I have been living with depression for as long as I can remember and anxiety for 5 years now and feeling in a bit of a rut. I've never fit in and feel that I'm quite disliked or at least unrelatable. The illness has brought feelings of paranoia that I am being talked about negatively or going to lose my job or mocked. Then there is the memory loss, the confusion, the tiredness, the lows, the lost interest in everything you do, the (very unfortunate) diminished libido. As a person living with mental health, a lot of the times you battle against yourself, wondering whether your feelings are real or just part of the illness.
It's exhausting.. I'm exhausted. is this all I have to look forward to in life? I am medicated, I get counselling and lean occasionally ( much to my dislike) on my friends. i just had this idea of how my life was going to be and this ain't it..
I know people out there are fighting for their life but I can't help but think mine is a waste.
I do my best to work as hard as I can. I out my head down and work and I never complain about what they ask me to do yet it never seems to be enough.
I feel I've lost my spark, all self-confidence and I don't know how to get it back. I feel empty and want more than anything for the sadness to go away.
I have rejoined a social group from the website meetup. I found them quite nice. I go back to that tomorrow.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
Thank you for reading.