Five years ago my health started declining both physically and mentally. Then a year later my marriage failed, I lost my wife my three wonderful kids, my friends and some family members as well as my home. I was forced into a mental health unit where I stayed for a month or so. Things got worse. I left the mh unit and spent six weeks on the streets over Xmas and new year 2015. I was sleeping in hedges and abandoned sheds. Drinking rain water and eating out of bins. I was 48.
I was paronoid over everyone and more so over the authorities. Police, ambulance, fire, all the NHS departments in fact all government departments. Four years later and I still feel the same, it's a nightmare. I'm lonely and very scared. I have lots of physical symptoms that scare the crap out of me. My head is a mess. When I seek help no one wants to know. When I was a young kid I did some truly awful things and hurt people I really do care about. Now all I get told is its karma for the hurt I inflicted on people. My own guilt is Turing me up inside and has done for many many years. I'm anemic in both iron and b12. I feel like crap because of the nerve pain and bone pain. I can't get my doctors to help me with the pains or to get the treatment I need to get healthy. I'm left to fend for myself. I thought my food and drink were being poisoned. I though our health service was just leaving me to die an agonising death. I am now so torn up with anxiety and guilt and grief I am looking for support. I want to beat this and survive. I've lost sight of what normal is. I've lost hope and faith. At a time I need family I have none. I'm tired weak in pain. And more over ashamed of myself.
Written by
buster_uk
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Be strong 💪 I have anxiety as well I don’t have a support symptom you will get better it’s a working process I also go through physical symptoms I’ve went too 3 emergency rooms they all telling me I’m healthy which I don’t understand how . I’m depressed miserable stressed unhappy scared in lonely and I stay overthinking everything you ARRE NOT ALONE IM HERE FOR YOU
Thank you. Both of you. If I had a time machine I would go back and put right what I did wrong. Not because of my pain but because of the pain I caused others. I need help. And to talk. I want to be healthy. But its not happening. I want to be the happy caring person I used to be. He's still inside me. Just lost. I want to be NORMAL.
Hello, there is a charity called Refettorio Felix that supplies daily meals, showers and washing machines. It’s based near Earls Court station. They also have a case worker who maybe able to help you with finding emergency accommodation? Maybe try to contact your family again. Take care
Hi I think we all would do that if we could - I know I would. But the fact is you can't and living with regret and pain from your past is stopping you moving on. It sounds like you have learned your lessons which we all have to do. Let go of the past as it's only causing you more harm.
Now you need to learn to move on and be the person you want to be again. Are you currently on any meds or having any counselling? And are you still living on the street? x
Not on any meds and luckily I do have accommodation. But I'm in so much pain and am very scared only time I get peace is when I am asleep. Which is only 3~4 hours a night. I have learnt my lessons very much so.
Thank you Scrumbler. I'm in desperate need of a friend. No one to talk too and all this going round in my head. I would never wish this on anyone. I must of cried an ocean of tears in the last 4 years.
With you saying you were forced into it I thought you had been sectioned and I only say that because you should have received after care an not ended up homeless. But you weren't so ....
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through.
Unfortunately I 'm not in a position to be able to offer anything helpful, and I don't mean to sound like I'm just spouting glib platitudes, but I wanted you to know that I, and I know everyone on this forum, will be sincerely wishing you well & hoping that things take an upward turn for you very soon. Don't lose heart, keep fighting & take any advice from the excellent people who contribute here. There is always a way to turn things around with the right help.
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