How bereavement hits us like a freight train.

Good morning everyone,

As I know some of you and consider you my friends I thought I'd share an experience I had the week before Christmas when I received 2 Christmas cards. As this is my new home I was thrilled and the first was from a family friend who I'd grown up with as our mums were best friends telling me her younger sister had just suddenly died of cancer. I felt mortified and opened the second card in an emotional daze to find it's from a friend whose husband had been killed in a freak accident and I was with him on my bike just before the accident and the card said how 3 years later she was still so unhappy and missed him terribly. My mood changed in seconds obviously as it was all so moving.

And this is the problem the ones who are left behind suffer as the loved one is at peace. When in reality our loved ones do not want us to suffer like this and I think that it's vitally important for everyone to realise that we have these shared negative emotions and by talking about shared emotions can be empowering and helping others is a very positive thing to do as there is always someone who feel worse than we do.

Here's an interesting link with do's and don'ts on how to support someone who is suffering the loss of a loved one.

helpguide.org/articles/grie...

I'm sorry if this is a bit long winded.

Jerry.

[Hidden]

It's always a right shock isn't it even if it was expected.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Most definitely Hidden it also reminds us of our own vulnerability...

[MEW53]

I was going through my Christmas Cards to check who they were from and I noticed a couple missing, strangely enough I got a call from a friend’s husband a few days who I hadn’t seen for a while do say that she had passed away from a brain tumour. He was inviting me to the funeral next week.

The other person I didn’t get a card from happened to email me saying her husband was going into hospital for surgery.

You never know what’s going on behind the scenes when a Christmas card doesn’t appear.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to MEW53]

Hello MEW53

Really sorry to read your news!

You're so right, sometimes we're so wrapped up in our own plight, we forget that others are going through these things too, a real shock for you I'm sure.

Do take care of yourself MEWS and lovely to hear from you.

Chloe

[chloe40 Administrator]

Welcome to our Community Jerry, lovely to have you with us.

That's was a bitter sweet experience for you Jerry.

It's true, for many of us grief seems to be a constant companion but it's also true that our loved ones would not like us to be suffering like this. Sometimes, we cannot recognise when we have come to an acceptance of our loss and that is why some linger in such awful pain.

We're here for everyone who needs us <3

Chloe

[Hidden in reply to chloe40]

Thank you Chloe, it was a very difficult because we had parted company on the cycle path as I was going off roading and he was on his new road bike and I agonised whether I should tell her we were together a few miles from where it happened. But I did and I told her how the path forked we went different ways and as we disappeared from view we were smiling and waving and how happy he was.

One of my friends said how nice it must be for her to be able to share her grief and that's what it's all about, listening and being there for each other, so thank you again.

Jerry.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Jerry,

I'm sure his mother got a lot of comfort knowing he was happy then and I'm pleased to know that you also have some happy memories to look back on, take solace from the picture in your mind. I must add, that the fact that you both took different paths really got to me <3

Chloe

[Kathush]

Jerry, this is so very true. We are left to suffer while the ones passed are at peace. I have to remind myself over and over again as i miss my mom so much. It has been 4 years now and i still do not feel like myself most days. Thank you for posting this.

[Hidden in reply to Kathush]

Hey thank you Kathush it's only natural to miss our loved ones so I am sorry that you feel this way as you obviously loved your mum.

I miss my mum she lived to be 96 and died of cancer but the gap it left in my life was enormous and my feelings of self worth evaporated.

I feel that by sharing our emotions we realise that we aren't alone and our feelings are natural and understandable.

[Kathush in reply to Hidden]

Yes! Jerry, my self worth and my self confidence is gone after mom passed. I dont understand it but when you commented about your self worth being gone after your mom..wow. Same. I do have to tell you though, you are someone who is most definitely worthy and appreciated by me...and im quite sure a whole lot here think the same.

[Hidden in reply to Kathush]

Thank you so much Kathush I think it's a natural emotion because we don't know how to deal emotionally with our loss and feel a sense hopelessness because something way beyond our control has affected us very dramatically.

I have lots of fond memories of mum and know that she knew that I loved her.

You make a great contribution to the forums and come across in a positive and healthy manner, so you are appreciated and are a very worthy person. 😊

[Kathush in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Jerry.

[Mia51]

I miss my son died a few months ago...only34 yrs old.He took his own life.

[Hidden in reply to Mia51]

Hello Mia51 this is very sad and I'm so sorry I have a 37 year son and I was a single working dad so I cannot imagine how this has made you feel.

Jerry.

[Mia51]

Thank you for your kind thoughts Jerry.Im on my own too as my marriage is finished and now this.Im not one for wanting sympathy,but it’s amazing how you manage to cope.Well I hope I am....just scared it’s going to hit me sometime.xx

[Hidden]

Hey you're welcome and I'd focus on looking after your self and your needs as I'd feel scared.

I like my own company and live alone and you're right it makes us very resilient having to cope.

Jerry.

[Greyone]

That was quite a hit you took there. I must admit that when it happened to me 'a few' years ago I had a kind of relief that I could do nothing to help but grieve in my own way. A very old friend of mine, and hard-working single mother of two, passed away in a very sad way.

I'm pleased to see that the website your mention has a global focus, not just the US. I very much appreciate how you talk of sharing. Thank you for such a fine post.

[Hidden]

Thank you Greyone we are all vulnerable to things beyond our control and unexpected mishaps.

You're right there is nothing materially that we can do but support is worth so much and listening to someone and being there for others is what gets us through life.

I think one great aspect of social media is on line support where we can relate to each other in one way or another. This is empowering as it gives us the opportunity to be open and honest about how we really feel and when we realise others feel the same it's relief.

Thank you again for your kind comments.

Jerry.

[Kathush]

And i am so sorry of the loss of you mom as well. Hurts like nothing else in life. xx