I am new to this site and it seems that everybody is very understanding.

[fuengirola1]

I seperated from my husband 9 months ago due to mental and physical violence. I thought that once I got away from him I would be ok but have found that I am suffering a sort of post tramatic stress thing. My gp has given me anti-depressants and I find they help but some days I get this terrible panicky feeling with chest pains and other physical aches and pains, the feeling of terror is just awful and I worry about the really stupid things that before I'd have never given a second thought too. Sometimes this feeling lasts for as long as a day - does anyone else suffer like this and what do you recommend to help, I've tried the usual things like deep breathing etc.

[BriarRose]

Hi there

I think you're absolutely right, you are sufferng from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder - understandably, I would think! Just because you've got away from your abusive husband doesn't mean the feelings/fears will disappear "automatically" - it will take a while, unfortunately!

This isn't something i know much about, having never (thank God) been in that situation, but you might find this website useful:-

womensaid.org.uk/default.asp

They have a freephone helpline, and may be able to put you in touch with support services/groups in your area which will help you come to terms with what you've been through.

You might also like to ask your doctor about counselling, to talk through your issues. I'm not sure, but Relate might also be able to help with this - not sure they deal with domestic abuse issues, but might be worth checking. Go to: -

relate.org.uk/relationship-...

Hope this helps, and remember - you WILL get through this! You've made the most important step, and removed yourself from the abusive situation - the only way now is UP!

Good luck, and keep posting!!!

Rose

xxxx

[fuengirola1 in reply to BriarRose]

Thank you so much, its nice to know that some one can understand, I'll keep you updated, thank you again.

[Hidden in reply to fuengirola1]

Hi. fuengirola. Of course they help because they have 'been there and UNDERSTAND. Can I say that you should avoid going to anyone who is 'clinical' in their approach to this problem. I am not saying that because a person has not been there they cannot help. I AM saying that you need help on a different level of understanding than the 'clinical' approach. If you have 'been there' you know,otherwise it is just theory. Keep blogging. Love and best wishes. jonathan.

[fuengirola1]

Thank you Jonathan, I know what you mean but I'd feel better if only I had some sort of control over these awful feelings of panic, I can't seem to find out what sets it off, usually nothing, Can't sit still, can't relax and the terrible feeling in my chest just freaks me out. Does anyone know how I can get some sort of help to feel better during these "attacks"?

[Wildmage]

Hi fuengirola. I understand these feelings because I have been where you are. I too was in an abusive relationsship,mainly mental abuse being put down and made to feel like I wS worthless but a few times it became physical.

Anyway long story but I got out and it has taken me a longtime to feel good/safe again. I still get anxiety. I am still scared of meeting soomeone new and I startle easy and get jumpy and panic in new situations. It is not easy and it will take time but if I can do it you can. Just keep taking one day at a time and maybe see a counseller or go on the Refuge website. This helped me. I also recommend a book called "evolving self confidence" by Terry Dixon. Helps you understand anxiety.

Hope this helps

Emma aka wildmage

[Hidden]

Hi. fuengirola. The physical and mental feelings of the Anxiety state can be devastating. You feel as if they will never go and that you are stuck with them. Now this is not true! Panic attacks are a natural re-action to THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ARE IN AT THE MOMENT.

I will talk about help in a moment. Sit down and let your body go. Slump in the chair. Now, can you make your symptoms worse by concentrating on them. No, you can't. The Adrenaline releasing nerves have done all they can at present so "IT" will not get worse. Do not go looking for reasons for this or that. It could be a multitude of things that trigger off your attacks. and you waste valuable energy looking. It is not feeling better during these attacks that you want it is a long term solution that will PREVENT these attacks occurring. The only 'control' you can have is to change your MOOD. But this may be too difficult at the moment so let us look at another aspect. Let me put to you a scenario. You feel a panic attack coming on. What do you do? You try and run away, avoid it, control it, do you not? 'You would feel better if you had some sort of 'control'. But YOU cannot control your INVOLUNTARY nervous system It is its own master and a good thing too. It controls our breathing, the functioning of our organs etc. If we had control God knows what would happen!!

It reacts to our MOODS. Your mood, at the moment, is one of ANXIOUS THINKING, the system takes this up, it says, DANGER and starts to pour out Adrenaline. This manifests as a FIGHT or FLIGHT reaction. A panic attack. Now I want you instead of running away in FEAR and trying to 'control' "IT" to STOP FIGHTING and STRUGGLING and let the feelings come. This is difficult but you will find that it is not as bad as you think. FIGHTING, STRUGGLING creates more Adrenaline, more FEAR. You are then caught in the vicious circle. This is not easy and no one would say it is, but it can be done. It takes TIME for a wound to heal and your wounds are deep so do not expect immediate results. But, if you persevere the outcome can only be good. Bless you and Love. jonathan.

[fuengirola1]

Thank you both above, you are so kind. I have always been a normally strong person and can't believe I've allowed myself to get like this but as you both say, go with the flow and I suppose as they say "time is the great healer". Thank you both again,at least I now know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

[Hidden]

Hi. fuengirola1. Thanks for the kind words. You have not 'allowed' yourself to get like this. Events, circumstances beyond our control take over. We are like a little ship caught in a storm. You did not ask for the storm. It just arrives and it is how we ride it out that is important. "One ship sails East and one sails West, while the self same breezes blow. It's not the gails but the set of the sails that send them where they go". Sorry to quote at you but I feel this is so true. It is not the circumstances that matter it is how we re-act to them.

Bless you. jonathan.

[fuengirola1]

Truly thank you for your response. I'm having quite a bad day to-day. I'm supposed to be going away for the week-end and its brought on a great deal of anxiety, you'd think I would be glad of the break but its taking me out of my comfort zone of home but I'll do it.

[Hidden in reply to fuengirola1]

Hi. fuengirola. Good-on-yer. That's the spirit. GO in spite of "IT". "IT" would love you to lay down and not go out. "IT" thrives on defeat and despair. Don't let it. Go with the feelings there and ACCEPT them even though they threaten to pull you apart. They won't if you do it the right way. ANTICIPATION is a nightmare. (See ellebellas's blog of a few days ago about this). But when you actually get going it will not seem anywhere near as bad. Keep up the good work Love and blessings. jonathan.

[fuengirola1]

Thank you, feeling a bit better about it this afternoon.

[fuengirola1]

Had a bit of a wobble about going away this afternoon but my friend has told me that I can do this and I will, just wish I could get rid of the "nerves" thing. Anyone would think I was going for the week-end from hell, it'll probably be the best thing I've done in the past few months. I just feel that my flat is my "comfort zone" and dread not coming back to it to-night. I will go. Thank you Jonathon its thanks to you that I'm doing this.

[Hidden]

Hi. fuengirola. Please let us all know how you get on. Always here for you.. Love. jonathan.

[fuengirola1]

Hi Jonathon, Really enjoyed my week-end. Never had one panic attack the whole time. Just think it must be the fact that I was in company and not on my own, it was wonderful to get up in the morning and not start with that horrible panicky feeling. Back home now so hope it continues to-morrow. Thank you so much I'm so glad I went now, it just shows that I can do it.

[fuengirola1]

After a week without panic attacks I had a really bad one yesterday caused by the fact I was told that the practise nurse who had been very nice and understanding to me - had left quite suddenly. I went into a really bad attack which lasted for hours,I had to see the doctor instead but he was very nice and I don't feel to bad this morning, just disappointed as I thought I had "cracked" it. Does anywayever get over this thing?