When I read the posts on here i realize that I'm not alone, but every day I feel hopeless. I want to feel better but an energy sits in my solar plexus or moves to my throat or my legs. I go to work and interact with people all day, but I'm stuck inside my head and the feeling is of such hopelessness and despair. At the beginning of december I freaked that a pain in my neck was breast cancer metastisis and then I went into DP/DR which I have on and off over the years. It usually comes for about 4-5 months and eventually fades away. My main worry is death. Not that I'm going to die now, but some day. It takes over every thought and moment and even though I'm doing other things it's always there. This time however, it came with much more crazy existential thoughts than normal and the DP/DR wasn't so strong but the anxiety, with agitation was terrible. It got to the point where I couldn't sit still, I paced and couldn't sleep. I felt like vomiting every morning. I couldn't eat. All that has calmed down, I can work now but I have this fear still of dying, or the fear of the fear? And it just takes over my life, it makes me feel hopeless and disconnected from the normal rhythmns of life it that makes sense. It try to do things to help get into life, like working but I don't feel like socializing, everything is a chore to do, but nothing seems to help. I just
want to curl up and disappear. I'm so sad every day. I cry. I just want it to end. It's been nearly 8 months now. I feel this disparate feeling every day. I'm going back to see my psychiatrist on thursday and maybe he can change my meds. I've been on Escitalopram since March. It feels like nothing will change and talking to a therapist doesn't seem to help. It all seems so pointless. I have a great family, husband who is super supportive and 3 grown kids who are great. I know in my heart that this life is worth living but I just don't know how to feel it anymore.