3rd bfn - this just gets harder each time

[Bistbee]

So this week we had our 3rd bfn from our FET, and we are just devastated. These failures really don’t get any easier to cope with and I’m just so so tired and exhausted by all of this treatment. My body is bloated, bruised with hormones all over the place and my head is a mess, cannot stop thinking about why we’re in this position and what it means for us, and i’m even bored of my own thoughts but they just won’t stop.

3 cycles down and all we have are most questions, not answers. Our cycles have always been relatively smooth, a few curveballs along the way but ultimately we’ve had 3 transfers of decent embryos (2 blastocysts and 1 day 3 transfer) but we’re still yet to see 2 lines, not even a whisper of any hcg on my beta tests so they just don’t seem to be able to implant.

All out tests come back fine and although we’re using frozen sleek which is immobile, icsi is meant to overcome that issue. I know we both want to keep on with this until we’re told to stop for whatever reason or we run out of money (🙈) but having to pick yourself up each time to just throw yourself into the ring again is actual madness. Feel like i’m losing myself in this process and it’s making the rest of our lives miserable too 😔 how do you keep going?

[Jessy1280]

I'm sorry to hear this and I totally feel your pain 🤗. I too think I'm on my way to second failure. I've now transferred two 4xab 5 day embryos. You're right, it doesn't get any easier at all. I also relate to having so many questions why it's not working but nobody ever seems to have any answers. I feel like they just say defective embryo, nothing you did, wasn't meant to be.

Will you try again ASAP? I have two left in the freezer (4-5ba and 1X4BB) but the thought of having to wait til January is unbearable. I feel like I want answers that there's nothing wrong with me before I waste another two good embies. It gets more distressing every time.

I'm so gutted for you. Massive hugsxxx

[Bistbee in reply to Jessy1280]

Thank you, just feel so lonely each time this happens as although friends occasionally do check in with me, it’s not the same as having people nearby to come round and cheer you up - their either all pregnant, so I wouldn’t want to see them anyway, or have busy family lives of their own, so don’t seem to be able to make time to just come and hang out without kids being involved and talk about normal stuff like we used to before having babies fucked everything up 😕

I think I need to give my body a rest to be honest, 3 cycles in 9 months has taken its toll and I can’t fathom trying to go again before the end of this year. My work also gets really busy Nov & Dec so even though I’m not really enjoying it, I guess that will keep me as distracted as possible. Im considering handing my notice in though as I just feel like working in a full time demanding job is incompatible with ivf. I’ve tentatively talked to my boss about reducing my hours to 4 days a week and I could tell she really wasn’t in favour, although appreciates I have a legal right to request it. However I am not sure even that will help when I’m in the depths of another cycle as it’s still 4 days a week of having to put on a brave face and juggle meetings/work demands around appointments. Quitting means I could focus on getting a bit back to normal over the next 3 months (silly notice period) and then line up our next round to start as soon as I finish. I have a couple of ideas how to keep myself busy but without being on someone else’s timetable or overdoing it.

One part of me is saying that’s so reckless just to give up and not have a secure income when we’ve got more ivf to pay for, plus losing mat leave, which has been the only thing I’ve been hanging on for in my job so far. But then the part of me that just feels so broken by all of this is like well what’s the worst that can happen, you’ll work it out 🤷🏻‍♀️ Luckily I can cover myself for a couple of month not working but having been in full time employment for nearly 12 years with no breaks, it’s a scary thought.

I’m not a religious person but beginning to think the universe is trying to tell me something so maybe listening to my gut rather than my head for a change is the right way to go??

I’m really feel for you thinking your cycle is all over before you’ve tested, I was of the same mindset going into this FET and the I allowed myself a little ray of hope as everything had gone so smoothly but then it all comes crashing down again. I really hope for you that you get the outcome you so want this time 🤞🏻

[Jebby86]

Hi,

I’m so sorry to see that you’ve had a third bfn. They are totally heartbreaking.

I was in the same position as you, I had my third bfn in March. At that point we only had one frostie left in the freezer. I didn’t want to have our final transfer without looking into other implantation failure factors. Everything had always gone smoothly with our other transfers. Lining, responding to meds, we only had 5 day blastocysts. But we couldn’t seem to implant. We paid for a couple of expensive tests and they all came back normal. I was starting to despair at this point as I needed there to be a reason why it hadn’t been working.

Thankfully when we went to our clinic for our treatment plan appointment for our 4th and final transfer they agreed to let me try a low dose of steroid and progesterone injections for the final transfer. I got my first ever bfp at the end of August and am now nearly 14 weeks pregnant. I can’t say for sure that it was the drugs that made the difference but if I had to put money on it....

Wishing you lots of luck for the future xx

[Bistbee in reply to Jebby86]

Thank you, yes for our second and third cycle I’ve been taking blood thinners via daily injections plus progesterone tablets/pesseries and PIO injections and my progesterone levels have always been fine whenever they’ve been checked so I don’t believe there’s an issue there. I’ve also had an internal scan of my uterus done to check for fibroids/blocked tubes etc but all clear too. We just seem to have more and more questions as this goes on and nothing is indicating a problem so it’s a total mystery and blooding infuriating when you’re trying so hard to get it right x

[Tryagain45]

I'm so sorry for your BFN. It's so hard to take after so many trys. I've been there.

Have the clinic altered your meds after each BFN? Are you on steroids? Blood thinners? Enough progesterone? Have you ecer had an endo scratch? Have they mentioned a hysteroscopy to have a look inside womb to check it out?

Sorry for all the questions but allk these things are important and could make the difference.

Sending hugs x

[Bistbee in reply to Tryagain45]

Thanks for your kind words. Yep have been on blood thinners and was taking steroids during my second (fresh) round. Loads of progesterone in the form of tablets, please ties and PIO Injections and I’ve had the internal scan done to check uterus looks ok, which it does. So far there doesn’t seem to be any reasons they can give apart from it must just be the embryos not developing properly after transfer, which is shit because there is literally nothing anyone can do at that stage!

I’ve not had the endo scratch so will add that to my list of things to talk to our doctor about. just want some answers rather than more questions!! X

[Tryagain45 in reply to Bistbee]

I'm sorry to hear that all the meds you've had haven't worked. My nurse told me that 95% of the work is done by the embryo so a lot of it is out of our control. Would be good to ask about an endo scratch...lots have success with it. Also even though a scan is good...sometimes it's good to look inside the womb properly with a hysteroscopy. This can show up things you can see on the scan. Worth a think about. Wishing you lots of luck with the next part of your journey xx

[aamiller405]

So sorry.. Such a difficult journey.. I hope you get your BFP very soon xo

[Picalilli99]

I’m so sorry. The disappointment of a BFN is truly crushing. I can really relate to so much of what you have said. We recently had our 5th BFN and also feel so unsure about what it means for us and how best to move forward. We have our follow up appointment tomorrow so hoping to get some answers, although fear we may not as there just seems to be so much uncertainty associated with this whole process. Take care of yourself at this really difficult time and try not to put too much pressure on yourself to make any decisions right now (e.g. to do with work or your next steps). I hope in time you get some answers and feel better about your next steps and fingers crossed you get your bfp very soon xxxx

[Cinderella5]

I'm so sorry! I completely sympathise with you. We had 4xBFNs before we saw a positive and its should destroying. Have you tried prednisolone (steriods), we got a BFP after using them....luck or coincidence, cant say for sure! We havent got our baby yet but might be something else to try. Hugs.xx