerous and poisonous people and those who enable and support them is better!
But it does take work to recreate and rebuild one’s life at retirement age. I thank God for my husband. But I need more “stimulation” and outside human contact than he does.
I’m looking into my areas of interest for free group opportunities. I love novels and would love to join a reading group. Not an option right now with my local library. But I’m on their list to contact me when a book club is an option.
I’m not a “crafty” person at all.
But I love art and art history. Would love to find volunteer opportunities to work in an art gallery or museum. No options in my area right now. Seems you have to actually “know someone” to get even a volunteer position! But that’s what my state is like. Corrupt to the core And you have to have an “inside person in power” to get any edge anywhere Crazy, huh? Volunteers are unwanted unless you have a “political sponsor”!
I was a teacher for decades but schools are a sticky issue right now With the division in our country and issues with what schools teach and allow and with parents’ rights being fought over-well, I’m don’t want any chaos or controversy! Had enough drama in my life. I need peace.
I do have an online friend for years I’ve never met but we text each day. It’s wonderful. But I’m looking for human contact. I’m sick of being isolated like I’m in “lockdown” as a result of my choice to stop the cycle of violence in my family all my life. I’m the only truth teller and for that I’ve been shunned and ostracized. These are wicked people with mental problems who like associating with each other. They don’t want to have healthy relationships. A “Cult of Abuse” is what they all belong to! Embracing known violent abusers.
But I feel I’m the only one being punished in life because I did the right thing. They all have each other-no isolation with them No price to pay. Likeminded abuse embracers Glad I’m free of it
But I’m the only one paying any price! I’m the one who has to try to rebuild my life and it’s very HARD later in life. Everyone seems to already have their set group of family and friends. No room or openness to new people.
So I’ll continue to search out options to interact with people in person. Not instant beat friends. Just casual acquaintances with a shared interest. Maybe friendships can grow from that or maybe not. It’s all OK. It’s just not healthy to be so isolated for so long. I want my best life now!! No more tolerating toxic people.
Have you thought about going to a different church? I know I loved the camaraderie that I got at the right church than I did elsewhere. There are usually lots of choices. You can also ask your library if you can post a flyer for a reading group in your area. Possibly do it in your own home if they can’t loan you space.
It sounds like the area you live in may be too small to start over.
That’s a great idea about posting about a book or even a movie/DVD club at my local library. I do already spend a lot of time at the library. Always have. But no one talks to you there! Lol.
The church part is tricky. I loved the church I went to for years. But my ex-family also went there. Not as consistently. But they are wolves in sheep’s clothing and fooled so many people there that they were “such godly people”. I’m not an outgoing person. Not on social media. So I did make church friends, these people also were friends with my ex-family. When my and my husband’s time of need came-after my ex-family planned a violent attack on us (retaliation for our boundary-setting on their continual abuses)-those church people didn’t want to “take sides”! How do church people NOT take sides when it’s a small community with many of my ex-relatives included who ALL KNEW OF THING ABUSES! So these people at church also knew of my lifelong child abuse, domestic violence in my home too, adult abuses (more verbal and emotional and included my husband as a target because they hated ME for being the family truth teller) culminating in the need for boundaries and then their retaliatory weapon attack. We had police reports, photos of my husband’s severe injuries, hospital records..Still the “church community” didn’t want to get involved by taking sides. That disgusts me. And I was the “sinner” to all of them for calling the police on “family”!! A violent criminal felony with a weapon was committed against us. With felony battery against my husband. But what they focused on was MY act of involving the police, appropriately, for a brutal crime! My husband’s injuries caused lifelong, permanent medical conditions to his head and face. But these churchgoers made an idol of “family” with no boundaries ever needed, even when they are lifelong abusers. That’s what was more important to them. So I left that church and ended those fake friendships too. Being a cycle-breaker among abuse enablers and embracers is a lonely life. Even church people don’t care or understand. Or they do what’s most convenient for themselves. Afraid of being made uncomfortable or losing the “friendships” with known wolves. My ex-family is VERY accomplished at wearing masks! They bribe and groom people as a lifestyle. They have to! If healthy good people knew what they really are they’d never be friends with them. And my ex-family knows that. So they give big donation checks to the various churches they frequent sporadically. Always changing it up so they can’t be really known. They give lavish gifts to relatives and friends. Have them over for dinners. All grooming for future when they eventually are exposed for what they really are. They think ahead. Cover their tracks ahead of time. And to this day they still do their smear campaign on my husband and me It’s what they’d done all along behind our backs. Maybe anticipating I’d be the one to expose them. And those church people are happy to interact with them on FaceBook etc. Knowing what they know? Disturbing to the soul.
I’ve tried several other churches since then. Haven’t felt connected yet. But I know that the betrayals I experienced at my former church makes me wary. I will keep looking though. I do online Bible studies and readings. Again, still no human contact
I do live in a very small state and locality. Not much going on. Considering a move to a more active state with no triggering memories. I hate living here where those people breathe the same air as I do! But the PTSD and medical issues I have from decades of toxic stress make me pretty dependent on my Drs who know me for so long. Scary to start over with new Drs.
Thanks for your good ideas and supportive kindness!
You could move 30-70 minutes away so that you can socialize even further but still be close enough to the doctors. I do know a lot about the trauma bond too. It was scary to move from Michigan to Oregon. I was there 20 years and learned because of social differences in the two areas, that I needed to move back. It was quite scary, but what was more scary was being more traumatized. You can’t really heal if you’re still in it.
Very true. Being at the “scene of the crimes” where there are unwanted instructive memories all around hasn’t helped.
I’d love to make a move. Looking into places that are compatible with my personality and most importantly financially affordable. That’s a big issue too. But I have to start the search. I need a new start but I don’t want to make a mistake. I have a secure home that I love. Mostly paid for. Good safe neighborhood. Affordable. Just nothing to do!
I applaud you for making a big move even though it didn’t work out. There’s a lot to consider with an out of state move as you know. And I have my husband ‘s needs to consider too. Insurance coverage in a new state. He’s got medical needs for life from the attack. But research and maybe short visits to desired places are the answer in the future. Meeting with Drs so I make sure my treatment plan stays the same.
Sorry you have to know all about trauma, trauma bonds, targeting, gaslighting, cognitive dissonance, sabotage, smear campaigns…All the usual tactics of abusers.
That’s actually not a bad idea! I love to travel but we have a rescue dog who has separation anxiety. So no kennel for him. We haven’t traveled since we saved him from Death Row hours before his scheduled euthanasia. 10+ years.
And an RV has been something we’ve talked about before. To see the country. We could take our dog with us. And I could check out the Drs in various places to see if they’d treat my conditions properly.
If only the country were as safe as it once was. Lots of random crime out there. With PTSD it’s a worry. Hypervigilence is my biggest symptom.
I get that. My rejection sensitivity is bad with my ADHD. I have a huge sense of justice. Make sure you get one of those doorbell cameras whenever you leave the RV. Camping areas seem to have less vandalism, especially in country towns, unless you tick someone off and they know where you’ve camped at. But if you get worried about that, head out and go somewhere else. Some places you can take the dog, especially when you eat on patios. Just a thought since you don’t have any major ties to the home you bought, since family there won’t be worth leaving anything to.
Thanks for the advice. I’m hoping to be able to figure out the logistics (sell our home or not? leave it unattended & at risk for break-ins?..). But it can be done. Just needs planning. And courage!
I walked away for my ex-family’s will without blinking an eye. Let the disgusting codependent liars and coverup artists who smear me while covering up their own abuses-RX-siblings & even relatives who’ve been at the receiving end of abuses all their lives or some that witnessed it first hand & did & said nothing while helpless children were being beaten by both parents like they were in an MMA fight-split the spoils/rewards/will for enabling and embracing violence & serious harm. Enjoy!!
My assets will go to animal charities when I’m gone. My rescue dogs have been a comfort and have given me “familial love” that none of those sickos could ever experience. They’re broken. Defective. And they’ll never ever take accountability or consequences. They sucked me back in once with fake tears and saying all the right things…fake apologizing (I knew it but my too-kind heart wanted to believe in a fantasy family that could never be. Not with those people. But they only suckered me back in (from a long separation and distancing consequence for their abuses) to carry out their final preplanned ambush weapon attack. How evil is that? I learned a hard lesson. You can’t change people who love being evil and love being around fellow evil people. My truth telling was an affront to their phony existence they’d carefully crafted with outside people. I was a “danger” to their act as “fine upstanding people”. That’s what worked for them all their lives. Still does. I have some anger that I’m the one who has to pay the price by starting my life over again this late in the game. I’m the one who has to move or travel around in an RV to escape all the damage they did. But life isn’t fair. We do what we have to do. And I plan on making it an adventure instead of a drudge!!
Thanks for all the input. I’ll take the ideas and advice gladly!
You are speaking to my soul with these descriptions. When I told my mother she needed to do 4 things (don’t talk to me about $ex, admit to trafficking me, accept my stepkid as their grandchild and use their proper pronouns as I have been with them for 13 years), she gaslit me and then I said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She said that we seemed to be at an impasse so how about trying counseling. I should have said no. It was with her counselor who mostly took her side but tried to stay neutral. Mother then tried to make like we were all good after one meeting. Then came a desperate situation on my part in which I thought I had to rely on her, then more trauma.
I read a lot of similarities in your replies. Although our traumas my have been different-doesn’t sound like you had the violent part I did. Physical child abuse by both parents. Ex-father was a brutally violent abuser. All of us children were beaten regularly. As my ex-mother stood by and did nothing to help us. Beatings for things normal parents wouldn’t even scold for! We were actually very good kids. But my ex-siblings were so enmeshed with their abusers they kept trying to please them. Not possible.
Also we lived in more daily terror as my ex-father violently abused my ex-mother. We worried she’d be killed and we’d be stuck living with my animal ex-father. My ex-mother’s constant physical abuse was less scary than ex-father’s. As I got older (preteen) I started to speak out more and tell my ex-mother she should leave my ex-father to protect us kids and herself. No way was she leaving him! She was obsessed and would take the beatings rather than let another woman have her husband. He cheated on her regularly and she did nothing. As long as “she had him” and no one else did. Sick sick sick.
But I became the biggest target of my ex-mother’s abuses after I started speaking out. She hated me for telling the truth. That she was sacrificing her kids’ safety (not realizing our mental health was also being affects) just to stay married to a guy who beat her, cheated on her openly and beat her kids brutally. So I became her favorite abuse target. And I’m sure she told my ex-father what I said. That she should take us and leave him. I’d even scour the newspaper for apartments! I looked up women’s shelters who took kids. And they grew to despise me. Saw me as a threat to their fake-ass “perfect family” act for outsiders.
You seem to have been a truth teller and a boundary setter too. And you suffered for it. So not fair but common. Thankfully your repercussions weren’t violent. Ours was. Once the boundaries got firmer and firmer with consequences carried out (no contact for months at a time) they would pretend to apologize to lure us back in only to continue the verbal and mental abuses. And that cycle continued for too long. Wrong teaching at church about “family land “forgiveness” and no preaching about abusers in church families…caused us to tolerate way more than we should have. And that led to the final planned conspiracy to “teach us a lesson”. A violent weapon attack that caused serious harm and lasting damage to my husband who stepped in front of me to block the blows of the weapon meant for me. He took many blows to his face and head. I screamed for my ex-parents to call the police as an ex-brother carried out the ambush attack at their home. They smugly looked on as he bludgeoned their son-in-law who’d been nothing but kind and helpful to them for over 2 decades. These people are malignant narcissists and if even say they have demonic souls.
We feel better not being oppressed by this evil anymore. Being betrayed by everyone who fled to their sides as they always did was the unexpected part. How fully they’d turned everyone against us. The grooming ahead of time worked. And I hate that. But good riddance.
Now starting over is hard as you know. I feel we are being punished for being forgiving and tolerant people. But there is a limit. And boundaries are necessary for unsafe people. And finding safe people isn’t easy. Damn! Finding ANY people open to strangers is hard now!
I have a lot of ideas to look into with the input of people here. So I’m thankful and hopeful. I wish you the best in your quest for the respect you deserve and for peace.
My mom was violent on me sometimes. My dad was too a bit, but it was more mental. I was the baby of the family, so my brother got most of the physical abuse.they were old school thinkers in that “spoil the girl and whip the boy”. I straightened up to avoid it the best I could then ran 2000 miles away once I turned 18 and graduated.
I came back after 20 years, and my ex mother has taken me to court for a 17 day stay in her even when homeless, has threatened to sue me for grandparent rights and is literally stalking me, googling my new address, getting pics from people and the internet, following me on new social medias and it keeps going on. In April, when she gets back from Arizona, I am doing a ppo. Every one of these unwanted contacts get reported to the cops and it will be easier.
Yes. Take every legal action available to you. I did.
We used the courts to get some measure of justice. Oh, how their “allies” maligned me for holding criminals accountable. Because they’re “family”! Yeah. A “family” that plots to try to kill their daughter and son-in-law! Not my idea of “family”. They lost that privilege with that attack. It was game over once they harmed my precious husband. HE is my family.
Glad you got away for 20 years. Sadly, I was forbidden to go out of state to college. Was told I could only leave that house when I married. So, a week after I graduated college I got married to my first boyfriend. Who, surprise surprise, was another abuser. It’s all I knew. My “normal” back then. But I got my brains pretty quickly and got out of that marriage
I have a No Contact order permanently with them all. I’m not on any social media or anywhere where they can know my life or business. I cut ties with all who are in contact with them. They’ll get no info from anyone about me if I don’t communicate with any of their “spies”. They all reported everything about me and my life to my abusers like good little soldiers to their masters. Learned my lesson. Can’t trust many. So I’m wary of people for sure.
Please be safe mentally and physically. Take care of yourself. Be hard to find! I wish you blessings.
Unfortunately (in some ways), I came back after 20 years. It’s been beneficial for work and my career, but not so much with them around. I’m glad I have some friends that have been through similar and know how toxic they are.
What is needed for a ppo, and what is needed for a no contact order? I just learned ppo does not have to be a physical threat. I couldn’t have one when I owed them money for the bs charges. I paid them off last month and told them to go away in a letter. That’s when they threatened to sue me again. I have my proof though.
I’m not sure how things work in your state but it’s called a Restraining Order or an Order of Protection here. You have to go to the Attorney General’s Office to the dept that handles those. Bring your proof. Any and all contacts you have that show they are a threat to you physically or mentally. Doesn’t have to be a physical threat.
My No Contact Order was done by my attorney when we civilly sued my ex-family for negligence at their home and my ex-brother for his battery of my husband and his attempts to kill me and him. It was part of the settlement. Plus the monetary settlement. Not nearly what it should have been but some justice. The police and the criminal justice system failed us. They know nothing about domestic violence. Or they pretend not to know. They broke all kinds of protocols when responding to our 911 call the night of the attack. They didn’t separate the co-conspirators and left them in that house to get their lies straight. They NEVER thought I’d have the wherewithal to call the police on them. And not just as a warning. But for an arrest. The police were too lazy to look for the weapon used which the perpetrators hid in that house as the police wasted an hour outside with us waiting for a senior officer. Then they gave equal weight to our story-with my husband’s bludgeoned, profusely bleeding face and a concussion-and the liars who didn’t have a scratch on them. How would they? The attacker used a hockey stick as a weapon to keep my husband from fighting back. Couldn’t reach his attacker. Planned that way. But the police neglected the evidence and did the lazy sloppy thing. They charged both!! A clear victim of an attack with an actual outline of the hockey stick clearly on seen on my husband’s face which was swollen beyond recognition! With bruises on his forearms underneath as defensive wounds trying to block the hockey stick’s 12+ blows. My husband is lucky to be alive. But his charges got dropped in court. No thanks to the ignorant police. But a good lawyer and a sharp judge. It was our lawyer who strongly recommended the permanent No Contact Order and the judge agreed. They broke it a couple of times trying to call us. We reported them to the police each time. They finally got the message that it was OVER. Forever.
But trauma leaves scars. And mine are from childhood on through recent years. And the sound of that hockey stick’s cracks on my husband’s skull over and over while I was helpless to assist him is something I will never forget. But it was what I needed to finally prompt me to end all contact forever. No more tolerance or forgiveness to people who love being evil and hateful. And that includes all who still pal around with them. My husband is the most precious thing on this earth to me. And they did grave harm to him. THAT was all I needed to break the “trauma bond” for good.
I’d advise you to talk to a lawyer for a free consultation on the phone or in person. Get advice on how to protect yourself. On what you need as proof. And follow through. It’s hard but necessary if the person(s) is a harm to you and always will be. Sounds like that’s the case with your mom.
Sorry you have to go through this. Best of luck to you.
Hi JustZ. Your story of heartbreak really speaks to me. You’ve been through a great deal, beyond measure. I’m really heartened to know you both have each other still. That is Golden 💛
I’m a fairly isolated person myself despite wanting friendships, this just has not worked out for me somehow in life. People at my local shop provide better support on a daily basis than - ok I don’t actually have any friends, just associates it seems these days in my local area.
However, you asked about activities and ways to make a meaningful social life. Have you tried any local social sport clubs eg: bowling is still really popular in the UK and I note seems to have a good level of social respect . A local church community centre? A charity cause or drive that you can join? An art class? A history club? I think we have to keep trying until we can find just a smidgeon of hope xxx
Thank you for those good ideas of things to look into in my area that are free or low cost. I have looked in to the library and also into art classes and museum or art gallery volunteering. Nada! I’m gonna try more libraries that are larger than my local one. We don’t have a community center. There’s a senior center that we looked into but dad to say it’s very low turnout. So they’ve cut many of their classes we’d be interested in. Since Covid, lots of things are bare bones now. I did mention to my husband-yes, it IS golden that I have him!-that I’d like to try bowling but when we looked for the bowling alleys here they are now all closed. Same with roller skating. We both loved roller blading. But my illness prevents me from doing a lot of outside activities. The cold is a main trigger of my nerve pain that I live with 24/7. So we looked into indoor rinks. Nada. I don’t know what happened but I guess many businesses either went under or they took big Covid money and closed up for good.
As for churches-we’ve tried a few new churches in an attempt to make connections despite our deep hurt and betrayals by church people. Haven’t found one we feel comfortable with yet. Again, people seem less open and friendly now after the craziness of Covid and lockdowns etc. It’s hard to break into already established groups of friends and family units. Maybe it’s us. We are more wary now with who we trust. We got so burned by people we never expected it from. Who knew us all our lives. They knew what happened to us. And they didn’t care. Self-preservation was all they cared about. And these were churchgoing friends and relatives.
I too am a bit of an introvert. Always liked solitary activities. Crosswords, reading, watching foreign series and movies and sports on TV. You mentioned the UK. I’ve always been an “Anglophile”! I used to read books by British authors-classics annd mysteries-and wish I could trade lives with them. Love the customs. I still watch more British TV than American.
But I had a long teaching career and had work friends. I never had to “work” to make friends. It always came easily. So maybe I never developed the skill set to make new friends?!! Lol. Kinda late in life to learn those things. It always came naturally. But we’ve lost touch with our work friends long ago. Too bad. But everyone had families of their own and moved on when we retired. Out of sight out of mind I guess.
I’ve looked into free adult classes in languages or art history. Nada. But I’ll keep trying!!
It's not easy, I agree. I've lived in this new county since 2009 and can't say I've really made a true, firm committed friend. I've made plenty of acquaintances, yes. But very few friends of my own.
I too haven’t made a new friend since I went to No Contact with my toxic former family and anyone who supports then. Toxic also.
It’s been 6-7 years since then and not one new friend. I’m not in a new area. Neighbors are friendly but not open to real friendship. Long retired so no work friends anymore.
So it’s a “project” to find a way to make new friends in a world that seems so standoffish. It’s like junior high school! Cliques. Set groups with “no new members allowed”. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad and lonely being the one looking to make friends.
I'm probably not the best person to ask as I'm not classically religious, but if you attend worship, you could ask them if there are any groups you could get involved with to help out. Might help you find some confidence and meaning in your lives again.
I too am not classically religious. I am very spiritual and do worship but haven’t gone to a brick and mortar church in years. Church “friends” and relatives turned out to be so false and traitorous. They all ran to the sides of my abusers when I exposed them. The smear campaign my abusers carried out against e worked so easily to turn everyone who’d known me all my life against me. Because I called the police on my attackers who were “family” also I was deemed the “bad guy”.So I’m wary of church people. I do try to locate new churches to try and have tried some. None felt quite right yet. Good idea though. I will keep trying.
That’s what I’ve been doing. But it’s been all online stuff for years so that doesn’t solve the desire to make new human friends. I appreciate your ideas! Best wishes.
If you are in the UK, there are groups for spiritually minded folk, but the admins aren't keen on us giving out too much info. If you are interested send me a PM, and I will get back to you.
I am in the USA. So those groups wouldn’t be open to me likely.
But I must say, I have been a total “Anglophile” all my life! Read all the literary novels and watched TV shows based in the UK. I imagined myself trading lives with a young girl being brought up in the customs of the UK. And I’ve incorporated many UK customs like daily “teatime” into my routines. Also I’ve learned and use British slang and other Brit words in place of American ones. For fun. Probably I just always wished to have a completely different life far removed from my own abusive childhood and even adult life surrounded by sociopathic ex-family and relatives/friends who accepted abuse as “normal”. I know there are abusive childhoods and lives in the UK too of course. But reading about, watching shows and learning about and emulating all things British (and Scottish and Irish as well) were my way of imagining a totally different life. It was my escape and coping mechanism. So Cheers to you for living the way of life and customs I tried to adopt as my own!
Thank you for the idea. I’ve been looking for any kinds of groups that meet occasionally.
I’ve heard there is a 12 Step group for abuse survivors. Called “Celebration”. It’s a Christian organization which aligns with my spiritual beliefs. But I’m wary of triggering myself talking about my abuse again and hearing about others’ abuses.
I’ve gotten therapy and don’t want to live as a victim. I want to live my life to the fullest now. It’s just really harder than I thought after having to cut out all the abusers and their allies. Their retaliation to my cutting all ties was a vicious smear campaign which defamed us so badly that we lost all our supposed friends who had kept in contact with them. Had to get away from them too.
That leaves us still isolated with few ways to meet new people later in life in retirement. It’s hard to break into people’s “set groups of their friends and family”. Not as easy as when we were younger and had work friends/acquaintances. More options for socializing. We aren’t ready for the Senior Centers yet! Still active and vibrant. We’ll keep trying though. Thanks again for your response.
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