Dont Know What To Do..

[teemarie]

Im starting to feel like I have no support system at home. My family is very very small (just my aunt and poppop due to deaths in the family over the past few years) and I really dont have friends like that. Alot of my "friends" stopped being there after I had my son which oh well fuck them their loss. My OH doesnt know shit about anxiety or depression. Even though he has had depression before you would think he would get it more. I feel like he hates me for it. My aunt thinks Im making something out of nothing. The only people I have constantly is my two kids. But they are very overwhelming. Two boys, always fighting, arguing, wanting my attention, needing me for something. I love them though but Im so overwhelmed. I feel alone and its depressing as hell.

[REDHEADLPN35]

I understand how you feel @teemarie I don't have a good support system either. My husband died six years ago and it's just me and my son. I don't have a lot of friends and I usually don't like to burden people with my problems but sometimes you just need another adult to talk to. It all gets a bit much at Times and we just want to give up but we have to keep going for our children and try to learn new ways to cope.Hope things get better for you .

[teemarie in reply to REDHEADLPN35]

Thank you so much! Exactly I try to not talk about it alot and I think that has caused more problems then good. It always helps to have a great support system and I hear about everyone having one. Thats why I turned to the support group. It just bothers me sometimes. Sometimes its as easy as a hug or a i love you or your doing a great job. Im sorry for your loss I could never imagine having to go threw that especially with no real support.

[Hidden]

Hello

Try not to feel everyone has a good support system because honestly they don't , my family is very small to and I now have lost both my parents as well as other relatives , but I know when we have anxiety we seem to focus in on what we feel we don't have but there are so many that are without but now you have found this community you will always have somewhere you can come and talk and be listened to and understood even if we don't always have the answers

Yes you would have thought that someone that had depression would understand but I have come to notice that friends , family can sometimes be very selfish and once they have got through bad times they forget and don't want to offer support , it is very hurtful but nothing much we can do , I just think well let's hope you don't need support again sometime because you may find no one is there for you !

Your boys they will be a handful and again when we are low it feels more so

Are they at School ? whenever they are either at School or gone out somewhere use some of that time for yoi , set some time aside and pamper yourself , do something you like even if it is read a book , watch a film , give yourself chance to wind down something that you seem to not have much time for

Not sure if you have been to the Doctors and told them how you are feeling but this is something I would do

Is there any Mother's clubs or anything round your way you could join , coffee mornings maybe ?

I know at the moment you may not feel like interacting but later this could be something you could look at and as I always say it is not always the amount of friends you have but the quality and I would rather have one good friend than loads of friends that you just pass the time of day with but when needed they run for the hills !

Hope you feel you have somewhere now where you can come even if on line but nether the less I hope you will see us as friends

Take Care x

[teemarie in reply to Hidden]

My oldest is in school and hes pretty good for me but my youngest (3) wont start school until September. He always wants to be in my face and follow me and isnt very independent. Unless he has his tablet doing drawing or watching Disney Junior. I try to make sure to do something special with each of my kids but they can be pretty overwhelming at times. My oldest has ADHD so his medicine wears off later at night and he wants to be all over the place. Recently I just been letting them sleep in bed with me so I can get some kind of sleep. I have an appointment scheduled with a Holistic Psychiatrist (Im not entirely sure what that even is) on the 22nd but that seems so far away. I do go to CBT each week and that seems to help a bit. I need to really make time for myself but I honestly feel so selfish doing that. If I spend money on myself I automatically feel bad that it should be spent on the kids or towards a bill. I dont really have many hobbies except reading and writing which I have def slacked on the past couple of months. I was thinking about taking up gardening maybe now that the weather here is finally decent (we had a month of rain). I dont think there are any mom groups that I know of. I have a hard time interacting with people Im not sure why. I know that my kids need to have friends and I always push them to try to make friends but the people in our neighborhood are very snobbish. It just helps alot to know that there are other people that are in the same situation. And I know that there are alot less fortunate people then I am and alot worse off then just the anxiety/depression. I always try to see the broad end of the spectrum but when Im going through my "bad weeks" it always seems like I have it the worse. Which is completely not true I know.

[Hidden in reply to teemarie]

Hello

Reading your reply I so feel for you

My Children are all adults now and apart from my youngest Son at 22 the other two have left home and one even has her own Daughter but when I was younger I had the two eldest and was in a marriage where he would not meet half way and understand my anxiety , he would tell me I was weak and of course we already feel we are rubbish so someone that you feel should love and support you giving you put downs just fed every part of my anxiety , made me feel useless as well as every decision I made he was already along with other family members ready to put me down and if not then I would put myself down !

When the two eldest were young I felt I could not cope along side my anxiety and would give in to everything they wanted , part of me did this because for one I wanted them to love me , I wanted an easy life and like you they would be quiet when I gave them what they wanted and to be honest I was always so unsure if I did try to discipline them if I was doing the right thing ?

But what happened was I made it so much worse because they more I gave the more they wanted and then one day when I sort of broke down and a older women came to my rescue shall we say , said to love your kids is not to give in to them but give them boundaries and you will gain respect from them as well

I thought well my way is not working so that seemed to ring a bell with me and I started doing just that , at first it was hard work and I wanted to give in so many times because they would play up twice as much but the moment they knew I was not budging they started to adapt and it even freed time up for us to enjoy together and the oldest eventually said to me which I could not believe that she was happy she had a Mum like everyone else had now , when I questioned her what she meant she said well you don't let us get away with everything now like you used to and it is better and over the years I have realized that kids do need and deep down want boundaries it actually can make them feel secure but you could do with the support of your OH which from what you are saying you might not get , but maybe when you feel stronger and you will you can slowly start putting a few boundaries down for them and get back in a routine

I did eventually have a divorce from their Dad and went on to marry again which I have been 23 years and we had a son and I started with those Boundaries right from the start and he has not been a spot of bother and he is such a good lad as well as having so much respect for me so for me it worked

I also know what you mean living in an area where you feel they are snobs , I once lived somewhere where on a Sunday they would all be out with their marigold gloves on cleaning their garage doors

I mean I would clean my windows but the garage doors to me was pushing it and I would watch them and think I cannot live here , I am not one for keeping up with the " Jone's " as we say so I moved

Now people just clean their windows where I live , but having said that maybe because none of us have a garage

But again I was also like you everything for the kids and the guilt if I got myself anything , but why ?

Yes kids need to be fed , clothed but surely we can spare a few quid now and again and get ourselves maybe a new bubble bath , new top , book ? why should we feel guilty , maybe lack of self worth and this could be a start treating yourself now and again trying to gain back that self worth that you are worth it because you are

Gardening sounds a great idea ! I think you should take that up , you can get a lot of satisfaction as well as pride from gardening and a few seeds here and there could be a way of treating yourself and you can get them cheap

I am pleased you are getting cbt , I know the 22nd seems forever but it will soon be here , try and stay in the day and not think to far ahead , tell yourself when you get up , all I have to do is deal with today because when you look at it we do !

I have gone on a little bit here but wanted to let you know we do know what you are going through but there will be light at the end of the tunnel even though we have to be patient x

[Alan_98]

I'm sorry to hear about you're going through, hopefully it will get better and we're all here for you okay 😊 may God bless you and hang in there and try your best to stay positive okay

[teemarie in reply to Alan_98]

Thank you so much Im trying my best.

[Alan_98]

Anytime 😊 and trying your best should be enough, we're all here for more support

[teemarie in reply to Alan_98]

I need to just not be so hard on myself. Thats something I can work on in therapy I guess.

[Alan_98 in reply to teemarie]

Hey its okay, just give it your all and you'll get there you know it's just a process and journey 😊