Please Read. Please Help Me

[anxiousalexis]

I’ve been writing on this app for about 2 years. It started 2 years ago several months after turning 18. I drank caffeine and hours after that, I had panic attack bc i’m a hypochondriac and thought something was wrong. I was out of my xanax. So i went to my parents room and they called a nurse to see it we could pick up some xanax. While we were talking to the nurse, the nurse said “We need to talk to your daughter because she is 18 and we need to hear this from her.” My heart dropped and that just triggered a whole new fear I didn’t know I had. Literally before then, I was fine with growing up and being independent. At 17, I went through a bit of a rebellious stage. I wanted to move out and work. But I don’t know why when i heard those words that night, I wanted to hold on to being a child for a long time! After that night, my anxiety and depression was terrible. I was stuck in my parents bed for a couple of weeks. I didn’t want to do anything. I drowned in my thoughts and just couldnt find the energy. I went to therapy and upped my dosage of zoloft. I eventually got out of it and started feeling happy again. I still had the thoughts in the back of my head but I was able to dismiss them and move on. About a year later my dog of 14 years got sick. He was perfectly healthy and i found him outside having a seizure or something. I freaked out and rushed him to the vet. He was in critical condition but ended up being okay but not the same. We still dont know exactly what wad wrong with him but we just took care of him the best we can. He was slowly getting better but then started having actual seizures. He was sick for 7 months and 1 night just had a huge seizure and in the morning another seizure that wouldnt stop. So we took him to the vet and the best thing for him was to end his misery. I knew in my heart he couldnt live like that. He was so stubborn. That day plays in my head all the time. I lost my best friend. We were literally a package deal. I can’t see my life without him and it’s hard. I was depressed and didnt do anything for about 2 weeks. But i found myself some type of peace and moved forward. I accepted that the anxiety and hurt would be with me probably forever bc a part of me was missing. But recently this month everything is hitting me again. I dont want to grow up, I want my dog, and I’m just scared of life. I’m depressed and have major anxiety. I don’t want to live and get older but im scared of dying bc of the unknown. I feel trapped. I’m gonna turn 21 in March and ive been freaking out. I’m also freaking about the new year bc I keep seeing posts with “the decade is almost over, say goodbye to your childhood.” and that’s not helping me. I just want out of this mindset. I know I’m young. I know I’m not fully grown up but i just know that time is coming and time is moving fast and it’s scary. Ive already cried to my mom and she tells me she supports me no matter what but i can’t live like this. I don’t know what to do. Is this gonna be an all the time occurrence the older I get? I just want to find peace. I can’t find what makes me happy anymore so i know im depressed. Im just always freaking out over the past and future. I just never saw myself at this age. It seemed so far away. Before i know it, ill be 30. My parents will get older, i’ll eventually lose them and im terrified of that day. I try to tell myself to enjoy the present but the anxiety and depression overcomes me. Someone please reassure me and help me find peace and happiness. If you read this whole thing, I appreciate you and I hope im not the only one feeling like this.

[Amandasullivan12]

Aww alexis your still so young i feel so sad that you feel this way but i can tell you i used to fear the same thing when i was growing up but you worrying wont change the future or the past what evers ment for you will be for you.it wasnt untill i had my first child i stoped realy feeling like that but you dont want to get old and sit there and think i missed out on so much because i was afraid on what might of happened.i know its so hard to see any hope when your feeling so low but you will come out the other side x

[anxiousalexis in reply to Amandasullivan12]

thank you! i’m trying really hard to fight it. I want to enjoy myself now bc that’s all i can do. I still have a lot of life to live but sometimes the anxiety is stronger than me. I appreciate your kind words.

[L1994]

Hi. I was the same as you i feared the end of the world. It is so hard j have been dealing with all this scared something is wrong and that i am going to die and leave my little girl in this world for 4 years now. Let me tell you things do get easier altho it never actually goes away. I felt like my life was going alright untill I had a flare up a couple of months ago because we do worry us with anxiety. It finds ways of creaping up on you. I'm sorry to hear about your dog and yes it is hard I have all these same thoughts and dread that day my dogs life comes to a stop. I think the more you fear having another panic attack the worse it becomes. Private message me any time u want. My name is also Alexis 😂. You have taken a huge step just writing this post and opening up for help. You will get through this

[anxiousalexis in reply to L1994]

yay! another alexis. thank you for responding. im trying to get thru this. I know things get better. life is just a scary place right now. Im still learning and growing and ill figure out how to fight this we got this

[Amandasullivan12 in reply to anxiousalexis]

Yep you have got this just keep telling yourself that and one day boom youl be ok .

[L1994 in reply to anxiousalexis]

Yes you are still young and you have got your whole life ahead of you. Try think positive. Have you tried meditation. I found that worked in calming my self. Put some earphones in and listen to meditation music and breathing techniques. U feel so refreshed afterwards.

[Ironj]

Hello alwxisl99

I’ve been dealing with anxiety since I’ve been 18 years old. I’m now 48 , back 30 years ago Drs didn’t really understand what we go through. Today there are plenty of psychiatrist that Specialize with generalized anxiety and panic attacks.

My one recommendation I can offer is this. As I read about your anxiety I hear your not sure of what direction life will take you and that scared you. The what if’s that keep playing in your mind keep you in the cycle of being unsure of your future and you past anxiety is also pulling on you.

I would channel your thoughts on where you want to be in 5 years career wise. Focus on a positive path doing something you love to do , your dream job and don’t stop until you make it. Keeping your mind busy on that task will keep the anxiety away. Yes you may have set back but push even harder when those set back come knocking. I wish you the best and enjoy the moment unless your channeling your positive thought on your dream career. John

[anxiousalexis in reply to Ironj]

thank you. ive been feeling a lot better

[hypercat54]

Growing up and learning to take full responsibility for yourself can be very scary, but also exhilarating at the same time. There is tremendous freedom involved in captaining your own ship and it is essential to your growth as an individual.

Having said that, like everything else in life, there are ups and downs to it but living your life according to own lights and not other peoples is the only way to achieve balance and stability in your life. x

[ATareq]

hello. i KNOW it's hard but you can take charge of yourself. I'd a military post traumatic disorder that by Allaah I vercame. One tip is handy: carry your medicine with you but don't take it. delay it farther and tapper it down. You'll achieve two things: One, that you're in charge and not dependent on medicine, two, you'll feel good tappering down until you can do your chores withput meds. Whenever you find time walk and sweat, it helps a lot. Lastly, remeber no one could avoid death which is inevitable so nothing to be afraid of.

[Barbara54]

I understand your fears, Alexis, I think I went through something similar, although maybe not as strongly as you are. I'm 45 years old (46 in march) and honestly I'm not enjoying getting old that much. Like yourself, I never imagined reaching this age and even if I don't look my age and people keep telling me that I'm still young enough to change those things in my life that don't make me happy, the age thing gets at me. So, maybe I'm not the best person to dispense advice to you, but I just want to share with you what my therapist has said to me recently: the future (which I fear and am anxious about) is not written yet. We may see it in our minds in a certain way, mostly negatively, but that is just our own projection. The future doesn't have to be what you imagine it to be now. Anything and everything can change. In fact, you could be very different from the person you are now! As you grow older you go through experiences that will equip you with more and more tools to be able to face life's events, and you'll see some things differently.

I'm sorry if this post sounds a little wishy-washy, I just wanted to talk to you, because your post hit something inside of me. And I totally get the pet death situation as well as I experienced my 17-year old cat's death only a few months ago...

Wishing you all the best!

I wish I could be more helpful.

[anxiousalexis in reply to Barbara54]

i really appreciate this. really helped me find some relief. thank you, so sorry for your fur baby. we will be with them again and they are always with us.

[Barbara54 in reply to anxiousalexis]

True! They are always with us <3

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I had the opposite problem as a teenager. I couldn't wait to be 30. Because I believed when I was able to "run my own life," I could make it happy. And I did.

I'm 70 now, and can identify with your fears of the future.

The only suggestion I can make is try and live life a day at a time. It works better that way.

[anxiousalexis in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

that’s how i felt at first but yeah im learning to live in the present bc that’s the only thing we can change. thank you for the kind words

[56artist_]

No you are not the only one who feels the anxiety of change as we age even at 57 like me so we adjust young people such as you have a future ahead what will I do with my life scarey, at your age or even teens as senior yr approaches so hang on you will be fine just keep chin up and live let go of fear it is nothing but figment of mind and keeps you in bondage just live be happy

[anxiousalexis in reply to 56artist_]

thank you. i appreciate the kind words

[Chest1]

I’m sorry you’re going through such a bad time. Right now you invest all your time and energy exploring all these negative thoughts and feelings and remembering and examining bad things which have happened. I want you to feel better and so do you. How? Start by chatting to someone or focusing on something nice. Time yourself and only allow the nice thoughts or conversation to last for 3 mins. Regardless of how much you are enjoying the activity stop doing it. Then reflect on the positive feelings you had during that time. Only talk/think or do nice things. For example pat someone’s dog and ask how old it is, read a couple of pages of a nice story. Do that a couple more times the same day. Do that for a week in that order. Next Monday sit for five mins and make a list of things you like. Next day decide to do one of them. Keep up the pleasure times and increase the amount of time you allow yourself to do them. When you feel ready I’m thinking you might volunteer to help somewhere. Tell yourself that if you don’t have a few happy moments there you can try somewhere else and don’t have to go back. Keep reporting here on your progress. X

[anxiousalexis in reply to Chest1]

im really gonna try this. thank you for the advice

[Angel0123]

I sat here and read everything I’m 19 about to be 20 on the 30th of December the same symptoms your having “ scared to grow up wanting to be a child again “ is also me right now I be so scared but you will over come your fears !

[anxiousalexis in reply to Angel0123]

atleast i know there’s others going thru this. we’re gonna conquer this together. when our minds see there’s no danger. we’ll be okay. we’re both very young. we’re still kids with just a little more responsibility. that’s how im trying to see it

[Hidden]

Nothing last forever that's including me and you. I feel like your thoughts got you thinking to far ahead, I mean nothing wrong with that but for someone who suffers with anxiety it can take a toll on your mind...my advice I'll keep this short..dont fear death, dont fear losing anything and live for the moment..think of what your going to do today and plan a positive day for tomorrow but dont think to pass that...stay in the present..I'm sure things will get better.. its easier said then done but done easier when you make it possible....life is a journey not a destination so enjoy what you got now dont worry about tomorrow because it's never promised...and no this is not lyrics from Aerosmith or yes I think it is...but its inspirational....take it to the limit....

That might be from the eagles but you get my drift

[anxiousalexis in reply to Hidden]

hahahaha thank you. this made me feel better