Extereme anxiety, please guys help me

[scaredL7]

Hi guys

It's started around 5 months ago my mum talked about hiv. After that not so long my friend want to borrow my shoes and im so scared that she gives me hiv, she is sexually active and i searched in google shoes, dress can not transmit hiv. And i lend her my shoes. Not so long after my mum talked about hiv, i being bitten by homeless and not break, but i have wound around that bite 3-4cm distance and i saw my skin not breal because that bite i just saw saliva i dont see blood, but im really freak out tillnow. Actually i feel bad think he has hiv but i can not control my mind. After a week that happened i got rash and i searched in google that said i got pityriasis rosea, andbyrah i dont go to doctor.Aaround 4/5 week i got mild fever and sore throat last about 2 days. I always looking the symptoms and after 6/7 week i got lymph node in my tight armpit and painful last aboutb3 days and after a week the lymph node disappear i got lymph node again in the same plcae and last about 3 days also. I really freak out, my chest in pain, shorthness of breath, nausea and vomit (i always get this since long time ago), fatigue, restless, headache. And early i brave to tell my parents about this and this btoke my parents heart, but my mum said is not easy to catch. And i went to doctor about lumpnin my breast (i have this in 2014) and he told to surgery but i dont want because he only check it by hand and actually i wanted to tell about my symptoms but he was not really friendly, so yeah im not tellnhim. And after about 8 weeks untill that bite happened i got fever again but is about days and coughing about 2 weeks. And i also have back pain, muscle and joint pain, andnnow i feel blurry vision.i stilk have that rash . 3/4 days ago i felt ringing in my ear and i feel faint, and evrytime i checked about hiv symptoms makes me ctying alot, and like i stop breathing. I never have sex and injecting my self though. I feel so bad about myself, crying a lot, praying more than usual, scared if my parents, brothers, and sister touch me because i dont want spread my illness, i usually love going to kitchen but now im scared, scared of sharp objects, scared if my family wash my clothes and bed linens, scared if my family sleep in my bed, scared to play with my cat, scared to play with my baskeball bevause my dad and my brothers and his friend play with that ball yoo, scared to washing dishes, scared sharing food, like im scared about everything because i dont want to harm my family i love them with all of myheart. Iooking the symptoms makes me breakdown. Right now, im washing my hand alot because scared of any germs. Before i obsess over hiv, i was obsess my parents will die (actually have this since i was young they arr come and go), i dont want losing my parents, brothers and sister. And atound august last year i feel really depressed because im not accepted in my dream University. And around june i guess i felt bad about my appereance. Im so scared, i dont know what to do im still laughing but deep inside im scared, im scared harm comes to my family i always looking they're body a lot, .. since long time i always checking anlot (lamp, oven, door). And i was counting alot my number is 7, but sometimes 6, 4, 2,3 and 9 but right now im not really do that. I always feel need tontouch object mostly and people because if im not did that i feel like some bad thing wilk happen, i avoid watching news and newspaper, and if people told about scarybyhings i will be freak out, im scared with ambulance since i was in mid school. Im losing my weight 4kg now, i actually scared about hiv since i was 16 but im not really searching in Google and theybarr go away.. actually i love playing with kids they are likely homeless but now im so scared, i acted like everyone have hiv, im scared going to public toilet, my dream is work in unicef but now i scared to think about this, a lot my activities are scared to me to do. IM not scared having breast cancer but im scared habing hiv because i dont want to harm people especially my family. Im ridiculous, ineedhelp, should i have hiv test? Or should i go to mental health? I realky need help, im crying alot, thank you somuch guys ... and sorry for bad english

[clockfacejay]

I'm not sure what services are around your area but have a talk to your parents, tell them about the anxiety you feel (not about which diseases etc) and that you are having trouble coping and that you need to look around for a service in your area that will help you.

Does anyone else have any ideas?

[scaredL7 in reply to clockfacejay]

Im living in Indonesia, im actually confuse where should i go, im living innthe small city.. so hard for me to find right doctor i told my parents about my anxiety, and inwill go to check to ppsychologist and my mum told me im sure to fight my anxiety because it wwillmakes me even more bad .

[Hidden]

Hi. I am sorry to read that you are so distressed and upset. First thing is this - you cannot get HIV from wearing other people's shoes or clothes - it is not possible. To get HIV you need to have swapped body fluids- usually in a sexual way. You mentioned being bitten - there would be an extremely low risk of contracting HIV from a bite. And being homeless does not automatically mean someone is HIV+.

The real illness here is your anxiety. This illness will make you become paranoid about your health and make you believe that you have some really bad illness - even though it is highly unlikely that you do.

I am not sure where you live and what access you have to doctors and other medical people. But I would advise that you speak with your doctor and explain your feelings and worries. I am pretty sure that your doctor will understand what is going on and arrange an appropriate treatment plan for you. I hope you feel better soon.

Karl.

[scaredL7 in reply to Hidden]

Im living in Indonesia, im actually confuse where should i go, im living innthe small city.. so hard for me to find right doctor should i have hiv test? Or should go to psychologists?

Thank you so much for replying

[scaredL7]

I already tested and negative