expressing yourself

Dear Community,

I haven't written anything for a number of weeks since i wasn't sure what to write. I now have a gentle desire to say or write things. I feel a desire or subtle urge to say or write things. By things I mean write about things that I have experienced.

I have suffered from anxiety for many years and from panic attacks for around a year. I have had councelling for around a year and a half, and will continue with it, and take citralopram 10mg and also keep an emotional diary.

The thing that has just come up(in my mind, so to speak) , is the time that I asked my then girlfriend(2001) to marry me. She said 'yes', however, when I subsequently asked her if she was happy she said ' I think so'. Something in me heard her say, ' I am not sure', rather than the 'I think so'. The relationship finished a few months later.

I feel as if this is a topic that I have not talked about much, however I do now feel a sense of relief or opening up or perhaps getting in touch with or acceptance that the topic is there.

lots of love and big hugs to you all,

Marcus xxx

10 Replies

  • Hi Marcus

    I am not going to be able to resist answering you now am I , even though I should be thinking

    I am sorry to hear this , I no you find it hard to open up & even though this is sad to hear , again it shows how your confidence is growing , to feel you can tell us more about you

    I would say as a woman if someone asked me if I was happy , if I was it would be a "yes course I am , why do you ask ? " if I was to say I think so , then maybe she wasn't sure & you read the signals correctly

    I don't no the full story , but I would have thought had this been what she had wanted , then she would have tried to convince you , yet it seems not the case

    It must have hurt deeply , as to get to the stage of asking someone to marry you , that tells me you must have been very much in love

    Trying to think of a positive though, maybe it was best you found out when you did , as divorce is a lot more painful & if children are involved even more so

    Thank you for trusting us & sharing your thoughts with us all

    Special hugs just for you

    {{{{{{{special hugs }}}}}}}}

  • Whywhy you are still here phew x

    Ok so I know you are meant to be thinking so I won't drone on... But would like to say that whatever your decision(and it has to be right for you x) I want you to know that you touched my life in a special way and I will never ever forget this time in my life. I'm glad you didn't just disappear it would have been horrible. You are a kind, lovely, funny person and if you decide to stay I will be over the moon but if you go promise that you will take good care of yourself and get well. Lots of love as always eve x

  • xxx

  • Dear Whywhy,

    It is nice to read that it appears that i could have read the signals correctly.

    It is truely special to see that you responded.

    a lovely hug,


  • Big hugs Marcus

    You are such a lovely person and you are doing so well. You have expressed yourself so well and as hard as the breakup was then it would have been harder had it rumbled along and not being truly happy. I think from what you have written you read the situation correctly. take care love eve x

  • Dear Eve39,

    Thank you, Eve,

    Thank you for your supportive and empathetic words. I feel supported and helped.

    a big hug,

    Marcus xxx

  • Hi Marcus , I think why why hit it on the head . You did read the signals well and although a break up hurts like hell in the long run you will survive . I once read a message on a card once which says that we easily fall in love , but have to crawl our way out of it . You are talking which is great and is a positive step to healing your heart .

    God bless

  • Dear Cloudy146,

    Thank you for your kind, supportive and encouraging words.

    warmest regards,

    Marcus xxx

  • Hi Marcus, I can totally understand you holding back until you felt ready... it's the best way :-) well done for getting to this point, you are on the road to recovery. Just take things slowly and be kind to yourself, you can get through this :-)

    Gentle hugs, Moop x

  • Dear Moop,

    Thank you for your supportive and encouraging words.

    warmest regards,

    Marcus xxx

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