Anxiety

Hi everyone!!!!

New to this so here it goes!!

I am 20 years old, 21 in August :) I'm from Ireland! Living in a very rural area! I'm writing this because I know I am suffering from anxiety and depression but trying to hold it away. I never used to be this bad, I always was shy in school but always had my friends. In secondary school I did get bullied by girls and I think it's been pretty much since then it's been there nagging me. I finished school 4 years ago. I went to college for 1 year, hated it, I dreaded going in every day, i felt sick in my stomach going on the bus in every day because I didn't enjoy it. I have known for a very long time I am suffering from social anxiety.. I haven't been told but I just know it. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years now. He is my best friend. I'm lucky to have him, recently I've got a bit worse and now I'm only starting to come out more and tel him how I am really feeling inside. He does understand and he told me I should defiently seek help, I know he is here for me but I know he won't be able to help me as much as a therapist or DR. So, really am .... we hang out with lots of the lads (my boyfriends friends) a lot that would be my 'friends' too but not recently I have been hearing a lot just that they talk a lot BS behind my back and it really put me down even more being around them now. My boyfriends brother has a girlfriend also there Engaged now and she has never liked me from day 1. I am always very nice to her and as people must know I am very very shy and I find it so hard to talk to people. I just know she doesn't like me she makes times for every one else but not me , my boyfriends other brother has a new girlfriend now and the engaged girlfriend has so much time for the new one and I just don't know what is wrong with me that no one makes time for me? I get weird looks when I'm out, if I'm out enjoying myself with my boyfriend dancing she would give dirty looks nd say small diggs like get a room ... While she dancing and kisses her boyfriend . I just don't get it. It's like I can't be happy? It's now xmas Eve and I can't believe I am writing this . I came home from being in the pub with my boyfriend few relations there of his and the girls, I felt horrible there so out of place even though I've been around forever ? I felt like they were All giving me such bad looks like I had 10 heads and no one would talk to me . We went early . I felt like I was going to just beak down. So it got me writing this. I am really dreading xmas day tomorrow as we go from my house to his house and family and as this I have to be around the few people that don't like me . It's hard sitting there because last year we were all there and I saw that 2 of the girls were actually texting about me over and back while I as there n the room and they would smerk at each other . I felt so upset but couldn't do anything because every one was there n the room. I just feel so hopeless really anymore I hate going out I can't go to the shop alone , I hate it, I feel like people stare at me that I'm ugly I can't go out without makeup .. People say I look lovely on a night out I feel like there lying and then I see them looking at me and laughing if I'm dancing or just being normal. I know I do need to talk to someone but I'm finding it very hard to get the confidence to. Right now I just feel sick and weak and I dread every minute of every day . My hands shake if we are out with the girls that stand there together Looking at me or trying to be all'fake' I get so upset I literally start to shake. I feel like I just can't handle much more of it anymore and need to talk to someone and seek help. I'm not sure will I stop them from not liking me but I hope it does. It's ruining my life , and especially living in such a small place every one knows everyone, aloft of people talk about people around here.its not Nice atal. I get a lot of headaches and feeling sick. I recently had a good 'friend' which I found out she was actually just using me because I bought her fags all the time and food, apparently she only felt sorry for me because I have no friends and apparently I'm a freak, I just feel so low after hearing stuff like that and I don't know why people talk about me so badly . I'm such a quite girl & always nice to everyone . They say stuff like I don't let me boyfriend go out if we don't go out one weekend because he says he is wrecked from work , but everyone blames me ??? I seem to always get the blame and the looks and everything that is going and i never ever used to be like this .

Someone please reply

I couldn't type everything that's only half of what I have to deal with with the people here.

Thanks

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10 Replies

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  • Have you told your boyfriend about the attitude of the girlfriend of his brother?? Apart from this girl, how do you know that other family members do not like you? Ignore the idiots whom have said stuff about you; but discuss with your bf re the girl you think hates you. Many people are shy; its not a reason for people to be nasty; don't be around anyone that is nasty to you. You need to gain confidence and def go and see the Dr in the new year.... Re today, try and be happy with your boyfriend; sounds like he cares alot about you; if anything is said re any nasty comments, i would expect him to stick up for you...Do you think in any way you might be imagining that this girl doesn't like you due to your own anxieties/seemingly low self esteem?? How do your bf's mum and dad treat you? Why not offer to help out re the cooking or something; have a little natter to the mother . Whose idea was it for you to go to the inlaws so to speak?? Personally, i wouldnt go somewhere where anyone didnt like me. Maybe its time to move away from this small location where it sounds like many people gossip etc. ?? xx Maybe also, don't stay all day?? Like go home around 5/6 and spend a cosy evening with your bf watching a good comedy xx

  • Thanks for your reply!

    My boyfriend knows exactly what she is like. He tells me not to take notice of it that she isn't worth it. It's just hard not to because I am around her a lot as we live close and she is always in the same house that we do be in a lot. The other family members love me , my boyfriends mom and dad we get on very well and sister and brothers, I've been with I'm nearly 5 years now but never could get close to the other girl friend. I try but it seems she doesn't .usualy I get bad looks from her and my boyfriends cousin she would be year younger than me and the girlfriend is 27!! I just don't get it why she isn't nice to me , very fake and I can see what way she looks at me , the both of them actually . Like last night they were all in the pub, when me and my boyfriend walked in I could see them looking at me and then looking at each other , I was wearing a dress for Stephens night which other people kept coming up to me saying I looked stunning , etc....

    I don't understand what it is I do try but it seems like she doesn't want to and she try's even more with the newer girlfriend that only has been here few months , and I've always been nice to them always quite never said anything bad , but have heard things a few of them have said about me !

    Xx

  • Hi there, first of all, try to focus on you, and not on what other people think about you. I know when we are young we tend to care about everybody else's opinions, but this is just a bad habit. Just be you, and if they don't like you for who you are, well, so be it. It would be their loss to miss the opportunity to know the awesome girl you are. Love yourself first, so you can love others. Don't let people who don't deserve your friendship make you feel like down and depressed. It is not worthy to even think about them. You are the captain of your ship, so don't let anyone's attitudes, jealousy, and careless behavior sink it. If you have your boyfriend who supports you, you are a winner! Sometimes all we need is just ONE person who cares to make you feel like life is worth trying to enjoy it and live it to its fullness. Be happy and Merry Christmas!

  • Number 1 you are worthy to be round other girls cuz they are the bitchy ones not u !... I am the same live in Ireland.. friends with my boyfriends friends but hate their girl friends well one or them ... just think ur out with ur boy friend and his mates forget about them .. if I get drunk I ask them what their problem is make sure they no u ain't backing down lol ... I found it easier to talk to my wee mammy and cried and cried aswell you need to get everything out and try one step at a time when going out .. go out at nyt to start with its easier ! ...

    Atm am suffering with sinuses, migraines and think me eyes are gunny go all funny it happened when I was driving the car with the children and it'scompletely scarred me ... am sitting on crimbo day absolutely sick to my stomach duno if it's the antibiotics

    But It's shit lol hope u feel better x

  • Thank you for your reply xx

  • Hi,this is Joe from London.I am a 60 year old consultant psychologist.

    Firstly,you have a great awareness of how you feel,how you think and what is going on around you.This self knowledge,although unpleasant is a form of power to change.

    After all,surely the first step to fixing anything is to know the details of what is wrong.You would be surprised how many people feel awful and don't know why.

    So this is very much one powerful thing in your favour.This means that when you begin to recieve or give yourself positive treatment the effect will be a much much faster And stronger cure.

    You sound like you have anxiety,depression,low self esteem,social phobia,and low assertiveness.

    You must feel really really awful.

    However,another wonderful point about all this is that your problems as listed above are powerfully interconnected and interdependent.In other words,break one and you break them all.They would then fall like a row of dominoes.

    So as terrible as things are,you have these 2 very very powerful advantages,though you will only feel the success of these once you begin treatment.

    So don't worry too much.Horrible to feel but easy to cure.

    You can begin to treat yourself by reversing your negative thoughts into positive thoughts.Speaking to yourself repeatedly in a positive approving and kind way.to speak to yourself as a wise loving caring and approving best friend would speak to you or give you advice.Your mind slowly becomes your own best friend.

    Reverse you horrible negative thoughts,whether true or not,it doesn't matter.Speak positively to yourself.

    You are beautiful,special,loved and wanted.People who are nasty to you can

    Be full of envy,they are certainly not happy in themselves .

    So talk with power and walk with pride.no one can replace you and other opinions are irrelevant to your wonderful future.

  • Thanks for this reply !

  • Hey take a big deep breath, slow down and stop... you are here to be the best you that you can be ..not to be something for anybody else just be you, and smell the roses..

    I'm hoping you are having a good day it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you you are unique and it sounds like there is a lot of jealous envy around you

    Below Joe got it spot on..

    You are beautiful,special,loved and wanted.People who are nasty to you can

    Be full of envy,they are certainly not happy in themselves .

    So talk with power and walk with pride.no one can replace you and other opinions are irrelevant to your wonderful future.

    There is a very bright amazing person inside you let her shine ... being worried about what others think is not for you ~ stand tall and be the best you for you !!

    You have a skill in writing too ..

    Good luck !!

  • Wow. Sounds like a lot of people are not being nice to you. Most people can be assholes, or if you're self-centered over not be nice to people that does not benefit them. I'm sorry you're surrounded by so many jerks. If it was me and I felt I had nothing to lose I may try to "call out" the people that were doing mean things. Living in a small area is difficult to maintain your self-esteem sometimes it is valuable to say things like "why are you texting about me". Good luck

  • Social anxiety can be tough,have suffered myself. Low self esteem and the bullying is prob where it started from. Go see the docs and make sure you see one that understands if not change. Your confidence is probably being destroyed by some of the people around you. You can change this. Replace the negative people around you if you can for more understand ones. I don't think many people your age will have any concept of what it's like for you. You need to get a support network of people that can nurture you and build up that self esteem. Perhaps talk with some older people, I went to the local church and was surprised at how much it has helped me. Good news though, it does get better.... chin up x

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