How do you cope with loss?

[alannahguy]

Around two weeks ago I lost my nan who I was very very close with all of my life. A few months before her passing she was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressants which appeared to make things worse for example, her mood and appetite which then spiralled out of her control and she became very weak.

Doctors said she had "given up" on life. For me I find this very hard to comprehend as she was very strong willed. I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation?

Because it happened so so suddenly and it felt like me and my family were kept in the dark about her feelings (she was very private) I feel very isolated, numb and emotionless. I was wondering if anyone knows any way of getting out of this feeling. I feel that I need something to happen in order for me to have closure.

Any feedback or advice would be greatly appreciated at this time.

[jaykay777]

I'm sorry to hear about your nan. From what I've read, some of us may never experience closure. They say it is normal to keep thinking about the weeks leading up to your loss in great detail. Feeling numb is one of the sensations that most people feel in the first few weeks of loss. When my husband died, I didn't tell any of my friendly neighbors for the first week because I was so numb. You will find caring people here and feel a little less alone. You might want to find an in-person grief support group in your area. I tried one but found it overwhelming.

[alannahguy in reply to jaykay777]

thank you for your words jaykay777. I might try that and hope you have found some closure on your loss.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello alannahguy

I too had a similar experience, I was so close to my Nan and then suddenly she was gone. The pain was awful, made worse by the fact that I wasn't informed of her sudden decline.

I really feel for you and I am now in a position to say, make a memory box, keep all the cards, letter, bits and bobs that remind you of your dear Nan. Take it out when you are wish and take comfort from the memories that lie within. I wish I had known that all those years ago.

Take care and always remember, we're here for you.

Chloe

[alannahguy in reply to chloe40]

Hi, I have a lot of things that I could put together and will definitely make something memorable and hopefully that will give me comfort. thank you so much for your words.

[Hidden]

Hello alannahguy,

First of all may I welcome you to our friendly and supportive forum.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your much loved nan. When you lose a close family member you can feel so many different things. Your feeling numb, emotionless and isolated are all a natural part of you trying to make sense of what has happened. As you start to rationalise these events you may start to feel your emotions more. Grief affects people in different ways and we all grieve in our own time and in our own way.

Give yourself time alannahguy, it is early days. Take one day at a time and try to be kind to yourself. Do you have another family member or a close friend you can talk to?

We are always here to support you in any way we can, take care,

Love and blessings, Lottie x

[alannahguy in reply to Hidden]

Hi, thank you for letting me know this is completely normal! Yes I am very close to my mum and dad so that's comforting. thank you for your kind words, it is so appreciated x

[Hidden in reply to alannahguy]

You are welcome alannahguy. We are always here to support you, you take care

Lottie x

[chrissapam]

maybe she had been depressed because she instinctively knew she was coming to the end of her life....it is very sad but I regret to say possibly part of a natural process....it sounds as if you did your absolute best for her...do try and be kind to yourself....am sure its what...from what you say...she would have wanted love C

[alannahguy in reply to chrissapam]

thank you, it's just hard to understand at this stage, it's nice to get a second opinion from someone else. thank you for your response. x

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi sorry to hear of your loss.as said previous maybe keeping it private was her wish.its best to seek counselling sooner rather than later that way you can understand easier.my mum was the same she had a little kidney infection and because she refused medication she passed away.we got told she would have recovered within ten days but she also suffered terrible depression after losing three kids before the age of one.she was also agoraphobic which never helped either.maybe if your family make an appointment you can go together and comfort each other.

[alannahguy in reply to kenster1]

thank you so much for your comment. Yes i will consider counselling with my family, we're quite close so that helps. I hope one day we will be able to learn more about depression and understand more of how to deal with it. I'm sorry for your loss too.