After a recent horribly traumatic experience around gallbladder surgery, I figured out I have Trauma with a capital T. TRAUMA! PTSD. Without actually understanding what happened to me, I've been traumatized by various events all my life, beginning with my childhood -- medical events and treatments, as well as emotional neglect by parents and family -- then progressing through adulthood. I was shocked to learn this, since I'm almost 63 years old and never suspected this my entire life, and neither had anyone remotely suggested PTSD. But here it is. And I'm angry. It feels like my entire life has been a lie and all the various sorts of efforts I've tried throughout my life trying to "fix" myself (having trouble bonding with people, avoiding doctors and even people talking about their aches and pains, reliving the most disturbing events, being irritable and overreacting when I'm not in control of social situations, etc.). In any case, I've found a therapist to work with. We've had two sessions so far and will start next week to talk about EMDR therapy and the details of how that might work with me. I know the traumas have to be revisited, but I'm getting cold feet about going through the therapy. My questions for the group are: What questions would you ask a therapist about going through EMDR? What do you know now that you wished you'd known before you started that therapy? What can you tell me about what to expect? What pointers, hints, or insight can you give me? I'm anxious to get on with my life, and this has me stuck worse than I've ever been stuck before. I have yet to complete my life's goal -- writing a book about being a caregiver to my husband, who died from dementia -- and I haven't been able to write because of this silly PTSD. Grrrrr and eeeek and !#@*&?!!! Seems like even the trauma has me traumatized.
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