Is there anyone

[apayett24]

That has really bad anxiety and panic attacks that you never leave your house you can’t even go to the doctor nor sometimes you can’t even leave your room you get so scared that you can’t move so you ball up in a fetal position and can’t move or you start to feel like you can’t breathe that you stay still your heart is pounding but in reality it’s not you feel like at any moment your going to have a heart attack your hands sweat your mind is racing I feel this way every night I haven’t left my house in 4 years I was good last summer I was able to go outside in the yard now I’m in my room haven’t left it in 3 months I was 178lb now I’m 129lb I also sometimes poor cold water on me to stop the panic attack am I alone

[Agora1]

I think you know apayett that I spent 5 years in my home. Although I never confined

myself to my bedroom, I did use the couch as my safe place. Whenever the doorbell

or phone would ring, I would curl in a ball, lower the tv as my heart pounded afraid of

every little noise I heard. The same would happen if I heard the doorbell or phone ring

on tv. The stimuli of my over sensitized nervous system was in full gear. When I did

sleep, it was in a fetal position which I later found out was from extreme anxiety.

You've suffered for about as long as I had. It wasn't until that last year that I started

feeling antsy and angry that my mind had this kind of power over me. If I learned

anything during that time it was that no medication or therapy was going to be the key.

They were simply crutches until I could stand up for myself. Fighting tooth and nail for

methods that would get me to take that first step. I practically lived on YouTube, watching

videos on anything and everything until I became confident enough in myself that I could

and I would take that first step out of the house.

One step at a time, one day at a time but once I smelled fresh air again and trees and

people and places I use to frequent, I was back. It will happen for you apayett. My therapist virtually held my hand throughout this time. I needed that one on one support.

I did not have a forum like this to come to. We are here for each other. How nice this site

is in knowing we are all accepted no matter how great our fears are. We are one in the same and together can beat this thing called anxiety. Love, Agora1 xx

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you I just get so scared I barely leave my bed I have lost so much weight and muscle I don’t want to die I keep telling my self I’m not going to have a heart attack

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

Honestly, I don't like the fact that you are losing weight and muscle mass. Is anyone

monitoring your health care. I was fortunate at the time to find a doctor who made

house visits once ev 3 months but his nurses came once a week to do vitals and keep

up with any health issues. It's important since mental health issues take a toll on

our body as well as our minds. xx

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

My sister has has ems training she keeps up with my vitals and that they been in the normal range

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

That's good. I was a paramedic as well so I was able to monitor my

vitals in between. I'm sure you are in good hands with your sister's

training. She will know what's best for you. xx

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

Did you ever lose weight like I did my weight goes up and down

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

I've never lost weight because of anxiety. It doesn't seem to affect my appetite.

I would say more people lose weight than don't. As for losing muscle mass, you

don't really want to stay in bed or sit around all day. If you do, your muscles will

atrophy. Even if it's just walking around the house during the day, going up and

down steps, it will help keep your muscles in good shape as well as help with

circulation. xx

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

Will it make me have a heart attack?

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

No one can know the answer to that question not even your doctor.

It's all about taking precautions. Even in the hospital, they make sure

the patient gets up and out of bed most of the time, the same day after

surgery. x

[apayett24]

My heart rate stays in the 60s bc I don’t do anything but when I do it goes up is that good I’m scared bc I lost so much weight

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

Your b/p should go up as you move around. Your heart is a muscle that was meant to be

used. When you lie around a lot, you get deconditioned which can cause breathlessness

and fatigue not coming from a heart issue but from a deconditioned issue. x

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

So my heart is working normally?

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

As for the b/p rising when you move around, by all means. As long as it's

staying within proper range that's good. Your sister can do a little test by

taking your b/p when lying down, then sitting, then standing. It should be

adapting to those different positions. x

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

Ok thank you

[apayett24 in reply to apayett24]

Laying down it’s 63 sitting it’s 64 I haven’t stood up yet bc it’s night time here is this normal

[apayett24 in reply to apayett24]

Blood pressure is 115 over 75 sitting and laying 110 over 60

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

Good numbers, you're just a kid at heart xx

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

You're good xx

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much it makes me feel better

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

I'm glad. Enjoy your evening...maybe do a few laps around the house xx

That's inside x

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

I did a little bit a of walking today I’m going to do some more tomorrow as well. You have a good evening too

[Agora1 in reply to apayett24]

Goodnight xx

[apayett24 in reply to Agora1]

Good night

[Calm_mama]

hi apayett,

I'm so very sorry you are suffering. I'm sending you giant hugs.

Yes there are many people who go through this. Agoraphobia is not an uncommon direction for anxiety to take people. My daughter became agoraphobic when her anxiety was at its peak.

Could you give us some more info? How are you getting your meals? Are you eating but still losing weight, or is it more that you have no appetite and aren't eating much/well? When was the last time you saw the doc and has he/she done a thorough checkup (including blood work?) Do you have insurance, and/ or means to pay for more help? That's a personal question! I ask that because phone or video therapy may be a good option for you right now Last question- are you on any meds? OK 1 more- do you have some support in the way of family/friends?

I'm so glad Agora answered you! She has such a success story full of hope. You have a story of hope, too

[apayett24 in reply to Calm_mama]

I am eating I gain some weight then I lost it. I have insurance im trying to find a therapist I eat mostly chicken and beef sometimes fruit if we can get some. Last time I saw a doctor was 2 years ago to be diagnosed agoraphobic. They drew blood when I was there I was put on meds but it made them worse. I live with my sisters and parents I moved back in when this all started they try to help me but it ways on them.

[Elfje in reply to apayett24]

Ok you must talk to others and doc

I have this also

But today I get fed up with this anxiety an panic so I go take all my strength and go to my doc

[Calm_mama in reply to apayett24]

Thank you apayett!

I am so glad you have family around you.

It's important that you have a doctor visit. If you can't get out to see one, find a way for one to come to you, or for you to have a telemedicine visit. I agree with the others here that the weight loss needs to be investigated from a medical standpoint.

The therapist piece is key as well. See if you can find one who knows anxiety inside and out, and one who really knows cognitive-behavioral therapy.

As far as meds, there are many classes to try, and many meds within a class. I'd have that discussion with the doc.

There are many pearls of wisdom here on this site! What helps make it click for one person is different for the next. Take the time to read through and you'll find many suggestions- meditation, mindfulness, breathing exercises, different youtube inspirations/coaches, etc. I have my favorites on my profile, including Dr. Claire Weekes, who addresses agoraphobia quite a bit in her books/audio.

You can get better. know and believe that. We're here for you, holding your hand on this journey. Try to imagine that every time things get shaky. You are most definitely not alone. Write often and keep us posted? Big hugs to you apayett.

[CherylHammond74]

I was like that years ago And getting that way again these days it's not fun at all. Qiete frightening really.

[poisoneppie]

You know guys, I have my moments of anxiety too but not as intense as some here. I still can go to work. Sadly, nobody is around when I go home everyday so literally on my own. This adds up to my anxiety whenever it hits me. But somehow I managed my anxieties. I think its just a matter of acceptance. I know how fearful the idea of dying, but hey! we all going to be there someday. I have learned to accept this idea and somehow it pushes me to act normally. I can't deny the fact that at times I would rather lay in bed and watch movies but if completely shut myself from going out, no one will help me out of this dark part of my life. Enslaving myself to this horrific condition is like me giving in and letting anxiety control my entire life which I don't like to happen.

Alone and afraid but still have a little bit of courage to see the world outside as it is. When I feel like anxiety will take control of me, I count from 5 to 0 like counting down a rocket about to take up then utter a positive thoughts why I am getting nervous (like "I am just so excited because I will treat myself to the mall to buy new things for me). Anxiety will disappear for some reason. A motivational speaker said that we need to interrupt our thoughts before anxiety kicks in, before our brain goes into autodrive, and one way is to inject positive thoughts. She said that fear and excitement gives out the same feeling but we need to trick our mind what to process and feel and that is by injecting positive thoughts. You may want to try it for yourself. We all need to fight a good battle, and by all means we need to win this ordeal. Cheers! Life is too short to dwell on negativities. Give yourself a break! Go out! Don't be afraid, Give your life a try and see how we far you can go.

[jessiejakes in reply to poisoneppie]

Well said you are a lot stronger than you know.to hold a job down and go shopping etc.do you take medication ? Or have you tried any ? I live on my own to and when anxiety kicks in its so much harder to deal with it.but I'm now 2 weeks on citalopram and the side effects first week or so was really bad nausea struggled to get food down me .then see doctor yesterday and he signed me off work for another month.woke up this morning soaking wet in sweat at 5 am I had to keep telling myself its one of the side effects and calmed myself down by keep reapting this to myself.the anxiety is really bad to but also side effect just got to stay positive and get through the first 3 to 6 weeks of side effects.reading your post has given me some hope that I can do it.

[poisoneppie in reply to jessiejakes]

Lucky enough I stopped my medication after a month on it for over 2 years now. I forgot the name though of the meds. I was referred to a Psychologist back then complaining for dizziness, shortness of breath and chest discomfort even panic attack. I hate the feeling of it as I have to struggle day in day out. My dizziness rarely visit me now. Chest discomfort is on/off but I think by keeping a positive view of my life helped me alot. Anxiety is like an invisible chain that locks us all in a world that we don't want to be in the first place.

Try to watch the motivational video of Mel Robbins TED Talk on you tube about the 5-second rule. That might help. Her talks reinforce positive thoughts and make us see things differently. She was on meds also for decades and her life was a mess but her anxiety was gone using this simple mind tricks. There is no harm on trying. Give it a shot.

[art62grammie]

Hey! We are here for you. Each reply you get is encouraging. We all care. Agora1 understands my issues. She is great like the others here to support. She understands my long Anorexic journey. I am concerned with your weight. I had been Anorexic for forty years. Since I was 14. I have been in outpatient treatment for six years and continue. I take 75 mg of Zoloft daily. It helps with the obsessing over food. It helps with the trauma that I suffered as a child. I had repressed each memory of my childhood until 3 years ago. I recall it all now. I have processed the painful memories and released them. I have triggers a lot. I process and release them. This is what my mental doctors have trained me to do. Those in my past who have abused me. They are in the past. No painful memory can defeat me again. I wake up each day to fight the battle with the mind. The mind is such a crazy thing. I have the ammunition to fight. That is what therapy has trained me for. Just like those in the service. They go for training to use their skills to fight for our country. My six years of treatment have done the same for me. We put on our armor daily and fight. The day that I stop fighting is the day that I will lose the war. I will not lose. I am strong and so are you. We a real soldiers in the war with our struggles of the mind. DO NOT LET THEM DEFEAT YOU. FEAR IS ONLY A FIGMENT OF THE MIND. IF IN FEAR OF SOMETHING DO IT IN FEAR. I WAS TERRIFIED THE FIRST TIME THAT I WENT TO A MENTAL DOCTOR. I stood at the secretary's desk crying in despair. I was a skeleton who was only existing. I was numb to emotions. I was dying from 40 years of Anorexia. They had an appointment immediately. This is the first time in all these years that I sought treatment. I had almost died 2 months before that day. My treatment began in January of 2013. I have gained weight and have healed my mind. The PTSD and all the memories are very painful. My father broke me like glass. I put the broken pieces back together and doing well. I know you can too. I want to see each and every person who reads our stories. I want to see them conquer our fears. The journey is rough. What have we to lose? Fear isolates and controls. I had been there for 50 years. I broke out from that prison a few years ago. I am a free lady now. I will never return. When the prison gate shut. I heard the sound of freedom and it is wonderful. Being in a prison within ourselves is torture. We became prisoners because of no crime. For me, I was mentally ill from Anorexia and forced to be a prisoner because my father who was married to a wonderful mother for forty years. I had so much violence in my home growing up. It was done to all four children and my wonderful and loving mother. I was forced to be a prisoner due to my violent father. I was a victim of rape by him from age 5-11. I only recall these repressed memories recently. I am not a victim of loneliness nor depression anymore. I was a victim to Anorexia all those 40 years. I am no longer a victim. I am a soldier and a survivor. We all are and we will fight. We do not let the past defeat us. Daily we fight to be free. The prison gates are not for me anymore. I broke free. I will never return. You keep on fighting and you will win. Just as I and others have done. When the tunnel is dark and no glimmer of light. You keep searching for that light. If the road gets rough. You keep on driving. It may have curves and potholes. It will not be perfect nor easy. I think if I have survived 40 years of Anorexia and rape as a child. The physical violence by dad too. I truly believe anything is possible. I love you. You are strong just believe in you. Never stop fighting. BREAK FROM THE PRISON AND NEVER TO RETURN.

[apayett24]

Thanks everyone I have now found a therapist I’m waiting on the voice call and my weight was worse when I was living with my aunt I was 115 I’m 129 right now I was holding at 140 but this month is been really stressful bc of food situation but I know I won’t make it to the doctor so I can only hope that this therapist can help me then I will go see a doctor after that

[soulsquest7]

Do you live alone? Anxiety and Panic Attacks can be helped through meds and/or counseling. I do both because the meds take the edge off while counseling helps me figure out what's going on. Does that help? Prayers

[apayett24 in reply to soulsquest7]

I live with my family I tried meds and it made it worse.