dissociated and writing too much in one post, a storm, here is the last bit separated into different posts....
I hope to marry a kind man some day, my boyfriend if he is 'the right one' for me, and things work out. ok, these are all for now. I am trying to survive.
It is also important to me that I talk to my father through email and send cards etc. so he knows I love him.
It is just that I am trying to take the middle way somehow, not be without any transportation, living in a dangerous place, extremely poor and ill. And not getting too harmed by my father's words or triggered. Living the best I can at the moment, trying to heal more.
Definitely confused, and I have so much to deal with. Just getting it out for now. And yes, I am a bit dissociated.
Noise is unbearable for me due to PTSD and for now, I get through the days, with tramadol for the pain, and ativan for the PTSD, but barely getting stuff done.
All I can get out and in only way I can, kind of jumbled. Want feedback on money issues, father issues, being able to survive and live without so much PTSD hell until I can get more help. Which I plan to do, but issue is therapist I have now, is not very good for me, she is free, but with my father's help, I can see psychiatrist and therapist who may be able to help me better. I get free health insurance with the state right now.
I am thinking maybe Obamacare next year, may cover some costs of a therapist and/or psychiatrist.