My friends mum died just a week ago. She was a lovely gentle woman. At 99 she knew the end was near & she’d left introductions as to what she’d like as in funeral wake etc…Her family have decided to go against her wishes. I feel this is really disrespectful & it’s really disturbing me so much that I might not go. Am I being over sensitive? I know I should just let it go but it’s made me angry.
what do you folk think?
Hi Caza
Hmm... a difficult one for sure.
Personally, I would feel the same and I'd also be cross. I really can't understand why they would do this, give the woman some dignity I say, but I wouldn't want you to regret not going, so it's a hard one for you<3
You asked for our thoughts, so I'll Share mine with you.
I feel...and think :-)... that funerals are for those who have loved and lost. A funeral is to comfort the bereaved....to help them celebrate the person they have loved, and still love, in the best way they can.
I hear what you are saying but it isn’t their sort of place either. I think they’ve taken the easy option & to be fair they’ve had a difficult few months being on call 24/7. I’ve calmed down now & of course will be going.
I think you're right; it is disrespectful. It is on their conscience though, not yours.
I think they should respect her wishes however hard it is.My friend took her own life and planned her funeral beforehand.No music,no flowers,no cars,no fuss,just a small photo of her.There were only 10 of us there as it was lockdown but I think she would of liked that.
Thats so very sad, that she took her own life. Things must of been very bleak for her to think she had no other way out.
A couple I met many moons ago lost their son through suicide & he had left them a video he’d made himself. On it he’d said why & he’s wishes for his funeral. How hard must that of been to watch.
I’ve decided not to have a funeral at all. Alternative arrangements have been made & paid for in full. I wonder if my family will go along with my wishes. I’m thinking they might be pressured into going against my wishes by my friends.
I will go to my friends mum’s funeral & keep my thoughts to myself.
It was very sad,she was a lovely lady.I had been speaking to her on the phone 2 days before,we were laughing and joking.I will always remember that.
I've told my daughter I don't want anyone wearing black at my funeral,I've chosen some songs,I want pink flowers and lots of cake! She just started crying.!
children don’t like to talk about their parents impending deaths do they. I think that’s a shame as death is part of life & should be talked about. Of course it depends on the age of the child. My children won’t let me tell them what I’d like when the time comes & they’re all adults now. So I’ve sorted it myself.
That’s often said isn’t it that a person who is planning to take their own life becomes happier once the decision has been made. So very hard for you.
Hi Caza, that is a dilemma and difficult to say witout knowing what or why. But...
Does everyone else agree with the changes being made or are they going along with them to keep the peace?
Have you shared your thoughts with any of the others or are things tense?
Maybe they would take your side if they knew how you felt.
Good luck with such a tricky situation.
yes I did say to my friend, the deceased daughter but she said it was easier if they held it at the home where she lived rather than where her mum wanted it to be held. I don’t know what other people think.
I’ve put it to one side. I’m sure the family have done what they think best. I’ve read the speeches & they’re really heart felt. At least it’s taking place in the church that she wanted. Just not in the place where she wanted tea & cake served.
