Feeling without hope

We’ve had a consultation with a top London specialist who’s basically said they have no idea why it’s not working for us and after 3 failed IVF (5 transfers, at local clinic in the North) have advised trying IUI. This was never advised to us initially because of endo so just feel very despairing and confused. I ovulate regularly and my DH has great sperm so don’t know why IUI would be especially helpful vs all the TTC naturally. It’s gutting being told IVF just isn’t working for you but then equally I can see lots of specialists and research out there suggest you might need 5-6 cycles IVF especially given I only get a low number of eggs due to DOR.

We won’t be able to afford much more IVF if we spend a lot on IUI.

I think we’ll have to get another opinion. Also not sure I can hack travel to London multiple times per cycle, so exhausting, expensive, and so much time out of work.

Just feeling a bit shitty. Been crying for 24 hours as I thought this specialist was our great hope. Not sure what I’m expecting posting this. Maybe just some empathy.

[HollyT7]

I wouldn’t bother with the iui, surely there is more chance with ivf/icsi 🤷🏽‍♀️ we had iui and the chances given were like 30% so not great for us.

[Hidden in reply to HollyT7]

Thank you. Looking at things for us could be as low as 5-10% so you’re right feels utterly pointless. Thanks for replying x

[finup0321]

oh gosh, I’m sorry you’re feeling down. It’s totally reasonable to feel down right now, what a shit situation. I have DOR too, and there are definitely some low times in this whole process. I would offer advice but for now I think a virtual hug is in order. If you’d like to discuss treatments further, I’m here to talk/exchange ideas/commiserate x

[Hidden in reply to finup0321]

thank you so much. I just went in expecting them to have some solutions and this feels like a real kick. I will pick myself back up though strong 💪 thanks for the support x

[Doodlebug23]

I just came to offer that empathy you were looking for 🤗. I am using double donor due to my age, and am eagerly awaiting transfer number 4 on Monday 🙏🏼. My clinic are telling me everything is ok and there’s no reason it’s not working, it’s just a numbers game. My PA was successful in her 4th transfer so I’m really manifesting hard that it’s my turn too.

I feel really grateful I’ve not got other issues to overcome but also frustrated as there’s no reason it’s just not working.

Have you thought about using a clinic abroad? My clinic is in Spain. UK clinics are not even in the top 10. Lots of places offer initial free consultation so maybe try that? I used the website egg donation friends for a lot of my research - not just for DE.

X

[Hidden in reply to Doodlebug23]

Thank you for the support. It’s definitely something I’ll look at and consider x

[Kitkat10]

Hi, I’m sorry you are going through this, it is a very tough process. I was 39 when I started IVF with donor sperm due to MFI so my eggs were not plentiful. After 3 failed transfers I asked a new consultant about IUI with DS and she said ‘I was past that option’. But I think that was due to my age. I tried one of those IVF calculators with my stats (they are based on some research evidence) and it predicted 6 cycles, so, as you say I think this is not unusual.

I had success on my fourth transfer but then another three failed, so there seems to be no reason that separated the success and the failures, just random chance. I 100% understand how hard this process is, I found it a very lonely and frustrating place to be when I started and honestly thought the whole thing was hopeless.

You do though have every chance naturally, but it might help to seek a second opinion. Some ladies on here have had success with natural modified IVF so there may be some other options to explore. Good luck and try and keep positive, it’s a rough time, I know all about that but try not to lose hope xx

[Hidden in reply to Kitkat10]

Thank you so much for sharing. DH and I have agreed to try 2-3 more full IVF cycles so I think we will stick to that. Finding the right clinic to do that with is proving so hard x

[Doodlebug23]

In no expert, but always here if you want any advice or just to rant!! X

[hoping_for_our_time]

Have you tried PGT-A testing your embryos?I have had lots of failed transfers and 3 x miscarriages. For the last cycle we tested the embryos and found only 1 out of 4 was genetically normal. I so wish we had done this sooner.

As others have said, I don't see how IUI would be helpful at this stage. x

[Hidden in reply to hoping_for_our_time]

Thanks no I don’t either. So far we’ve been told PGTA by many specialists that not very useful as we don’t get many eggs and therefore embryos. If we got more then whittling down with PGTA makes sense but risk of binning good embryo high for us. X

[CarlottaD27]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low. This feels so unfair, especially when there are no answers!

I’ve not been in this situation but have been in a situation where different specialists have given me totally different advice. Definitely get another opinion and don’t be pushed into an option that isn’t right for you x

[Hidden in reply to CarlottaD27]

Thank you x

[Weegran20]

sorry to hear your plight but surely icsi could be an option ( not that I know a lot about it but seems the best chance to get fertilisation ? )

Don’t give up try and relax my daughter swears that acupuncture helps best with relaxation . She had just started her 1st treatment ICSI 3 rd day . Good luck 🤞

[Hidden in reply to Weegran20]

Thank you. I have done regular acupuncture for some time now and do find it helpful. Unfortunately ICSI won’t help us as we actually get great fertilisation rates and progression to blasts. It’s just making the eggs and getting blasts to stick that’s our issue. Good luck to your daughter x

[Weegran20]

Thank you we are so excited . She is doing what’s advised by It starts with the egg that someone else mentioned . Might be worth a look!

Good luck anyway 🍀

[Vik_star]

I agree with the last comment, read It Starts with The Egg if you haven’t already? It suggests some lifestyle changes such as reducing plastic & chemical use, diet, supplements etc. I stopped using any cleaning products without gloves, washing up too. Try where you can to not use plastics in food packaging (impossible to eliminate I think!). It may seem like a change that surely can’t have an impact but we had success after I followed quite a few of it’s suggestions.

Let me know if you want to chat about some of the other changes we made.

Good luck xxx