SEASONAL DEPRESSION

[AlexaLee7811]

So I am pretty sure my symptoms are a key to seasonal depression.I have gotten a light and started taking supplements and vitamin D and also getting more sleep and feel lots better. I did have a really bad moment wednesday night i just was so tired and so annoyed with everyone I just burst into tears and laid in my bed and cried and my dog came over and just licked my face and I couldn't help but smile. It is hard when you so badly when it to be over. I just feel drained and tired constantly which I don't mind taking naps but even so I don't want it to take over my day either. It has been hard but i will do anything to make sure itll be ok and not affect my relationship ever. I truly love him so much. I know I do! when the anxiety isn't there I feel it everywhere and I miss him But when my anxiety comes up I question it all which sucks. I look forward to every time I see him but when I am alone is the hardest. Just wish it went away But today has been great and i cannot wait to see him!

[Hidden]

Hello

Sounds like you are doing everything you should be and good for you in trying to keep your anxiety and depression at bay

I think Winter can be difficult for so many when they suffer with anxiety as the days get shorter and lack of daylight always lowers our mood

It is ok to feel anger and have a good cry , sometimes this can be the best relief mechanism we have and you are lucky you have such a loyal pet dog to pick up on when you feel this way and make you smile

Our low moods always make us self doubt and when you are questioning your relationship etc remember it s more lightly your anxiety trying to get control rather than anything actually been wrong with your relationship

Just keep taking these positive steps that you are already taking and take each day at a time , push the negative thoughts to one side when they try to take over , accept it is ok to feel as you do at times but it will pass and I am sure little by little things will keep getting better

Take Care x

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

You are so so kind and I loved reading that ! You are right it just feels hopeless at times because I want me back but I do know I get this way this time of year but it just recently started having affects on my relationships . It sucks because it happened the same time with my ex but I rarely got better. It took a lot out of me and I was severely depressed but this time I don't feel like that always I just feel not me I always have some sort of nauseous feeling in my stomach o some stupid thing that might annoy me especially in my relationship but then I just want to be around him I don't want to leave . It's just very stressful this time of year is what's I noticed and I wish there was a quick fix hah. Do you get it at all?

[Hidden in reply to AlexaLee7811]

Hello

I believe I am lucky because of course I get down every human does but I have suffered really bad with anxiety but for now Depression has left me alone which I am grateful for

But if it be Depression or Anxiety they both can make us feel and react in the same way and I can relate to what you are saying

D you think because of pass relationships you are in a way steering this one to end up the same because that is what we expect ? I know this is something we can do

Do you talk to him and let him know how you feel and tell him that when you are low you may say and react in certain ways but deep down it is not him it is because of the way you feel , it would be nice to let him know

This time of the year can be daunting as I said , maybe could you try and fill your days in , I think it can be more important to try to do this when we know which you do that this can be a low point for us

I think we all would like to be able to wave a magic wand and go back to how things used to be and if I could I would wave one over everyone that suffers but we can't so I really think if we can accept that this is now and try not to rush things but note the small things that are little steps but with each one we are getting closer to the goal of feeling as we used to

Any relationship though if you are well or not is hard work , the give and take is easy to say but harder to do and one thing you have to learn to do is count to 10 before you react and hopefully by the time you get to 10 you will have forgotten what annoyed you

Are you a member on Action on Depression Community on here ?

Just a thought that it may help with the depression side of what you are suffering with , I will pop the link on that will take you straight there , you could have a quick look if you are already not a member , it may appeal to you it may not but no harm in looking x

healthunlocked.com/actionon...

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

You are so incredibly sweet ! Seriously you are very wise for what you have stated ! I have talked to him and he knows it is not him and he's soooo supportive and just listens to me while I talk . I haven't had any bad episodes in front of him because we have so much fun together or it is easy to work past the small amount I have .

I truly can find no wrong with him but this was also the time of year my parents got divorced when I was 9 and it was not a pleasant divorce . It happened end of September early October and that's where my anxiety starts like legit exact same time with my ex as it has with this man. But I question or doubt myself like am I kissing him because I want to or because it's just the flow of the relationship and I just need to let it flow because I love being around him and I need to trust if I truly didn't I would really know. I go out a lot to get a lot of sunlight and I got my happy lamp and already feeling better too keeping my days busy !

I will definitely join that group I think I might be a part already but will double check !

What does your anxiety do to you or how does it affect you ? I've had many friends with anxiety that it affects the relationship where it's the self doubt the reconvincing the overthinking the worrying if it's right or wrong or questioning it all and i just wonder why it's something anxiety latches on to

[Hidden in reply to AlexaLee7811]

I am sorry to hear about your Mum & Dad's divorce and how it has affected you

Not sure how old you are now but I do know that it can affect children and especially if it is not a pleasant split but remember that you were not to blame , that I am sure your parents never wanted you to get affected , that even as parents we are not perfect we are still human and we make some really bad choices and we mess up to ! and most important what ever happened between your Mum & Dad that was them and you are you an entirely separate person , so you need to try & let go because you are your own unique individual that go on and have healthy relationships as long as you don't drag your parents relationship along with you

I started suffering with anxiety from a very young age and back when I did there was no support and understanding like there is now , no one to talk to you were very alone and you felt ashamed and as if there must be something seriously wrong with you

I could write a book on all the things that happened along the way but to today I have learnt how to deal with my anxiety in a way where it does not control me the biggest thing is my ocd which because I never had support when I was younger has become a part of me which is my biggest struggle and maybe something I will always have to work on and when I say ocd it is not just about been clean , it can be things have to be in a certain way , colrs may have to be a certain color the lists goes on , but it is ok , I know what it is , I have accepted I suffer with it still and I am doing all I can to work on it and that is all you can ever ask of yourself to do your best and be the best person despite everything you can be and if you do that then that is more than good enough

O well about not sure why you are kissing him It really does not matter as long as you like kissing him & if you don't then don't bother doing it

I think it is more your depression and anxiety trying to make you self doubt m we can have very low self esteem which makes us question everything we do , we have to try and stop questioning things and just say well if what I am doing ends up wrong then I will just do what is right next time , it is not a big thing , except we can expect that we should be perfect and no one is , making mistakes is a part of life and what makes us wiser and without making them we would never learn anything , so try and enjoy the bit and focus on how happy you feel when you are with him

I am pleased you have found the other Community , I always think the more advise and support we can get can only be a good thing x

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

So thankful for your response! And I am 23 and an extremely confident outgoing sarcastic woman ! Literally I woke up one day and my stomach felt shitty and my mind was racin with thoughts (this aWas back with my ex) and I went to see a counselor and they told me it was anxiety and that I cared . But my last relationship was awful I relied on him for suppprt he didn't believe anxiety really existed and just told me to stop thinking about it and get over it. My boyfriend nownis so supportive and loving and caring telling me how proud and admirable I am for accepting it and working on it and how he is always here for me. It just terrified me my body was telling me something was wrong when nothing was. It was like clockwork when I came up with my recent boyfriend so I am learning more about myself and how to handle it. I work on myself daily amen each day it gets better. I just hate that I look for something that bothers me or that I have to reconvince or reassure myself. Like I'll look at him and I'll be like what's wrong? And I'd find something but it honestly doesn't bug bug me I'm like yeah it's weird but doesn't super bother me and no one is perfect!

But the ill also be like look you want to kiss him you want to hold him see you love him now stop! It's just a pain in the ass and when. I don't think about it I am fine !

With your anxiety and OCD what ways have you found to help cope and deal with it ? I've had seasonal depression since I was young but never ever identified with it . I would always be a tired and moody and sad and would go to bed at 6 and wake up at 8 for dinner then back to bed at times .

If you ever need to talk to someone too know I am lawys here and am so thankful for your help and support !

[Hidden in reply to AlexaLee7811]

Hello

Love the way you say you are a Sarcastic women , at least you can admit it and are honest

Sounds like your anxiety is giving you so much self doubt and that is why you are questioning all these things but when this doubt comes in tell yourself that it is anxiety and tell it you will not be listening , if we challenge it then it soon realizes it is loosing control and eventually it will lessen

But you are still very very young and life is one long learning kerb and no matter how young or old you are we are always learning and by learning through our mistakes or experiences can only be a positive making us stronger and wiser

My ocd has been a part of me for as long back as I can remember from a child to now a ( I will be polite about my age ) and say a middle aged mature women so I have to take it slow , but I have had some therapy going to have some more and like most things it is about challenging the thoughts , rationalizing them and slowly breaking the habits that have formed , sounds easy but a lot harder to put in practise , but little by little and I doubt all my ocd will ever go but any improvement has to be better and I will settle for that x

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

Well you seem very wise and very young just by the way you write haha (not that you write poorly but you click very well with people). That is exactly what I do and I had a wonderful wonderful weekend with him! It was unbelievable how amazing it was and I truly felt how much I loved him the entire weekend. It is also new the me where you transfer from honey moon stage to realizing he is just a human being too in a sense. You put them on such a high exciting pedestal that when it comes to realization it worries me. I don't feel the same OMFG he is gonna text me moment. I still get butterflies when he does text me but it is more of an aw he texted me how sweet that made my day. But it is when I really think into it when the anxeity comes up I worry I question things like why isn't lt like how it was before in the beginning where I was always worrying and wondering what he was doing or I always worried he would leave me or something. But I worked through it and now I know it is real real and it always happens this time of year too like I said clock work so all together it takes a toll on me for sure.

I do need constant reassurance but sunday and saturday it came a bit but left so quickly I got distracted I was enjoying our time togetehr and couldn't stop smiling and being happy. I have to also realize I can't expect a quick fix I need to give praise for the good times and understand and work with the bad which is HARD for me.

As for your OCD do you have to basically sit there like ok I don't want it this color but waht can I do about it? I can't control this color I can't change it and it is hard to live with but remember it is just a color? I agree therapy is super helpful but you seem like such a strong and motivated and loving person and I hope you have a lot of support around you and even if you want or need a little more I am always here too for you to message and talk to. It is hard and I am very proud of you how far you have come and how much self contro land learning you have done! I take this a lot like a learning lesson about myself and life itself and how to be more aware and strong as a human. Not to bring in god or anything sorry if you are not super religious but just saying god is challenging us constantly and also putting us through things to strengthen our bond with ourselves and help us grow and mature and there are two paths we can go through. One where we can't help ourselves or don't want to and just run away or the hard path of facing it and fixing it and finding out the unknown and thats what we both decided to do so we can live that one life we were both given and live it to the fullest. And that is something most can't do so you shoudl be SO proud of how far you have come and what a lovely inspiration you are for others epseically me and how calm and reassuring and confident boosting you are! and for all that I sincerely and generously thank you <3

[Hidden in reply to AlexaLee7811]

Hello

I have had a name change but still me , so you are not seeing things just in case you thought you were

O I like the sounds of sounding young , I wished I looked and was as young as I sounded

Well let me tell you , it is normal and you are so right you sound like the Honey moon period has now stopped and if it be this relationship or any other there is only a certain amount of time that lasts but then that in a way is good because all the time might eventually get to much and shows you are now becoming a more solid couple

Your relationship sounds normal to me , just don't question everything , if we did we would all be running away from our partners

Sounds like you are making progress though and have a good weekend which is nice to read

I have a long term suffering husband bless him He is fantastic with me I could not have better support as living with someone with ocd I know is not easy but he takes it all in his stride

I have to have everything matching but only me knows what that is so when I see colors if in my head they don't match well out they go if it be material things or what ever

Everything has to be in order the list is so long but it is such torment when things are wrong , clothes have to be put back on same hangers they came of , I could write a book about everything that may ocd creates

I even cannot let people in the house for fear of germs coming in and if they have to come in I have to put towels down for them to walk on as well as there with a cloth to wipe anything they may touch !

Well if there is a God I would just like to ask when will I pass the test for trying me because I feel I should have by now

Hope your week keeps getting better & better and well done in the progress you are making x

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

wow that is amazing that thats what your OCD focuses on! when did you realize you had this? Was there something in your past like growing up or something that could have brought it on? I can totally understand some of the OCD stuff I can get OCD on how straight things are like in my eyes it isn't straight but someone elses it is and im like NO i have to fix it like I can't let it go. It isn't as empowering as yours is but definitely can try to somewhat relate to your feelings and thoughts but I can completely understand how yours become overwhelming to the point of even a panic attack if you can't fix it or do it the right way! has your therapist suggested ideas on how to divert yourself from it? Like coloring or reading or do you work out a lot or go for walks? Walks are AMAZING for me just getting that sunshine and that light makes my day better !

and the fact you have such a wonderful husband who supports and loves you is the best you can ever ask for! I am SO SO happy to hear that. And maybe gods teaching of you isn't done. Because now you have a lot of knowledge about anxiety to help others but you are always still learning and maybe you are there to pass on your learnings and calmness and encouragement to others. Just even talking to you has helped me just relax at times it is weird like you have a very calming and comforting voice even over the internet. You never know why you are still going through it maybe there is always something more to learn and since you are such a strong and smart woman god believes you are able to handle more tasks and understands when it gets too much but always in a sense reassures you. I just try to find positives in this. My biggest one is learning about myself and also knowing if I can get through this I know I can always get through this and work on myself and not let it control my life and relationships.

You are 100% right though if we all had that we all would be running away in relationships. But I truly have an amazing support system he listens and talks to me and doesn't baby and coddle me I cannot have that or in a sense it feeds my anxiety like oh its ok don't worry itll get better. Rather he listens offers advice and tells me how proud he is and admirable I am to him for what I am doing and for working through it to better myself and my relationships with him. it is new to me since in my parents relationship I saw black and white basically either you kiss and love each other or nope it is over. And honestly thats how I viewed my relationships all of them. I also used sexual stuff as a wall like I could do things and not feel anything for the persona nd move on in my life. I never needed it for comfort or anything but I felt like the moment I started getting annoyed with them or something bothered me it was over and the relationship was done rather than realizing people annoy the crap out of each other in relationships but you love each other at the end of the day no matter what. it is something new and hard for me to get to understanding but each day it gets better and I understand it is ok to be annoyed or off about things and to just talk about it with them and sometimes just even talking about it helps release that annoyance and it goes away. Also this time of year most woman especially under season depression are that much worse with being annoyed too haha.

Its wonderful to hear how you improve and want to work on yourself constantly because it shows how strong you truly are and how willing you are to help and make yourself happy and better with things <3

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Hidden]

I am on the group 😊