Hi I've never posted on a forum before and I honestly feel a bit weird doing it, but I'm hoping someone out there can help or just give me some advise.
I'm a 30 year guy and have just recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year. I've never suffered with any sort of anxiety before, but since the break up I feel like I'm loosing it.
I fell hard for this girl I mean madly deeply in love with her and I honestly thought she felt the same way. I mean she was the type of girl most guys dream of gorgeous, funny, intelligent, caring and I could go on listing things for a while. We had already talked about living together, marriage and kids and for the first time in my life I wanted all of those things and more. We had to deal with it being a long distance relationship as she had to more away for work. We was making it work at least I thought we was. Then about 2 months ago just after our year anniversary she said she was having doubts about our relationship. I wanted to fight and make things work, but she seem to just give up at the first hurdle. So we spent some time apart. That when I started to feel extremely anxious about everything. I lost my appetite couldn't sleep properly and just felt like I couldn't function.
So after two weeks of not really knowing what's going on she decided to end it over the phone. I know that because of the distance between us it was just how it happened, but I found it hard not doing it face to face. The reason she gave for breaking up where mainly the long distance thing and also she felt like she needed some time to herself. She wasn't totally clear on the reasons as she contradicted herself a few times. She said she still really cares about me and also said that if it wasn't for the long distance things would probably have worked out. I told her exactly how I feel in all honesty I poured my heart out to her. I'm not an overly emotional guy, but I completely broke down which is something I'm not used to I'm more broken up over this than when I lost my father a few years back. I'm just confused as to how she's feeling and obviously if I've still got a chance with her. I'm still completely and totally in love with get she is the first and last thing I think about. I've tried to keep my self busy, but the things I used enjoy doing to relax no longer help. We are meant to be seeing each other next week so I'm now stressing about how I should deal with the situation and what I should say to her.
Since the break up my symptoms of anxiety have got worse I barley eat it sleep I constantly feel sick and like I've got a lump in my throat. I'm having heart palpitations and shortness of breath and just generally feel claustrophobic and on the edge of crying (which as I said is nothing like me). I've never had to deal with these sort of feeling before I've always been the sort of person who whenever life give me a problem I just brush myself off and move on I've always been a resilient person. Having never suffers with anxiety I wasn't sure what it was at first, but after a bit of research and talking to my sister who suffers from it I think that's what it is. I'm considering seeing my doctor as its effecting my day to day life. I'm extremely lucky I've got a good circle of friends and family around me because if I didn't I'm certain thing would be much worse.
As I said earlier I've never done this sort of thing so I apologise if I've rambled on a bit. I'm just hoping someone could help or just give a little advise.
hi willrich, deffinatly go see your docter if its affecting you that much, you dont have to take meds you could always go down the herbal route. many moons ago me and my first boyfriend of four years split and i was soooo ill i didnt know what was happening., i even colapsed at one point from lack of food and sleep.... is this your first real love??? i know this is not what you really want to hear but if she decides she no longer wants to be with you then time is the healer, although you are meeting up which is a little confussing as you have already split?. i felt like my world was ending and im not gonna lie for me personally it took a long time before i dated again cos i just couldnt bare to get close to anyone but thats me. think you need to have a good chat with her when you meet up and see how she really feels....is it the distance or something else? if its just the distance and you are both in love then sod everything else move and be with her if thats what it takes. do let me know how it goes and ramble on here all you want thats what its for. xxxxx
Thank you for the reply sam1981. She wants to meet so we can clear the air (whatever that means). I thought I'd been in love before, but after this I'm not so sure. I think it will take me a while to get over this if I'm honest. I totally agree that's my stance in the distance thing. Well hopefully ill find out more next week and I'll defiantly let you know how it goes. Thank you again for the reply as stupid as it sounds it helps to know I'm not the only that's gone/going through this.
We are all friends here and will support you as much as we can.
I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you are. Please don't beat yourself up as its not your fault this has happened. You sound like a very caring individual and she was lucky to have you. I haven't had this expierience myself so can only advise you that when you meet up with her, let her start the conversation, don't go telling her too much at first about your anxiety as it may scare her away. Listen carefully to what she has to say to explain her actions. Be aware of you body language too. Try and keep a relaxed posture. Etc.
Remember she wants to meet up so that's a positive, right.
I wish you all the best will, keep posting on here, you will get loads of support.
Love Cookie xxx
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Thanks for the reply and the Knox words Cookie. I'll defiantly listen to the advise you have given me hopefully it will help. x
So sorry to read your blog and as cookie said we are all friends here trying to help support and give advice whatever the problem.
You sound the sort of guy that any girl would be looking for meaning you have feelings and a heart and you seem to care. Sometimes now what you read and hear thats unique.
I suppose right now you are feeling totally lost and alone which is causing you to have these temporary problems. A year is a long time and when you think this is the one for me its hard to accept.
Sometimes long relationships do take there toll and can be very frustrating when two people are wanting to be together like you talked about.
But the good thing is she is wanting to meet up with you. perhaps you can sit and talk and find out where the problem lies. It could be something that you could sort out.
Try to keep and open mind and like cookie was saying dont give away much with body language take a step back.
Please keep blogging here as the people are understanding and terrific company when your having a hiccup.
I really hope you find a solution to your problem Good Luck
Hey Seyi thanks for your kind words. That's one of the things confusing me about the whole situation is she has told me how great an how caring I am and that I deserve someone better than her. As you said hopefully I'll be able to find out more wen we see each other. I will defiantly keep posting here. Thnx again x
Hi Willrich
Sorry to hear youre suffering...... IM going through this awful anxiety through a relationship problem too.... But I have finished the relationship that was a long distance thing.... I did move last year but he went away to work so Ive backpeddled, asked him to move here and hje says he cant, so Ive ended it (I did have an awful interfering mother in law though)....
So the fact that she want s to meet up is a positive thing.... do try and eat even if its a little, you will get ill if you cant eat... you need your strength...
But if you love her.... bollocks to it,, just move to her and be happy......
If however the meeting doesnt go as you hoped, at least you will know...... you may feel its the end of the world, but its not.....you will be hapy again .....
Wishing you all the luck in the world, try and look after yourself and eat.....
Luv Ker xx
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Hi Anne64 just wanted to say thank you for your comments. Although I've not got much of an appetite and I'm not eating and enjoying my food as much as I used to I'm still making sure I eat so don't worry. I'd love to say bollocks to everything and move nearer to her. Keep your fingers crossed for me next week
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I will do....... let us know how you get on.............x
Hiya mate,sorry to hear about your relationship,they can get confusing at times,funny old thing love.My concern is your anxiety,whatever happens,you are still alive,life will go on and time is a healer.Try to focus on dealing with your anxiety no matter what happens,dont let it drag you down,I went through it with my ex wife,divorce crippled me but I got through and I was married for a long time,you do recover.Take care and I hope things work out.
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Thanx for the reply I'm trying to keep my self occupied and take my mind off my anxiety it's just some days I struggle more than others. Sorry to hear about your divorce, but I'm happy to hear you've managed to move on and be happy.
I've been in the same position and lost something I thought was forever in tragic circumstances - long distance too. Now she's got someone else a year on and I'm in pieces over it. You're not just anxious at this point, you are depressed too. Everything seems lost. Distance can work when you're in a relationship but it's terrible when it ends for the dumped person. Fight for it mate if you can, hope you win
Thank you warren sorry to hear about you situation mate. I'm planning on fighting although I do think its a lost cause. I'll have to see what happens next week. Hope your doing ok.
I'm in exactly the same boat. It's even worse with the weekend coming up because that's when I'm so used to seeing her and I just can't get motivated to do anything else. I'm sure we will both get through this and be all the stronger for it.
I hope I can but it is affecting my entire life at the moment, trying to keep distracting but motivation is almost impossible. Worst still I know without certain events I could still be with her. It's a terrible time, I hope someday it passes but I just don't know
I'm sorry to hear your having such a rough time of it mate. I'm having a bit more of an optimistic day today where as yesterday was a really bad one. I know what you mean about motivation I know I should be trying to keep myself busy and keep active, but it's so hard finding the energy. I hope you manage to have a better day tomorrow
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