I am 52 years. Was referred to see a Psychiatrist when I was in my late 20s. The Psychiatrist was incoherent & I stopped after several fruitless sessions. Then again in my late 30s I was referred to a Psychiatrist. Coming from a third world community where healthcare & the coordination of it is poor, it is only in 2012 after I saw a Clinical Psychologist did I realize that what I had been suffering is panic attacks, anxiety, depression or a their combination. Not knowing what was happening to me for such a long time felt like hell, fear and torment. Still I doubt if it is any less now that I know more about it now. I used to be of strong Christian faith & always had hope in God but now I pray & go to church after huge effort. I feel like I am at disfavor with God but God says He will never leave nor forsake us. My wife of 15 years doesn't understand what I am going through so she is indifferent. Sometimes she is harsh when I am in my desolate mood of sorrow, withdrawal & anger which makes me feel worse at such times. I make female friends who help me feel better but then I start to feel guilty for being married & making a girlfriend. I can't tell my story in one day but I am just miserable & sometimes wonder why I am alive. I wonder why God didn't take my life when I had not descended to this level. I have a job currently and still manage to practice business Consulting on the side & wonder that generally people see me as normal but deep inside I feel dead. I have kids & wish to live for them. I am seeing a Clinical Psychologist & Psychiatrist but they don't help much. The medication-(Tryptizol) feels terrible & the Psychologist seems limited!!. recently I am also speaking with a Devout Christian faithful. Am doing all I can to beat what I am facing. Some days are better but some seem to be only just better than dead.. I am glad I found this forum. Just any helpful advice, guide, comment of good intention will be appreciated. Thank you everyone for your time.