I suffer from anxiety & depression, have been in treatment for alcohol addiction. I was in a co-dependent relationship for 8 years. My Girlfriend suffered from the same aswell as dual dignoses. There was a fire at my flat, My girlfriend didn't make it, I was rescued but wish most of the time I wasn't? I keep thinking What If? Why? She was the lucky one? I will never get answers? even after 2 and a haf years, it still seems like yesterday. I have up days and down days and feel that I am here to suffer now, It was not my fault? or was it? Girlfriend self harmed, & was due to go into treatment again, but wasn't copeing, she started fire, but did not wish to die in it. A cry to attract my attention I am told. She always said she would never hurt me, & never did. but she often hurt herself. Doesn't matter how much therapy I attend, I feel I will never get peace, cant move on & dont feel I want to?. I think about her all the time.
I run a very successful website in-recovery.com that I started to join with others that had addiction related issues, & feel that is what keeps me going, It is my self awareness. Suppose I am still & always be looking for answers. Thanks for reading