going for broke?

Hi, I'm new here. I have had to deal with the painful realization that I am a scapegoat for my narcissist mother who never loved me, and have been cut off from my family for good. After finally reaching out to a therapist and psychiatrist who diagnosed me with CPTSD, I have (again!) fallen on some financial difficulty which makes me question if I can afford to continue my treatment. It's then when the fear and paralysis creep in and here I am on my couch where I feel so terrified and alone and like nothing will change. I have been prescribed with Prozac at 20mcg to couple with EDMR therapist. My partner is the only one making money right now and it's barely enough to cover all our expenses. Is it worth continuing my treatment? Wondering if anyone can relate.

[Hidden]

I am not in treatment so I can't tell you if you should keep it up or not. Is it helping? Do you feel you are making any progress? Are there any non-profits that can help with the payments or help find you treatment on a sliding scale?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for your reply, I was so happy to feel welcomed into the community. I have only just started the treatment so I am not sure if its working per se but I trust my psychiatrist and it took me ages to find some one to trust- as you know trust can be a huge issue when you have attachment trauma. What I did eventually after I wrote this was pray, (even though I am not quite sure if I believe in God yet lol), and do up a really tight budget for this week and see if there is any government assistance available. I have an appointment next week with a case worker so feeling positive.

[GeminiDancer Major Contributor]

Hi Littletraveller.

Welcome to the community. There are a lot of amazing people here who really understand all the nuanced struggles that come from CPTSD.

I'm sorry to hear your struggling and having financial concerns as well. Not an easy situation that's for sure

I think it's def worth continuing your therapy if at all possible. EMDR can be very effective for many people (myself included).

I have an online friend who gets free therapy through a non profit so it's worth investigating if this is a possibility in your area.

I can certainly relate to being paralyzed with fear and terrified nothing will change. Continuing with my therapy made a huge difference in enabling positive change in my life.

I hope you're able to find a way to continue your treatment.

[Hidden in reply to GeminiDancer]

Thanks I am so overwhelmed and relieved there are people out there who understand, I really appreciate your kind reply... it helped me to take the steps necessary to continue my journey just having some moral support. The finances part is a bit iffy still but I have it in my mind that "where there is a will there is a way!"

[GeminiDancer Major Contributor in reply to Hidden]

Way to go! Glad to hear it:). You so richly deserve the investment in yourself and your healing journey.

[AnyaC]

I have chosen not to seek treatment, partially for financial reasons. I've gone the medical route instead, using medications to control my PTSD. From what I have come to understand from those in this forum, if you have a therapist you trust and is helping, it's well worth it.

[Hidden in reply to AnyaC]

Yes I understand, I am just starting on medication and hoping it will help. I do trust my therapist so that is why I have decided I will cut down on my grocery budget and just eat stir fries and rice for a week so I can afford her

[willingtoheal Volunteer]

Welcome to the community. I'm so sorry that you are going through all the different things you mentioned. Therapy is worth it if you find someone you trust, feel safe with and that you feel like it is helping you. That terrified feeling of being alone is difficult. Yet we are here for you. Reach out whenever you need to. I've found that just sharing with people on this site has really helped me feel like I'm not alone. I feel like we are all holding hands walking down the street together. So I hope that you take gentle care of yourself. I have had to create my own family with friends and yes it feels alone sometimes. Yet it is good to be around healthy people or be choosy as to who you let in your life. I make myself go for a walk everyday at a park that works for me. I have books around me that I glance at when I need some encouragement. I look for what I can in my life to help me. I hope that you feel welcome here in this community and know that you can reach out to us anytime and find what helps you through the moment. Take care.

[Hidden in reply to willingtoheal]

You are so right, and I feel really comforted by your reply. Wow I'm grateful I found this forum! Just knowing that I am not alone in this makes all the difference. It's a difficult journey as it is and being able to share it with people who truly carry a similar burden is, well.... words can't express. Thanks for the welcome and I send love your way. Take care too! I know it won't be all roses and unicorns but for the moment I feel a wave of positivity so riding that as far as it will take me.

[willingtoheal Volunteer in reply to Hidden]

You're very welcome. Thanks also for the encouragement that you are sending my way too. Take care. Know you are not alone. We are here for you. Hope that you find your strength, your hope and that you are as nice to yourself as you are to others.

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

It is soooooo worth continuing on your journey. Nothing is static, you have decided to leave damaging family behind you. That alone is progress. I get that it's financially hard, I've taken to gardening and although I'm growing mainly flowers for my pleasure could you plant a garden of edibles to help out?

I'm having EMDR, it seems weird at first, but it's working unblocking stuff so I can heal.

[Hidden]

Thanks lindyloo- such a great idea. I actually have been trying out gardening myself in a communal plot in our apartment building and we have some lovely tomatoes to show for it, the other plants look a bit strange lol but next year I might get a better harvest. And thanks for the heads up about EMDR. I was a bit hesitant about doing it at first because of the "Hypnosis" element but I will really do anything at this point to try to stop the nightmares and the paralyzing fear where I am scared most days to leave the house. And you are right, nothing is static, I feel better today two days after I wrote the post (mostly thanks to you guys!)