New diagnosis/revelation and need help

[46reasons2b]

I'm a 34 year old woman who had apparently lived with social anxiety, depression and many other things with out a real diagnosis until recently.

I've known for a long time with my background and so on that I needed help. But admitting that especially with the opportunities I have been afforded has been the hardest thing to do. As well as trusting people enough to admit I need help and what I need help with.

I'm sure most of you can understand the stigma that still exists out there in regards to mental health. For some admitting they have a mental health issue and need assistance feels like admitting lunacy and that suddenly you will no longer be taken seriously or respected. This can extended from workplace to closest relationships. Until you do find people like minded who understand that suffering from mental health issues, while occasionally debilitating, does not encompass all that one person is or can offer.

Sorry for the rant, it's been a long week.

I'm writing this today to ask for any help others may be able to offer.

I am finally understanding some of the roots of many actions in my life. This includes pin pointing that I suffer from social anxiety which keeps me home bound on occasion. In addition to this discovery I've also found several health issues on and off that I've been attempting to address. I'm

Sure anyone in a similar state can understand his can be a slow process as your anxiety can cause cancelled appointments and rescheduling and so on.

This can also translate touch missed time at work where there may not be a "remote work" option.

I'm finding myself employed with a great employer. Great benefits. I like my job for the most part and do not want to lose it! But our attendance policy is in place for a reason and my absences have me in a precarious position. While I have proven to be an asset and worth fighting for there is only so much my manager can do for me with out having something like FMLA approve my time out.

I'm a novice at dealing with FMLA and despite my very real issues have already been denied my first request. I'm already dealing with anxiety and severe depression and have been just feeling like giving up.

I have a solution in mind and have tried to bring it up to my manager, of being able to do remote work - as needed. This idea has been denied based on the position of management for some reason, even though our job is probably the most remote-worthy job ever created. And now we have contractors that help us cover 24/7 and they are technically employed by a recruiting company that provides the contractors to us...they are allowed to work from home as they wish. Although the original reason was safety in their country, which was understandable, they use it when sick and get to work from home, if it's raining, or whenever. But the company line is that they are employed by the recruiting company and not ours so our managers have no control over them allowing the contractors to do that.

While I understand this is not something that can be changed, it only adds to my anxiety and frustration that I feel a legitimate need for that arrangement and it will not be extended. And knowing people have cheated the system to get out of the office just for a day off without getting "point" against them...yet here mine are added up. Not t mention I just found out even though I'm the "best on the team" my bonus last year was a fraction of the other 3 on my team. I can only guess it's only bc of the attendance warning which was hinted at. But I had no idea until recently how much difference it was. All of this, knowing, had remote work been an option...none of this would have likely ever been an issue. 🤦‍♀️

I found out from a therapist that I could have them write up a request for me getting the remote work ability as a reasonable disability request. However, out of respect for my manager I wanted to speak to her first. Especially because at the time out dept was going through a lot of changes and making a "demand" seemed like a bad idea. So I tried to hold out and be ok, make sure my points and days out remained low if I could. But I couldn't...so I tried to talk to my manager and of course got the company line I mentioned above. In the mean time I've been out of the office for both migraines and my anxiety and can feel my head on the chopping block.

I wish I had an advocate that I could tell all of this too and they would help get all of the FMLA people off my back and cleared up. I feel like I'm fighting too many battles all on my own and I can't lose my job. I'm single and can't survive without income. I cannot start over...AGAIN!

I feel like I have so much to offer, I can be helpful and smart and and great asset to a company. But I can't always sit in a cubicle surrounded by a hundred people. Some days I can and I can even train a class of people. But some days it would be better for myself and the company and my team if I could just work from home. Which in my job would still allow me to do 100% of my job function.

I'm so frustrated and worried about what is to come.

Again, sorry for just laying all out there. I hope it makes sense and isn't just gibberish. And thank you, for anyone who had the patience to read this far. Lol

Sincerely,

Tired