Grief and living thru it after loss....

[Dolphin100]

so a bit of brief history

Have been caring for my grandma for years, doctors, hopsital appointments, shopping etc

After christmas she had a suspected blocked bowel. Tried to treat at home with gp and 111 input. New years eve got rushed to himchingbrooke hospital. Turned out her appendix had burst and she needed surgery, at 88 she went into surgery on the 1st jan. She made it thru and we had many calls to the hospital as she was deteriorating. Several times she pulled round.

We decided as a close family to have her discharged for her to come home as a trial.

We did this for 2 weeks (istarted a new job on jan 4th so wasnt great but i could work from home so i could help)

We had several more ups and downs. Then she wasnt passing urine, (she was under palliative care but nothing from the hospital to help, carers 4x a day) they tried numerous times to recatherise her but nothing helped. She ended up back in hospital PCH.

NO CONTACT from her consultant there until o said i want to speak with someone. Monday 14th feb we were called in, she had gone downhill so fast antibiotics were not working. At 4pm myself and her youngest son agreed to keep her comfortable and withdraw treatment, her consultant agreed.

Her closest family were with her from 2pm to 8pm. As a family we agreed to leave her in their care as we knew she would hold on if we stayed. As i got into bed on Feb 14th at 9.45 the phone rang and i instantly knew she had gone.

She wasy rock, my world, i would do anything for her. My heart is broken. I dont know how to move forwards... everything i do reminds me of her.

I have such special memories of things we did together and now being told a friend that she had died in her sleep 2 weeks ago is harder than ever. I know she wouldnt want me to be like this but some days are worse than others.

I miss her so much. Its a heartache that never leaves me. 💔💔💜💜

#bereavement #gr

[Caza]

it’s so very hard isn’t it when someone you love dies.

Your Grandma will live on through you. Keep on to those happy memories of the times you spent together. Allow yourself time to grieve but also try & enjoy some happy times. Your still young & she most certainly of wanted you to be happy. Big hugs x

[Dolphin100 in reply to Caza]

i know she is at rest and out of pain but i need to learn to move forward and carry on.

Its so hard when the simple things we did together. 😪

I have some special jewellery of hers and lovely gifts too. It doesnt help as we havent scattered her ashes yet xx

[Dolphin14]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it is to find a way to move on.

Only time can heal. We can tell ourselves over and over that they would want us to go on, that they wouldn't want us to struggle, etc. That's all true, they loved us. But we have to go through the ups and downs of the grieving process. There is no easy way around it.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. Definitely look back on those beautiful memories and let the tears flow when you need to. Life feels empty, someone is missing.

My heart is with you

🐬

[Dolphin100 in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you. That made me cry xx

[Dolphin14 in reply to Dolphin100]

Sending you peace my fellow dolphin.

[Dolphin100]

thank u xx

[Thissucks37]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Grieving someone we love is a normal process. It takes time and a lot of tears. It’s not something to be rushed and move forward and just get on with life. Allow yourself time not only to deal with the loss but also the trauma of caring for someone who is sick. Give yourself some extra care. Wishing you peace. xo

[Dolphin100]

Thank u, the last few days have been so hard.

Xx