Feeling so hopeless again

[Moomstonemama]

Every day starts the same. I feel anxious of death, disconnected from life and I just feel hopeless. I cry every day. I've just started a new meds. Wellbutrin . I take this along with escitalopram that I've been on since March, because the doctor thinks i'm depressed. I have no enjoyment in life and just feel like I want it to end. I want to run away, but I can't run from myself. I feel like I'm bringing people down around me, and I know I'm worrying my aging parents and my husband who is a rock has to listen to me cry every day. I'm having CBT but I don't feel like it works. I can't get a grip with how life should feel and there's a certain amount of loss of self so it's hard to use the tools they give me, or hard to apply it or something. I feel lost in existence and hopeless. I can't find the person I used to be and that makes me so so sad. I have a trip booked for next week, but I don't want to go. It all seems such a waste of time. Life seems so pointless. We live, we die. Why bother? I know that I loved life before, and I have friends and family who love me and somewhere I can remember that they love me and me them, but because I can't feel it, it just feels like even that isn't reason enough to exist. I have suffered from dp/dr and existential thoughts and now inner tension all the time. Sometimes writing here helps.

[rd1208]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I too have felt so hopeless these last few months. It begin with an intense fear of dying and life after death. I started having panic attacks and losing hair and weight eventually. Then out of the blue I started have voices come into my head saying I wasn't gonna live as long as I think I am, among other thoughts every single day saying today is your last day ext. I just wanna have peace in my heart and be right with God so I don't have to worry about it but I still worry everyday that it was God telling me all these things

[Moomstonemama in reply to rd1208]

I know what you mean. Inner peace is the whole problem. So much fear! In the beginning I was also very ill with weight loss because I couldn't eat lack of sleep agitation and crazy thoughts about the meaning of life. Sometimes even moving my arm was too much effort. Now I can function well on the world but a cloud hangs over me and a feeling that I'm lost on existence. Sounds crazy but the feeling is ever present. I hope you are working towards recovery too. It's a long hard road.

[Agora1]

Moomstonemama, Some things we have no control over, death is one of them and so you need to take that off the table. It will happen when it happens and all the worry in the world won't change that. I'm glad you understand that you can't run from anxiety because it is with you always. CBT takes work and effort and patience. You have to believe something will work and allow yourself to go forward. Your anxiety is so overwhelming right now that it is dragging you down into a deep hole of despair. The medications should eventually help. It will be a life rope that you will grab onto and climb out of this hole.

Life is not pointless. We are born into this world and we die one day. But it's the in between in life that makes it worthwhile. You are blessed in having those who love you all around you. Keep the feelings of love for them alive whether you can feel it or not at this time. Medications sometimes can give that unemotional feeling. It's a way to have you escape your own thoughts for a while and search for other ways to accept and overcome anxiety. Don't be afraid or depressed in how you feel, it will not be forever. Continue with therapy while on medication. Put your efforts/energy into feeling better. Find reasons to exist. They are there believe me. When we are emotional sick we may not see them as clearly but they are there.

Give the medications time to work. Exercise, eat well, meditate, deep breathe, listen to positive affirmations on YouTube and most of all accept. Accept that this too will pass and you will become YOU once more. Believe Moomstonemama . You've got this x

[Moomstonemama in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much agora1. You're absolutely right. It's dragged me down deep and I can't see a way out. I really appreciate your thoughtful and thorough reply. I just have to keep pushing through.

[Agora1 in reply to Moomstonemama]

Moomstonemama, this forum will help support you with others truly understanding and going through the same anxiety issues. Keep strong and keep coming back. We are all here beside you x

[E--- in reply to Agora1]

Fantastic advice Agora1 xx

Moonstonemama I do truly hope you have some time to read through the words written from others on this forum and find some kind of relief knowing you are not alone with the terrible symptoms of Anxiety - we are equally pouring our hearts out to each other knowing that we Do understand what each other are going through - I can't speak for you but can honestly say I can relate to everyone on here and find peace of mind knowing that you all care - it's not hard to say our thoughts and feelings when we have someone to support us by way of giving advice and sharing their own struggles and saying how they overcome their pain etc with no one judging anyone. Great bunch of people on here and I totally trust each one - what better a start can anyone hope for than knowing we are being heard and understood.

Take care 🌹

Elle

[HopingCat]

Sorry this hell is happening to you. But trust me when I tell you that these symptoms will start fading. When dp/dr first started for me 5 months ago, I had all your symptoms plus more. It was horrific. Horrific is an understatement. But eventually symptoms started fading. Some are not completely gone but I'm coping a bit better. I always say that I feel like a functioning crazy person. Today I saw my holistic doctor to go over my neurotransmitters results. Everything is out of wack. I'm hoping the supplements she gave me will work and snap me back to reality. If it doesn't then I have no over choice than to get on some medication.

[Moomstonemama in reply to HopingCat]

Hoping cat. So glad things are improving for you. I'm visiting my family in the uk in September and hoping the change in pace and love will spur me on. I feel like I've improved slot since March but feel stuck now. And of course the fear is that I won't ever be able to get out of the hole. Thank you so much for your encouragement. It is so much appreciated.

[littlemissworry]

Take care of yourself, I hear you and I'm pushing through, please keep fighting to. It's so easy to say but I just think to myself this is not how I want to be remembered if the worst was ever to happen whenever it happens. I want to make a change and make people happy, even if I have to force myself to be happy. Your family and friends love you, and we have to try just as hard as them to fight the feelings xx

[Moomstonemama in reply to littlemissworry]

Thank you so much. I just feel lost in a haze of anxiety and depression. I'm so fed up with feeling this way. My psych told me that I have to accept where I am at this time, and life will improve. At the moment I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's a very long tunnel so far thank you for your support.

[Agora1 in reply to Moomstonemama]

Moomstonemama, the tunnel may be longer for some but you eventually will see the light. It's just a bump in the road and you know that some roads can be bumpier than others (at least in Chicago

As you learn to accept the feelings and symptoms as nothing harmful, they will tend to diminish or go away completely. Life is about ups and downs and we have to prepare ourselves for the good and the bad. It will make you a stronger person in the long run.

Patience and the fortitude to go forward is important in reaching your goal. Sometimes along the way we get stuck, it happens. It's usually fear allowing this to happen. The more we fear, the more we feel paralyzed in moving forward.

That's when we reach out to the forum, to others who have or are going through the same thing. Reading Dr Claire Weekes book on Hope & Help for your Nerves will better explain the struggle you are going through right now and how Acceptance of Anxiety is an important part of the healing process. x