O.k so here goes..........
I'm a 26yr old mum of 2 (boy 3/girl5) and my anxiety/ibs & panic attacks have got that bad i can no longer get them to school, which is a 5min journey in a taxi or a 10min walk, i started using taxis to help my fear, but now even these have been impossible to get in to.
Looking back through my life i have always had some kind of social phobia and suffered serverly with ibs but in the past 18months it has just got completely out of control. I have had a stressful time recently but i don't think this is what has brought it on as i have been through far far worse.
I have been to the doctors now more times than i can remember or want to. I have been on citolpram which i was took of as it wasn't working, i am now on proponal which is helping with the breathing but nothing else. I have now been refereed for CBT through the NHS via a initial mental health assessment but i have no idea how long it will take, i really need to see a counsellor but i was told there is a 6-12mnth waiting list. I need help now but i don't have the money to pay for one,esp when I'm not making it into work.
My last servere attack was last week where i got in the cab with the children to drop them of at school and i had to get the taxi driver to pull over and let me go to the toilet 2 mins after we set off (for a 5 min trip) i spent at least ten minutes loosing the contents of my stomach which made them late for school,for the third time that week due to attacks, since then apart from one nights work i haven't left the house. At the moment my grandparents are getting up early and driving up here just to get the kids to school and pick them up.
I went to the doctors again and basically asked him to put me on something alot stronger that would make me numb so i could at least get the kids to school but he said he doesn't agree with pills,that you wouldn't dose up a child afraid of the bogey man and i need to learn to cope. I would like to see him go through what i am and me tell him to cope.
My work place is 5 mins walk away but still i can't get there half the time and when i do its in a taxi, i can't walk to the shop or bring my children to the park, it is ruining my life. I miss out on anything that involves going out, i recently missed a family wedding and couldn't go with my children to watch the fireworks.My ibs is so bad and sudden brought on by panic that there has been times where i havn't got to the toilet at all or i have had to find bushes.
I'm hoping someone here understands what i am going through i know it sounds completely mad, when i say it it sounds stupid but i really feel completely worn out from it all and i don't know what else to do.
I'm screaming on the inside but no one can hear me
I just feel like if this carries on i will loose my mind. I feel guilt for what i'm putting everyone through,i'm just on a downward spiral
i need help