why are people so ignorant or is it just me

Ive been feeling down these past few weeks, and im on week 9 of takin fluoxetine 20mg for anxiety and panic, which has subsided but lm now feeling a bit depressed. My b/f came home from work tonight asking me if ive done tea, which i hadnt because i really cant face cooking or even feeding myself to be honest, also, he said he went to his bros and they ave invited us to go out with them over xmas, i told him i wont be up to it and there was nothing stopping him from going out with them as i know i wont be ready to go out socialising yet. Well he seemed really peeved off with me and sort of said, 'well we need to get out over the christmas, and he doesnt know what to do to help'. Is it me being depressed and miserable or is he being a bit selfish? I feel as if im being pushed into something i really dont want to do, and i know i wont be ready to socialise as yet because i feel as if over the weeks ive had a mental breakdown or some sort of breakdown because of the way ive been, i e going the drs and breaking down crying in front of her a few times and just feeling down which my dr said the anxiety and panic has brought of depression, hence me going on fluoxetine. Anyway, i think i might be pushing him away, i fear he is getting fed up of the way i am, because i dont have his tea on the table when he comes in or i dont want to go out socialising. I am in a terrible rut. And on top of all my other problems, my dog, who is 11 now and ive had since she was a baby, can hardly walk because the cold has hit her back legs and she's in a bad way that i have got to take her the vet when i can get an appointment. Iv bought her a coat to keep the cold off her and put her bed by the radiator (not too close), i just feel so sorry for her, it just feels as if ive got the world on my shoulders at the moment and i just feel like going away until i feel strong enough to deal with all of this.

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  • I get the same way and get really frustrated with people when they dont understand and seem to act ignorant towards my feelings. Sometimes though i do think i must be hard to put up with and you might be the same, being depressed isnt easy and i dont know about you but when i get down i want to avoid human contact as much as possible and find it an effort to get out the house. This can be hard for people around me because its not nice to see someone you love in that state. I think as much as people have to be understanding with us we have to be with them too and realise that they dont understand how it feels so it will seem like we are being petty and boring etc.. I dont think ive helped much but sometimes it helps talking to someone who gets it. Hope you feel better xx

  • linny, the trouble is people dont understand unless they have had the same horrid feelings. its a difficult one, because of the time of year your fella just wants to take you out, yet, i understand you are not feeling up to it, can you try and explain to him how you are feeling, try to get him to think of a time when he felt extremly anxious, like just before an operation or something, then say right now put those feelings in totally the wrong places, and your in the right ball park. you must think of you at some point, what is going to make you feel better is what you should do, thats what ive decided this year, and its already pi**ed family off. cant run away linny your troubles will just follow you, good luck linny i hope you feel better very soon, ps also feel for your doggy i love my two so very much, i lost one of my gsd's last year and it hurt so much it was like lossing a dear friend rip benny boy VV x

  • Yeah my dog Elsa is a gsd, i took her the vet the other day and they said the cold has got to her back legs and gave me some painkillers for her, but today, she's worse, she only ate a little bit of breakfast, im gutted, dont like seeing her in pain and hardly walking, so im gonna ave to take her back the vet and probably expect the worse prognosis unless they can give her some stronger painkillers, but somehow i doubt that.

    Yeah my fella just wants to take me out and doesnt know what to do to help me. I told him yesterday by making me feel guilty is not helping and making my depression worse so it would be best to have a bit of patience and let myself get ME better. He knows how im feeling and he also knows ive got a bad itchy anxiety related rash, so of course im going to feel like crap, plus everything else going on in my life atm, how he expects me to go out and socialise and be the life and soul is beyond me, id just be sitting there on planet zog scratching my rash and hating everything, fine company id be that night. So nooo i think il give it a miss until im a lot better.

  • Hi. linny. So sorry about your dog. My wife and I have been there and we know how you feel. 11 is a good age for a dog and it means you have looked after her well. Your anxiety will make you feel bad about everything and this is normal. When we are anxious all the little things get blown up out of all proportion and every effort required even to just live seems like a mountain to climb. It may be sad to say this but if you expect people who don't suffer to understand you are in for a long wait. Now some do, and if we meet someone like this then we should do our best not to frighten them away. It is most important that you are not 'pushed into something you do not want to do'.

    At the same time we have to move forward into some sort of normal living and this is where we get confused. Trying to please all the people all the time is impossible, so don't try. Also you cannot MAKE anyone understand. If they don't then you can only do your best to reason with them. And don't blame them. It is not their fault. Would you have understood when you were well?

    I know I would not have done so. Christmas can be a difficult time for families. The EXPECTATION of how we should behave clashes with how we feel and it can be a time of frustration and guilt. Guilt because we can't behave as we think we should. Cannot cook the wonderful meal we think we should. Guilt is one of the worse symptoms of nervous illness and has to be dealt with. It is NOT your fault you are as you are. Stress and circumstances have caused this and you are NOT to blame. What to do? This is a combination of your feeling depressed and your boyfriend being selfish because he cannot understand. You can only ACCEPT the situation as it is at the moment and look for a little more understanding in the future. Please don't try and push your boyfriend into understanding! This can only make things worse. Everything passes and all will be well but you will not see this at the moment. Keep coming back to us if you feel the need. We are all behind you. Goo luck. jonathan.

  • awww Johnathan, u ave hit the nail on the head there, GUILT is always how i feel, which makes my anxiety and depression worse. I can understand my fellas frustrations because i used to be happy, but i think there is only so much one person can take before the mind shuts down, and that was me a few weeks ago, i just could not cope with the anxiety and panic attacks anymore, it got so bad it stopped me from eating and i went down from a healthy size 12 to a size 6, everyone was worried about how much weight id lost, which made my anxious state worse that one day i had a melt down, couldnt stop crying and felt i was living in a fish bowl, i cant describe the feelings, but i just felt strange, so i had to go on prozac, which made the anxiety worse, that i lost my job which i loved, and then the depression and feelings of failure and heavy guilt set in, and this is me now, depressed, miserable, guilty, low self esteem, cant be bothered doing anything, hate myself really badly for being a massive failure and letting my illness destroy me. Im pushing everyone away by not speaking to anyone and just hiding myself away from anyone, mainly because i feel like a burden and i dont want people to see me looking so bad and miserable. Im just in a horrible place at the moment, and i dont like being like this. Some days are good, some are bad, really bad. Maybe my meds need reviewing, i dont know, but ive got an app later so il find out.

    Thanks for your reply Johnathan, have you ever thought of going into counselling because you would be very good at it. x

  • Hi. linny. Yes, been there, done it. Now KEEP OFF those scales. Weight loss is normal in nervous illness although a few do put it on. By continually checking your weight you can frighten yourself. Every single thing you have said so far are symptoms of anxiety/depletion. Most of us have been there and come through. You notice I say 'depletion' because that is what it is. You have 'depleted' your batteries with all the anxiety and fear. Batteries do recharge but it takes time. Ask any motor mechanic! You WILL recharge and you WILL recover. There is always hope and never forget that irrespective of what others say. The old 'yoyo' effect in nervous illness is also common. Up one day, down the next. It will level out, believe me. Look after yourself. Give a little time to YOU. You deserve it. Love. jonathan.

  • That is just how it feels like, batteries running low. Its the horrible guilt that is getting to me so badly, guilty because i feel im making everyone feel miserable and its xmas in 2 weeks and ive not put my tree or deccies up, i just cba (tree is still sitting in the box in the corner of the living room). I look at it and feel terrible guilt, and just think to myself, 'Why is always ME that has to do it, why cant someone else just take over just for one year', then i look around the street at houses lit up so much you can see the house from space, and its the fellas that have done it, id love to see my house lit up so much you can see it from space and my fella has done it. Instead, ive got a fella who hasnt got much xmas spirit, ebineezer scrooge is a saint compared to him for his xmas spirit maybe over the years it has rubbed off on me :/. I used to love xmas, but these days i just cant see the point.

    As for weighing myself, i really dont, its when my jeans start falling off me and i have to buy more clothes because my once tight t shirt looks like a frock on me these days and my cheek bones protrude out of my face. Ive just got no appetite atm, hopefully il start feeling better soon.

    Your words of wisdom have cheered me up slightly, thank you.

    Lin x

  • HI linny, you need to really sit and chat to your bf and expalin just how bad thngs really are for you and if you find it hard to put into words then write it down. give yourself time to heal, it all sound a little too fresh to be forcing yourself to do things you feel you really are no ready for. my bf gets like that some times, for example he likes us to do the food shopping together but i dont always feel up to going into a busy supermarket and sometimes he does get the hump but its just tuff im affraid, my moto is well if you cant show me some compassion when im in need then theres no hope......as for your old doggie go on to the orvis website and buy him a heat pad that will really help, you can also go into holland and barrett and get him something in there also. take care xxxxxxxx

  • Thanks for your reply, im the same when it comes to shopping lately, i just feel i really need a break from everything and everyone. If i could afford to, id go stay in a hotel on my own for a week or two, ive even comtemplated putting myself in a hospital, but the thought of it scares me in case they section me and id never get out. My dr said to me the other week to take a break from my family and have a rest, but i really cant, i wouldnt know where to go.

  • i know what you mean, id love to get away but i cant offord it and id have nowhere to go. im also on fluoxatine and have been for two years. what area are you in? im in essex. x

  • Im in Liverpool x

  • Hi Linny

    Don't know whether this will help, but Mind has lots of information for friends/relatives of people with MH issues - most of it free to read on the web or download. Don't know if your bf would look at it, you could print some off and give them to him, might help him understand how you're feeling? Go to:-

    mind.org.uk/shop/booklets

    Love

    Rose

    xxx

  • Thanks for your reply, il get him to read through it, ive not got a printer but il show him the website.

    Lin x

  • Good luck, hun! xxxxx

  • I was a people pleaser and thought to put myself first was selfish until someone told me that i should put myself first (my health) as if I was not well then I was no use to those around me!!! made me think!..............look after you.....x

  • Hi Linny

    sorry to hear you are feeling so crappy. My OH is suffering from anxiety. Its hard on both sides. We try to be patient, but then sometimes (ok most of the time) feel like banging our heads against a brick wall.

    You have said some things on here that are so much like my partner. He wants to be on his own. We dont live together, Sometimes i think its a godsend. He goes to work and then sleeps when he gets home. I havent seen him going on 10 weeks, even though we talk mostly everyday, unless he does cut himself off.

    Speak to your partner how you feel. I know i have to give my partner the space he needs to make steps forward. Its hard i aint gona lie. I do feel like giving up, but like i keep saying you dont walk away from someone with cancer, why with someone with anxiety. Explain you need the space to start feeling better. Its not going to do you any good if you are forced to do something you dont want to. Sometimes i think i will just turn up and say "right come on" but i know deep down thats not gona work. Be honest about the anxiety. Dont feel guilty if you dont want to go out. Think about yourself. Try and get him to see it from your side, no we will never get it completely. This is why i love this site. Its helped me so much, get a insight on it all.

    Big hugs and love

    Lou xx

  • I have my down days where I go to the doctors and burst into tears. I think mine was some sort of nervous breakdown but since I've been on my meds I've not been too bad. I'm certainly not cured...far from it, but its took a big weight off my shoulders xx

  • Hi, its really hard to get some perspective when u feel down. I find it very difficult deciding if Im being selfish or my partner is being selfish. I had the opposite problem over Christmas. I wanted to go out and take my mind off of my anxiety but my partner wanted to stay in, which was very boring because there was nothing to do and nothing on TV. When I said to him I would go out by myself, he said OK, which annoyed me because Christmas is supposed to be a time to spend together. I felt rejected. I think your boyfriend should be a bit more understanding of your illness. Does he understand it? If not then tell him that you need him to understand it. Maybe he can read up on it. He needs to know that its not you just being awkward and boring, its a real feeling. I do, however, agree with him that you need to get out. Perhaps not to a party but a walk by the river or some gentle exercise helps. Its worth noting that motivation only comes AFTER you have done something about things. It doesn't work when you say "I don't feel like it today. I will wait until I have the motivation to do it". Its actually the other way around. Its extremely difficult but if you can go out for a gentle walk, for example, you will feel better and THEN you will feel more motivated. I hope that makes sense. Good luck x

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