Please help:ptsd, depression, anxiety, derealization/depersonalization

This all happened from one traumatizing weed experience back in February. I've never had anxiety or depression my whole entire existence. I'm 17 but the last 4 months have been like a living hell. And it feels like it's getting worse. My derealization/depersonalizeation is so bad that I have to pinch myself many times throughout the day to see if I'm dreaming or not. My ptsd is triggered about 90% of the time. Someone even talks about weed I almost have a panic attack. I smell it I start thinking I'm high again and all of those feelings come rushing back. I have nightmares most of the nights and the nightmares feel so real that I wake up and think it actually happened. Suicide is on my mind everyday. I don't want to die but things are so bad that I feel like that's the only way out. I'm seeing a psychologist weekly. I take xanax every day. I'll never be the same person as I used to be and that is the worst thing to think about. I just want to go a minute without being terrified. The constant feeling of fear is always there 24/7. I need help and I need it fast.. I constantly just ask why I was ever born at all. And when I think about myself I start to panic because I don't know who I am and I don't recognize myself.... please give me advice I can't handle this anymore.


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11 Replies

  • You ain't the only one ! It happen to me it's been a year now some days are better than other , at moment I woke up with no energy I can feel the depression coming I'm tired of feeling like this. .

  • This is me. I have been stuck in dream land for over 3 months. I keep reading recovery stories for hope. I also take supplements that seem to be helping but not enough. I am going to see a holistic doctor this month and hoping she can help. I totally lost myself. I don't know who I am or what I am. It's fucking disturbing. What have you tried? I know meditation, exercising, keep busy is suppose to help. Also, if you have anxiety because of it then you might want medication to help and give you a more clear head so you can beat this hell. Read this story:

  • I've tried Zoloft, xanax, Valium, and therapy, I've been exercising in not sure if it's helping

  • How long has it been? How is your sleep? Zoloft made things worst for me so I had to come off it. I didn't like the way Xanax made me feel so never took it again. There's other medications but I'm scared to try. The problem is that there's no cure for Dp/dr but it feeds off anxiety so I guess once the anxiety is controlled then you can beat Dp/dr. I feel like I'm mainly anxious because of this crap. I don't know. This really sucks. Are you able to function?

  • Zoloft was bad for me too I stopped taking it, xanax has lately been making me feel weird. I force myself to go out and be with friends even though it's hard, it's better than sitting alone miserable with you and your thoughts. I really hope I can beat this and I hope you can too

  • Yes I hope so. I have read that socializing helps with recovery so keep doing it even if you feel like crap. Just like me... I force myself everyday to do what I normally would do and hoping my brain wakes up.

  • Yes socializing is helping but it's still hard to act normal when your anxiety is so bad. Luckily all of my friends and family are really understanding about it and help me whenever I need it

  • I had this for quiet a long time, but it tied in very nicely with just having had a baby so it took a while to realise it wasn't just sleepless nights but something very weird going on.

    One night I was sat alone and thought - oh my word - who am I???? how long have I been feeling like I'm living in a dream world existence and sheer panic set in - and I mean absolute terror coupled with anxiety. I thought this is it - my brain has unlocked and I'm having a nervous breakdown!!

    I googled a local psychotherapist and was booked in within 24hrs. that made me feel better.

    Prior to the session I made a list of all the things that seemed to be at the forefront of my mind and emailed them to the therapist. That way I felt there was no hiding from my issues. Seeing the therapist helped a lot, even just that initial appointment.

    In the meantime I became very conscious of everything around me. I would quite literally talk myself through things.... "Okay right you are going up the stairs", "I'm boiling the kettle making a tea". Sort of like mindfulness to the extreme. I somehow knew that I had to "ground" myself and come back down to earth.

    With a combination of the two I got better. It did not take long once I had a name for what I was experiencing maybe 4-6 weeks.

    I think you might do well from having a few therapy sessions. They really helped me - just having the space to talk about me.

  • Yeah I have my 3rd psychologist appointment tomorrow so I hope it keeps getting better

  • I seem to be stuck for over 3 months with this and I just read your symptoms and are very similar to mine. I am Very aware of my surroundings and fearful all day. I also find myself talking to myself and saying what I'm going to do. Like " im going to go cook now" " I'm going to take shower" and so on. It's so weird. I'm glad you got out this hell so quickly. I don't wish this upon anyone. The existence thoughts are the worst!

  • Unfortunately I'm not out of the hell im still struggling everyday but I have a lot of people who care and love me so that helps a lot. If it weren't for them I wouldn't be here right now.

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