First off thanks for reading this. Sometimes i feel my issues are so menial but in my perspective my worries are as proportional as the ocean.
I have been experiencing alot of anxiety and sleepless sleeps over my dog. I found 2 lumps, one on his hip one in his mouth they are 3 cm or less. Im getting then removed because hia mouth lump bleeds a bit and his side lump bugs him if it gets knicked. The vet has seen them and suspects its not cancerous but she cant be 100% sure. The lump on his hip has double maybe tripled in size since the fiest time i found it. So it is growing another reason i want to lop it off.
My dog has allergies to life, so his only health problem i know if is that he is just constantly itchy. So he basically healthy and only 6 years old approaching 7 years. So i knoq he will probably be fine under sedation but of course my anxiety doesnt allow for rational thought. Im seriously spiralling out of control and i feel like im going to just collapse when i drop him off to the vets cause i feel like he is going to die at any minute. It literally kills me.
Ive been crying for about 2 weeka and last night i didnt sleep i just cried the entire night and now im at work trying not to break down.
I didnt have a great childhood and bonded with my dog more than I did with my family.
When my last dog died i harbored alot of guilt for many reasons. My therapist said i was working with lots of trauma from my past. I just think if my dog died while going under this sedation i dont think i can live with my guilt. Im in a damed if u do and im damed if i dont situation. I hate it. My boyfriend of 5 in a half years is awkward to talk yo he just changes yhe subject he actually makes me feel crazy and even stuck in my own head. No one seems to understand where im coming from and i feel so alienated. I worked at vet clinics for 11 yeats and seen some shit go down, so i know a roitine procedure can turn into a complication and death. Im not to sure what to do out side of taking a hot bath and crying and waiting for his surgery to be over.
I know alot of people would just leave them lumps and i considered this but i dont want to leave them untill they get worse and more complicated to remove and in the back of my head i will be worrying it might be the big C.
My dog is literally one of my buggest support systems for my anxiety/panic attacks and depression. He gets me up, makes me go for walks and helps me focus on something more than myself and my mental health and feeling absolutely bat shit crazy. He doesnt judge me he literally is my BESTFRIEND. but what happens when my support system is under attack or under risk of not being there?
Im talking to my vet tomorrow again just so she can calm me down and run down what is going to happen. Did i mention i rescheduled this lump removal 4-5 times now ! I feel legit insane surrounded by normal sane people who are looking at me like a zoo animal.
Just dont know how to deal with this. Does anyone else have a support system that was risked how did u deal?