I need advice on this.

[Thissucks562]

My husband goes out of town for work at least 1x a month for 5-7 days at a time. This is not a trust issue. I get really horrible debilitating anxiety when he's gone. Some trips I'm ok but some of them (the longer ones, farther ones) are worse. I just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant! I am happy and excited but it's making my anxiety worse!!!! Is it bad that I want him to get a different job that doesnt travel (he likes that part, just not the lengths sometimes). My friend said his job is not the problem, that I am, my anxiety is, that I shouldn't push for him to get a new job that I need to get help. (Obviously I agree on the help part but I have no insurance at this time). Is it i reasonable or selfish for me to want him to get a different job because of my anxiety? Thanks.

[BlueSky125]

its reasonable for you to want him to get a different job but it doesn't do any to solve the underlying problems you are experiencing. There are many resources available without see a therapist. there are many books and online resources relating to methods like cbt or dbt that you could work thru on your own.

[Viamar204B]

Your husband might change his job to please you but you could then suffer anxiety over another issue. Best to get help with your anxiety now.

[fib4]

you say you have no insurance is this because your husbands job doesn't offer any?

[Charlenecas in reply to fib4]

I was thinking the same thing. It is a task to endure staying by yourself for such a long period of time due to a work issue, and on top of it not have insurance. And then being pregnant. If the job doesn't offer insurance then since your husband works a a full-time job, you both deserve at least marketplace insurance, so at least you are covered.

[Thissucks562 in reply to fib4]

His job does not offer insurance

[marsbarr]

Thissucks good morning. First congrats on your pregnancy. It is NOT unusual for a person to get anxious when their spouse is away. I mean it's not for a couple of hours, it's for days. You wanting him to get another job. What is wrong with that? How does he feel? If he likes his job and don't want to look for another job will probably give you more anxiety. My suggestion to you would be to try and relax and enjoy the days leading up to your baby's birth. Focus on you and the hugs and kisses when he returns and during those days when he is away, remember you have plenty of company right here that you can reach out to at any time. And don't let anyone tell you that you are a problem. You have anxiety, you are not anxiety.

Rub your stomach and smile and be thankful for the blessing that is growing inside of you.

[Thissucks562 in reply to marsbarr]

If I could like your comment multiple time I would. Thank you, you made me feel that i am not an issue but i do have an issue and i never saw it like that. Thanks for that!!!

[marsbarr in reply to Thissucks562]

You are so very welcome

[Michalbaner]

I am going to say something that sounds a bit nasty but you should not expect him to change the job because of your anxieties, it is a selfish desire and a one that will create a gap between you guys because of the neediness. Anxiety is a not a disease but simply a symptom of overexcitation in central nervous system often combined with low serotonin volume or fast reuptake in brain. There is often an emotional component as well, such as childhood abuse, trauma and abandonment in the past.

There are many successful approaches to dealing with anxieties and many of them have permanent results. It is also very important for you to deal with anxities as high cortisol levels have been shown to impact a growing foetus and have beeen associated with addicitons in the child later on in life. (Gabor Maete - Realm of Hungry Ghosts)

Please do not give up on yourself, there are always things you can do. Here are couple tips for you.

1. Meditation is THE number one habit that has times and times been shown to help with anxieties. Start by twice a day 15 minutes deep breathing. Breathe into your belly. Inhale on 5 and exhale on 10 seconds. Both always through nose. Deep breathing relaxes your central nervous system and stimulates GABA production (neuro-relaxant). Anxiety is often triggered by subjective stimulus that our brain percieves as dangeerous (in your case your aprtner leaving) and we need to convince our mind that it is safe. Deep breathing can be helpful for this.

2. Diet should contain as little processed foods, white pastries, bread and sugar as possible. Instead look into more mediteranean approach with lots of vegetables, fruits, legumes, nuts, seeds, lean meats and oily fish. Never skip a meal. It is important that your blood sugar is balance. Also you may look into foods rich in "tryptophan", it is an amino acid that is metabolised into 5-HTP and serotonin, both which are mood enhancers. Vitamin B6 is needed to mediate this conversion as well.

3. Coffee has to go and so does any stimulating drink. These will trigger your sympathetic nervous system -> more anxieties.

4. If you are not currently in medication, you could have a look into St. John's Wort tincture. In clinical research it was tested against many antidepressants and was found to be very effective. However it can not be mixed with drugs due to severe side effects. SJW is perrfectly safe on its own

5. Slow mindful yoga once a day with slow music and dimmed light can be very helpful. Perform slow coordinated movement and breathe deeply into the parts of the body that are being stretched. Its not about how much you can stress but about being completely mindful of what you do. Everytime you exhale imagine the anxiety leaving your body.

6. A herbalist or a naturopath in your area could help you optimise diet, lifestyle, sleep ad activity levels. These people can provide incredible help and the price os often very affordable.

As a naturopathic student, I can tell you that there is a lot you can do to help yourself. If you become dependant on your husband not leaving ever, you guys will become very distant emotionally and separation could be a result of the neediness for attachment.

[Thissucks562 in reply to Michalbaner]

Thank you for all the information. I am not needy, even if it does sound like it. My anxiety is worse when hes away but I do things on my own with out him. I don't believe that will cause distance because if it were for him he doesnt mind being with me. He just worries about my anxiety. I have sever anxiety when he is also here so I understand that the underlying needs to be addressed but I understand why you think that.

[Michalbaner in reply to Thissucks562]

fair enough Still, I believe anxieties can be conquered in 99% of cases because they are self-driven. Mind does not make mistakes, it is merely incorrectly programmed to trigger fight or flight to wrong stimulus.

All the best in your recovery !

[marsbarr in reply to Michalbaner]

Wow!

[Moknows1961]

I am so sorry that you are having so much anxiety over this. I am sure a psychiatrist might know the answer. I don't know if any meds you can take while you are pregnant. I am sure there are some. You have to get a hold on this for you first and then the baby. I have a friend that says when she gets pregnant, she has no anxiety at all. She has 4 children..oh well. Hopefully, there is something you can take that will be safe for both of you.

I dont like it when my partner leaves fir a while either. I am different because I can take ativan when it gets bad. I pray you find the right dr to help you.

[Thissucks562 in reply to Moknows1961]

Thank you, I appreciate it. Yeah I have ativan but I try to hold off until I absolutely cannot deal. Today my anxiety is non existent I am amazed. My sister also had no anxiety while she was pregnant. Lucky them lol

[stbernard1]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!! Such wonderful news! I will be praying you have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I am sorry to read about your anxiety surrounding your husband traveling. Have you had a conversation with him about changing jobs? Traveling less? Not traveling as long? I think the conversation with him must come first and then go from there. If you are experiencing anxiety more frequently, then I would suggest talking to your healthcare provider. They will have resources to support you and be better at navigating anxiety. I will be praying for you and your situation!

[Thissucks562]

Thank you, prayer is welcome. Yes, I have talked to him about but he says that I need to be strong that we cannot make any changes right now. When my anxiety is bad I dont understand but when I'm ok I totally agree to a certain degree. I think it's the length of time that affects me the most. We have 2 other kids and my oldest is most affected when my husband is gone and I think that is something that triggers it for me also.

[Cicinoodle]

It sounds like he has anxiety over getting a new job. If i were him I would be looking for one with insurance coverage for maternity and child

when it's born and HE should be anxious leaving you alone .

Are you mostly worried about his safe return? or scared of being alone, or both?

It's important to keep busy and talk to people about it, spend time with a friend or make a new friend that you would enjoy being around. do you have any family around to visit? or his family?

5-7 days goes by pretty fast and gives you time to catch up on things and enjoy what you like. Does he call you every night? That might help

Being away could actually help your marriage , as absence makes the heart grow fonder, but he really should be looking for a job with good insurance for your future together and think about his new upcoming family first.

Hugs to you and keep in touch