I'm zoe and ill be 17 years old next month... In early February I smoked weed and had a terrifying experience. I felt like I was going to die, I kept praying and praying and apologizing to God and I kept begging my friends to call 911 but they wouldn't. In my head everything kept happening over and over again in a repeated loop and it kept getting faster each time which caused me to have my first ever panic attack, I didn't notice I was having a panic attack because I was so terrified of what was going on and for hours this was going on but my friends said I'd be completely back to normal in the morning so I finally fell asleep. I woke up and I did not feel normal at all I was freaking out all day and I did not understand what was wrong with me. I was absolutely terrified that something was wrong with my brain and this continued every day for 3 weeks until I finally went to a therapist and she said I had ptsd. She gave me xanax and did EMDR therapy on me and it seemed to have helped for a couple of days but then I had a nightmare of what happened to me from the weed that night and I had a very hard time sleeping since then because I was scared i was going to have another nightmare. During this time I've had several panic attacks that brought me back to the fear I was in when I was high, which caused more anxiety. The panic attacks went away after a month and I was doing a little better for another month but still not normal. I started to research A LOT about whats happening to me and I've learned that my symptoms match the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, derealization/depersonalization, and anxiety. I always feel like I'm in a dream and can't wake up, I feel disconnected from myself, and I often feel trapped inside my own head which terrifies me. Just thinking about that night I got high makes my stromach drop and I always feel like the world isn't real. Whatever I look at looks different than it used to and I randomly get ringing in my ears, which also scares me. This has been happening everyday for almost 3 months (some days are better than others.) I am getting severely depressed and starting to feel hopeless, like I'll never be normal again. I keep thinking I don't want to die but I most certainly don't want to live like this. I'm scared of everything now. I am terrified of the thought of dying, I question why does life exist if we all die anyway, and I have scary intrusive thoughts that are really disturbing. I just want to be ME again. I was so carefree and I had fun with my friends every weekend, had good grades, played sports, and all of it was ruined by one bad high and I'm afraid I'll never be the same as I once was. Please help.