This all happened from one traumatizing weed experience back in February. I've never had anxiety or depression my whole entire existence. I'm 17 but the last 4 months have been like a living hell. And it feels like it's getting worse. My derealization/depersonalizeation is so bad that I have to pinch myself many times throughout the day to see if I'm dreaming or not. My ptsd is triggered about 90% of the time. Someone even talks about weed I almost have a panic attack. I smell it I start thinking I'm high again and all of those feelings come rushing back. I have nightmares most of the nights and the nightmares feel so real that I wake up and think it actually happened. Suicide is on my mind everyday. I don't want to die but things are so bad that I feel like that's the only way out. I'm seeing a psychologist weekly. I take xanax every day. I'll never be the same person as I used to be and that is the worst thing to think about. I just want to go a minute without being terrified. The constant feeling of fear is always there 24/7. I need help and I need it fast.. I constantly just ask why I was ever born at all. And when I think about myself I start to panic because I don't know who I am and I don't recognize myself.... please give me advice I can't handle this anymore.