Does anyone ever feel there is NO help?

[kama24]

I am currently in a bad way with a panic attack. I live daily with panic disorder and it has never been totally under control for the last 2 years. Yes I see a therapist, yes I take prescription meds, yes I've attended CBT classes, yes I've tried every thing I read about, yes I try distractions, yes I TRY. Has anyone ever felt so totally hopeless they don't know where to turn or what to do? Living with fear is not living. All I can do is try to ride this through.

[Kristin21]

I feel the same way, hopeless nothing to look forward to. I'm always having to push myself to do things I should be doing but I always am never fully there. I want it to be gone just for a minute sometimes and it's all I want peace no fear I want to wake up with not a worry in the world

[kama24 in reply to Kristin21]

Thank you! I am not the person I was even 2 yrs ago when I had to withdraw from a long time medication. I am not me anymore. I just want to not feel fear every day...I want to smile and laugh, I want no fear. I guess we are not alone in the world but how do we find help? We keep trying, but in the mean time we have no joy in life and the feeling of fear is over powering.

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

Hi kama24, maybe the problem is that you are trying too hard to get better that you are wearing yourself out both mentally and physically. I've been where you are and it was terrifying. Like you, I tried everything out there. I researched, I studied anxiety in and out. I lost friends, became agoraphobic. You are absolutely correct in saying this isn't a life. Life is for the living and I was just existing. UNTIL...one day, got so mad at my mind robbing me of precious moments that I'll never get back. I got angry at the anxiety. I told it, I didn't have time to play this game anymore. I didn't surrender, I didn't fight but I did ACCEPT. I accepted that it could no longer harm me or hold me back. I was once again going to be in charge of my feelings and emotions.

It took practice as well as using deep breathing and meditation to get where I am today. All the years I wasted not believing my therapist that something so simply could have me overcome my fears. I've talked with you before about this kama and I truly understand that it isn't easy. The time will come when it will feel right. You will know that you are in the right mindset to go forward. Continue talking with the group on the forum. Take in all the positive responses and put them to good use for yourself. Afterall, if it can work for a number of us, it will work for you as well. Stay strong, stay positive and you will once again be YOU x

[Jeff1943]

Kama24, yes almost everyone on this forum has felt exactly what you feel right now. I promise you that you will not feel like this for the rest of your life and that through understanding what's happening to you, and by practicing the right recovery methods, you will regain the confidence and quiet mind that you deserve.

So first understand that some time ago you over sensitised your nervous system through too much stress and worry. Since then the fear that you react with to every panic attack and bad feeling continues to fuel your over sensitised nerves. To recover you must give your nerves a break from fear, tension and stress allowing your system to recover and the nightmare you are experiencing to stop.

First you must STOP FIGHTING these feelings, instead let them come. You must ACCEPT them for the time being, you need to practice accepting the symptoms of anxiety with a minimum of fear. Just remember, anxiety isn't life threatening and won't drive you crazy and any depression you feel is because you are depressed by your anxiety - when the anxiety resolves so will the depression.

So stop fighting and start practicing acceptance with the least amount of fear you can - fighting only causes more tension and stress whilst acceptance will eventually free you from panic attacks and bad feelings.

The thing to remember, Kama24, is that WE WIN NOT BY THE PUNCHES WE GIVE BUT BY THE PUNCHES WE TAKE.

[kama24 in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I so envy those who had the strength to over come this curse. I keep saying "you have nothing to fear but fear itself"....and it is terrifying day after day. I never in my life felt depressed until the last few months on top of this daily fear....fear of death, fear of leaving my family behind, fear of life, fear of death. I so appreciate all of you who have responded. I went out on the back deck a few minutes ago to feel fresh air, look at the night sky, all I ended up doing was crying like a coward. I will try to accept how I'm feeling

[kama24]

Yes....terrifying!!! I am noticing I don't want to leave the house especially alone.....I found an article tonight that described Panic DISORDER oh it is ME! Yes, I am existing day to day, in fear. I actually had a verbal fight with myself today.....then into crying because I didn't seem to be listening. When I do try deep breathing I tend to get more out of breath if that makes sense? Thank you for being so kind. Today has been one of the bad ones....I so feel for my husband having to live with me and listen and see me....he is "my rock" but I know I have to get a handle on this before I have a break down. I have a question. Do you have to do deep breathing if you are listening to a meditation CD?

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

kama, I will answer this one because deep breathing has become a natural for me. It comes automatically whereas before it would be short fast breathes with shoulders up to my ears and feeling lightheaded.

First came trying it along with meditation then practicing until it finally became a way of life. I use deep breathing while typing on the forum, driving a car, watching tv, in bed before sleep as well as waking up. It has completely changed the way I feel. And should anxiety try hitting me, I deep breathe it away.

For a respite in the afternoon, I use YouTube and type in QuietMindCafe.com Sinking and slowing breathing with meditation. 10 min. works like a charm everytime.

Don't give up, it will happen for you. x

[kama24]

Thank you. I have never been able to accomplish deep breathing without hyperventilating...I try to do as instructions say but maybe I try too hard. I admire that you were able to attain your goal. I will look up the site on Youtube as well. When my husband got in from his meeting tonight I was a total mess. I thought I was having a break down. I will try to hang in there and appreciate all the replies.

[Jeff1943]

Kama24, I know you have been suffering for many years but you can still recover from this and enjoy the rest of your life. Believe me. I know you feel tired and like giving up but here's what I consider a recovery plan for you. As you know I'm no doctor or therapist, my only qualification is that I first experienced anxiety disorder 40 years ago and I'm fine.

I think you need a short 'holiday' from your suffering and I would see your doctor and explain your situation fully and ask for a short course of diazepam also known as valium. Many people on this forum hate and fear meds but meds have their uses in recovery and from my past experience diazepam is a magic bullet, a waving wand, though it's not a long term answer.

Whether or not your doctor agrees to that the next step is to go to Amazon and if you're in the U.K. search for 'Self help for your nerves' by Claire Wkkes or in the U.S. the same book is titled 'Hope and help for your nerves'. Then read some of the hundreds of Amazon reader reviews for this book.

I appreciate that right now the last thing you feel like doing is reading 'another book'. But this isn't just any old book promising to help you recover, it's THE book. It was written 55 years ago by the late Doctor Claire Weekes, don't let that put you off, rather recognise that a book that is still curing people after all those years has withstood the test of time. I suggestthat for a few pounds/dollars you buy a copy, it's quite short and written in a way that is easy for tired minds to follow.

I believe that when you've read that book, and possibly reread it, you will say to yourself "If only I'd discovered this book 50 years ago."

I will say no more except to wish you well on your journey of recovery.

[kama24 in reply to Jeff1943]

Hi, I currently take Luvox 4 pills a day, I have been on Xanax for almost a month but it has done NOTHING, and I feel there is no point in continuing as I've read it can become addictive and stop working too. I have Ativan for use "when it is a truly out of control situation". It does help. Many yrs ago I was on valium, but again to no avail. I was on Paxil for 18 yrs.....was weaned off it properly, then whammo without warning everything went wrong...a yr of nausea, anxiety, panic, a few months of normality and then 6 months ago, I am the worse I've ever been. It doesn't make sense! I live in Ontario Canada, but we have a huge Chapters Indigo book store here and if it is not in stock they will order it. I can NOT continue like this I truly felt I was having a total break down last night. I will look into that book...thank you for taking time to "talk" to me.

[kama24 in reply to Jeff1943]

Hi, I went out today and bought 'Self help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes Than you for recommending it

[Agora1 in reply to kama24]

kama24, good for you. You are on your way to healing. It was the very first book I bought many moons ago and is still my "go to" today. x

[kama24 in reply to Agora1]

I certainly hope I get some help from it I am thinking optimistic.

[mdooms]

Kama24,

Are you ok? I remember you have the heart test and was filled with panic. Please tell me what you are experiencing now. I may be able to help

[kama24]

I had the test, but refused the injection to speed my heart up. That was a month ago. I never heard back and assume it didn't show anything serious. He did put me on a mild beta blocker daily to attempt to slow it down. I still have frightening bouts of irregularty and try to get through them even though I get terrified. The last month my physciatrist put me on Xanax but it has done nothing even though many find it a miracle pill. I see him in another week and am going to tell him there is no point. If anything an Ativan during a real out of control time helps best. I get so scared and desperate I almost wish they had a facility here where they could admit you but they don't. I seldom like to go out of the house now or be alone......NEVER have I been this bad. My family must be sick of me, my husband tries very hard to be supportive but my mind is so strong. There are days I wish I had the nerve to end it all but I'm too cowardly. Thank you for caring.

[mdooms]

Kama24, please look up Dr Elaine Ryan on google. She has a free course for anxiety sufferers. She shows us how are brains are trained to be this way and what we can do to stop. I can let you be assured if you had a heart problem, they would of called you right back to their office. If they didn't, your heart is fine. Kama24, if I could beat this, so can you! Take her free course and message me to let me know what you think God Bless and talk to ya soon.

[kama24 in reply to mdooms]

Thank you so much for replying I woke at 3:15am in full blown panic .......at 4pm I gave in and took ativan, dozed till 8am....yesterday I was pretty good .....but this is how it goes at times, fear of passing out, fear of not being able to breathe, fear so bad you shake like a trapped animal, fear to live fear to die...... I am on the full dose of a new pill today....I must think positive, because this life isn't "living" A book by Dr. Claire Weekes was also recommended to me by several people in the blog. I am reading it now, It is call "Hope and Help for Your Nerves"....is written "old school" but oh my it is as if she is describing ME right on. Many suggestions, support, information.....I keep saying "yes that's ME"..."yes, that's ME"! I truly am starting to go to past fear mode to almost terror and for the life of me I cannot figure it out though I try....nothing makes sense, I will most certainly look up Dr Elaine Ryan and give it a shot. I don't want to give up.

[mdooms in reply to kama24]

Never give up!! You can and will do it!

[kama24]

I try to believe that.....always worse when I am alone and I'm alone a lot.

[carrieprice1998]

That's basically my life right now. It's not easy living in fear all the time but it's something we have to cope with the best we can.

[kama24 in reply to carrieprice1998]

You are right, it is very difficult and life consuming.....we miss out on so much. I DO try all the little "tricks" I've learned about to accept and deal with it.....just wish they worked better for me. I do find it comforting when or if I can talk to someone who has the same issues.

[carrieprice1998 in reply to kama24]

Yes, it is always very helpful for me to have someone to talk to who knows my situation and how I live.

[kama24 in reply to carrieprice1998]

Lucky are those who have family or friends who truly want to understand and support you. It can be very lonely battling at times

[carrieprice1998 in reply to kama24]

Very true!