Fibromyalgia Action UK

Not looking good

I visited my Dad today in the care home he is in and he was sat at the dining table asleep.

The carer said "Fred" your daughter Sue is here, he opened his eyes, smiled and went back to sleep. He managed to eat his lunch between dropping to sleep. He complained that he felt cold, I am really worried about him he has Alzeheimers, venous ulcerated leg, hiatus hernia and severe anaeimia. A discussion with his GP a few weeks ago, said that he must have had a haemmorrage, but they don't know where it is coming from, he is 85yrs old and I don't think it right that he should be faced with a colonoscopy. On top of how I am feeling right now, tears are coursing down my face, my husband isn't home yet I don't know where he is.......... great w/e for me.

7 Replies

Im so so sorry.and words cant express just how sorry i dad isnt around hasnt been for 25 years.

So dunno how hard it must be for you.hugs and sorry x


Thankyou Sammy x x x


Aw Soulsusie thats a horrible situation to be in, its so hard to watch our parents suffer when they get older.. I found it really hard before I lost my parents as roles are reversed and instead of them looking after us we have to look after them.

I know it isnt easy but try and relax this evening and look after yourself, you need to keep your strength up to be able to carry on. Lots of gentle hugs and take care, Angela xx


Thankyou so much Angela. x x x x


Soulsusie, I am so sorry to read about what you are going through right now. I sympathise, my dear Dad had Dementia for almost 20 years, it was heartbreaking to see this illness slowly take control of him. He passed away three years ago and I still miss him every day.

I also worked in a nursing home for the terminally ill elderly for over ten years, so am used to looking after people with Alzheimers, Dementia, Stroke, Cancer, Motor Neurone and Parkinsons etc.

I presume your Father's GP saw him recently to say he'd had a haemorrhage. It seems odd to me that they didn't tell you where he'd had it etc. If he needs a colonoscopy, were you told why? Did he get the ulcer on his leg during his time at the home or before admission, this is important because if he developed it in the home, it might need to be investigated. He should be being seen by a Tissue Viability Nurse/District Nurse regularly to check for deterioration and also healing and to regularly change the dressings. Regarding the Hiatus Hernia, these don't tend to get operated on at this age and providing your Father gets adequate pain relief, he should cope with this.

Another thing I would watch out for is his medication at the nursing home - if he is falling asleep at the table at meal times this would point to his medication possibly being too much. This is very common and can be corrected to make the resident more alert. He may also be a bit sleepy with his anaemia, is he being treated at the home for this?

Try not to worry about your Father, but it pays to keep an eye on nursing homes, care homes etc., to ensure he gets a good standard of care. I presume you have to authorise his colonoscopy if he can't do it himself - if you are next of kin, you can stop this happening if you feel strongly about it at his age. Make sure you know the consequences of not having it done though. This is usually an exploratory procedure for examination.

Read this through tomorrow in the cold light of day and please feel free to contact me over anything I've said or for anything you are worried about, always happy to hear from anyone here. Remember you need to look after yourself too, it's difficult sometimes isn't it.

Try not to worry too much, if you aren't sure about anything at the nursing home, speak to the nurse in charge or The Manager. Hope this helps. :)




Hi, My Mum has Vascular Dementia and has been in a care home for almost a year so I know how hard it can be. Keep your chin up and remember to look after yourself too xx


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