No hope left 😪

[Birdwithnoname]

Depressed post sorry. It just didn’t happen for us and we tried everything. I’m 37. We’ve had 3 cycles, with 4 transfers and 7 embryos. We’ve had icsi, picsi, pimsi , scratch, fresh endometrium after hysteroscope, steroids and aspirin, all the best supplements and followed the ‘it starts with the egg’ book and took DHEA. All transfers went well, had hormones monitored to check progesterone high enough post transfer, and nothing seemed to have gone wrong. However private clinic have said “it appears your oocytes (eggs) don’t have the capacity to implant.” My hormones are ok - low FSh and AMH ok and not changed in 3 years. I know I’m old. Perhaps my oocytes never had the capacity to implant or perhaps I left it too late. Every time it fails I feel like someone is trying to tell me something and that it’s pointless trying again. Why go through it again just be heartbroken? I know some people try many many times before success but the longer it goes on the older I get....

my partner is now going through the depression of failure and grieving for what could have been, and that’s hard, after he has always had so much hope.

I can feel the empty nest syndrome creeping on, and I keep having visions of us rattling around in a house built for a family with just the 2 of us there. Getting old and having no kiddies to come and visit and meaningless christmases.

He keeps telling me how young and attractive I look to him which I should be greatful for, but what’s the point in a body that has no purpose?? I don’t want sex because it also seems pointless as it’s not going to make a baby. That is so stupid I know. (I know there is no hope of it happening naturally because partner has antisperm antibodies)

I don’t want to go out and make the effort. Nothing seems to have any meaning.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Birdwithnoname. So sorry to hear of all the trials and tribulations you both have been through to get pregnant. I realise how it can't have been easy at all for you, but just wondered whether you might consider using an egg donor?? It's not for everyone I know, but it would hopefully still give you the chance of carrying a baby. Hopefully you have plenty of support just now, but there is a charity called the "British Infertility Counselling Association" you might like to speak to. there is a charge and you have to access them online at bica.net They just deal with fertility issues and relationships around them, perhaps have a look and see what you think. Obviously I wish you both success if you do decide to move forward using donor eggs. Thinking of you. Diane

[Shelleybean]

I can relate to so much of this honey, could have pretty much written it myself. Today is a year to the day that we found out I was pregnant after 1st IVF cycle but lost that baby and no success since with concerns about egg quality mentioned recently, despite having being on DHEA and Ulbiquinol.

If I can find one positive it would be to say that you seem to have tried everything and given it your all. My clinic won’t allow us any additional testing or treatment add ons even as private patients and I feel I may always wonder if anything else might have helped. Hopefully you won’t have that nagging feeling of doubt on top of everything else.

I know the thought of donor eggs is terrifying, but as far as I can see from others none of that matters when you finally get to hold your baby- so I try to keep this in mind. I also don’t put too much pressure on myself to see people or go out, but tbh i do usually feel better if I do make it out to things occasionally. I’ve found new ways to keep me sane/ have something to look forward to in between like regular exercise, dog walks, reflexology and booking a little treat like a massage.

Sounds like you and your partner could maybe do with a break away if that’s an option?

Sending you lots of love and strength on these difficult days 💕💕 xx

[Scarlett13]

I’ve just had a BFP with my 8th embryo on my 7th transfer and I’m on round 3. I’m 38. Sometimes, if you can, you just have to keep going. There’s always options if you want a baby - donor eggs is a great way - my friends have just had a baby girl with a donor egg -it worked first time for them after 4 failed rounds and they are over the moon x

[Birdwithnoname in reply to Scarlett13]

Congratulations sweetie xx

[Cinderella5]

Hey I know some of the other have just mentioned donor eggs already but I just wanted to put it out there that we were 38 when we were doing OE cycles and we got 3 5 day blastocysts from our OE and none implanted. Our consultnat basically gave us the odds of 5% chance of future success with OE. We had already discussed DE as the success rates were much better and thought we were really just throwing money away at my eggs so went abroad. There are no guarantees of course and we had a miscarriage after last transfer and have just gotten another BFP which obviously can go either way but the fact that we have a positive test and chance is far better than we could hope for with my eggs. Im happy to chat privately if you have any questions. Big hugs, this is all so draining and its hard to know when to stop but I just have want to know that even if we dont get our baby I will have tried all avenues.xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry to read this and see you’re feeling so low. I can’t really advise other than to take up the support that’s available to you both. I’m thinking of you and hoping things feel brighter soon. X

[Birdwithnoname]

Thanks for everyone’s really kind words, they have helped me more than you know, and I will come back and read them again when I’m feeling low. I know it takes time to heal.

I am slowly starting to get my head round DE but other half can’t at the moment. Also would we have to have more thorough tests of the sperm just to make sure that that’s not the issue?

On waiting list for counselling and thinking about what petswe could enjoy 😉

Xxx

[Birdwithnoname]

Also a plus - enjoying some caffeine again for the first time in years!