Me Myself and Dog

Hello,

First off thanks for reading this. Sometimes i feel my issues are so menial but in my perspective my worries are as proportional as the ocean.

I have been experiencing alot of anxiety and sleepless sleeps over my dog. I found 2 lumps, one on his hip one in his mouth they are 3 cm or less. Im getting then removed because hia mouth lump bleeds a bit and his side lump bugs him if it gets knicked. The vet has seen them and suspects its not cancerous but she cant be 100% sure. The lump on his hip has double maybe tripled in size since the fiest time i found it. So it is growing another reason i want to lop it off.

My dog has allergies to life, so his only health problem i know if is that he is just constantly itchy. So he basically healthy and only 6 years old approaching 7 years. So i knoq he will probably be fine under sedation but of course my anxiety doesnt allow for rational thought. Im seriously spiralling out of control and i feel like im going to just collapse when i drop him off to the vets cause i feel like he is going to die at any minute. It literally kills me.

Ive been crying for about 2 weeka and last night i didnt sleep i just cried the entire night and now im at work trying not to break down.

I didnt have a great childhood and bonded with my dog more than I did with my family.

When my last dog died i harbored alot of guilt for many reasons. My therapist said i was working with lots of trauma from my past. I just think if my dog died while going under this sedation i dont think i can live with my guilt. Im in a damed if u do and im damed if i dont situation. I hate it. My boyfriend of 5 in a half years is awkward to talk yo he just changes yhe subject he actually makes me feel crazy and even stuck in my own head. No one seems to understand where im coming from and i feel so alienated. I worked at vet clinics for 11 yeats and seen some shit go down, so i know a roitine procedure can turn into a complication and death. Im not to sure what to do out side of taking a hot bath and crying and waiting for his surgery to be over.

I know alot of people would just leave them lumps and i considered this but i dont want to leave them untill they get worse and more complicated to remove and in the back of my head i will be worrying it might be the big C.

My dog is literally one of my buggest support systems for my anxiety/panic attacks and depression. He gets me up, makes me go for walks and helps me focus on something more than myself and my mental health and feeling absolutely bat shit crazy. He doesnt judge me he literally is my BESTFRIEND. but what happens when my support system is under attack or under risk of not being there?

Im talking to my vet tomorrow again just so she can calm me down and run down what is going to happen. Did i mention i rescheduled this lump removal 4-5 times now ! I feel legit insane surrounded by normal sane people who are looking at me like a zoo animal.

Just dont know how to deal with this. Does anyone else have a support system that was risked how did u deal?

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7 Replies

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  • You are ok to be so upset. Your dog is your best friend! I just lost my 16 1/2 year old cat to kidney failure and have to admit I nearly lost what little I have of my mind. I've lost 3 cats in 4 years and they are like my children, so I totally get where you're coming from. You are doing the right thing to find out what is going on with that lump. I just thought my cat was getting old and didn't realize how he was suffering. But putting him to sleep was the most awful moment. I know now after a couple of weeks that I did the right thing, but it still is killing me. I'm NOT saying that your dog has anything serious, and probably doesn't, but knowing what is going on is crucial I think. This way if it is something serious, there are options, if you don't do it, there is only one option and that's not good. I believe your Vet will do what is best and will help you get through this. I am always here to talk, as I'm a pet lover and also have high anxiety and depression issues. I get what you are going through. I will be here if you need to talk and support you. I know you love your dog and it touches my heart to see the anguish it's causing you. It's wonderful to see a loving pet parent. There are so many people out there who just don't get the animal/human bond. To heck with those people, just love your sweet dog and let me know what happens OK???? Blessed Be........

  • thanks so much for your kind words. I really do appreciate it.

  • Dear Mom,

    Scooter was my service dog for 13 years. I trusted his vet. If you don't trust your vet, then find one you do asap. Your wonderful dog comes first when medical care is needed, not our anxieties or fear of losing our canine support.

    During the years Scooter was with me, he had a growth next to his heart. The vet did not know it was cancer but said it should be removed. Scooter had the surgery, it was not cancer and he can through the recovery like a champ. I hid my fear. I had to put Scooter first.

    A loose pit bull attacked Scooter in our own yard, and Scooter required surgery to reattach his skin. I thought I would die if the blood vessels had been damaged and surgery would not help. I would need to make the decision to let him die peacefully. Scooter came through it again like a champ. I hid my fear because Scooter came first.

    Several months ago Scooter couldn't catch his breath, he was in pain and could not continue our walk. He was diagnosed last November with congestive heart failure and told some dogs last a few months, others a few years. I followed the vet's instructions of change of diet and how to give Scooter his medication. Again for almost 8 months Scooter came through this like a champ. I hid my fear. Scooter came first.

    I reached down and hid my fear. Scooter came first. I had been told this would be one of the indications of the end of life from congestive heart failure. I carried Scooter home the best I could, hiding my fear and concentrated on not upsetting Scooter.

    He came first. I made the hardest decision of my life, but Scooter came first and I was not going to let him die in pain and not being able to breathe. This episode was a glance into how Scooter might die during a night when I was asleep.

    We went to the vets with my husband after Scooter had a chance to relax, breathe normally and jumped right into his car seat. At the vet's, Scooter laid across my lap and I rubbed his back which he loved, and I rubbed his ears. He was comfortable and happy and the vet helped him slowly go to sleep with a slow drip anesthesia. Scooter was so comfortable be actually snored a little as I kept my hand near his nose.

    I hid my anxiety because Scooter came first and deserved to end his life in comfort and not worry about me. He had given me so much. I always tried to put him first over my self- needs when he needed medical care.

    It will be a long time before I stop my tears in private. But I know now I did the right thing to focus on Scooter's needs rather than my fear of losing him anytime he needed medical or other care.

    So please put on your big girl clothes, focus on your wonderful dog's needs for this surgery and hide your fears. I found that if I focused on my dog's needs and that he deserved that, my anxiety and fear did not take over. And after your dog pulls through this like a champ, look into finding the medication to relieve his chronic allergy problems. He comes first.

    My very best wishes to you and your best friend.

    I really do understand, but for your best friend's sake, let him see you take him to the vet's calmly and with confidence so that he doesn't worry about you. In this situation, he must come first. He deserves it for all he has given you. I promise, regardless of the outcome of the surgery, you will never regret thinking about him first instead of your fear or anxiety. xoxo

  • Hello, thanks for your reply I understand where you are coming from but if this lump removal was a life or death situation 100% I would not hesitate to get the lumps removed. Hes been in for broken root canals etc. I had another dog who needed surgery to get stones removed in his bladder. My anxiety stems from choosing to do a elective surgery which is not absolutely needed. So Im stuck in the position of putting my dog under unnecessary risk over a couple of lumps that my vet thinks arent cancerous. Im also scared that they will be come bigger and more complicated to remove when he is older.

  • I understand and was not trying to complicate your situation. And I understand you're not comfortable no matter what you decide. The growth near my dog's heart was something I felt, like you did about the lumps on your buddy. My husband thought I was too concern, but just to be safe, I took Scooter to the vet. When the vet told me it would take surgery to determine if it was cancer or not, etc. I didn't know what to do either. I finally decided if it was cancer or something that might affect his heart later, I agreed to what could be considered elective surgery....I trust this vet, and it turned out not to be cancer, but a growth that would affect his heart. So my decision was luckily the right one.

    Has your vet given you any idea what the lumps MIGHT be so you had more information to help you make a decision?

  • Just thought about the first thing that should have come to mind.....can you afford to get a second opinion from another vet? DuhhhhI feel so stupid. That's what we do for our two legged friends when we are uncertain. Been thinking about you all day. Hard day for me as three people in doctors offices asked me where Scooter was. I teared up and just quietly said he was gone. Then I had to comfort them.

  • hi no harm in worrying about your dog.lets hope after the vets remove the lumps your dog can go on for many years to come healthy and lively.my current dog virtually saved my life 9 years ago always had a dog in my life.loyal and friendly.

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