Anxiety & Depression Worsening Lately (New Here)

Hi, new here!

Hi I'm Sarah,

I've joined because I have a history of panic, anxiety, OCD, and bad depression. I hope I can meet people I can relate to and learn to shut off my negative intrusive thoughts. Lately life has been very difficult lately. I have periods where I can be productive, work, do well in school and feel good day to day. But then I have periods like the one I've been in for months. I feel like crying every day. I'm finding it so hard to focus in school (I'm pursuing a Hospitality degree, BS) and difficult to maintain positive relationships. Every day is so difficult. I've been on Lexapro 20mg 1 pill daily for two years. It helped me getting out of an abusive relationship when I was 18 and was very effective up until a few months ago. I feel like it does nothing for me anymore. I actually lost my pills and am on a bad detox. I feel so out of it and really depressed. As for more of my life background I've dealt with eating issues, self harm, OCD, and trying to process the suicide of my father when I was 16. I know that his depression and OCD that caused him to do this has had more of a mental impact on me than anyone else in my family because I was so close to him and felt his pain. I know I eventually want to explore my medication options because my anxiety and negative thoughts are taking over my happiness. I know I am a good person and can have a happy life but I can't seem to take control of this depression. My anxiety tries to convince me there is no hope and I will not be successful in anything. My enjoyment for daily things are gone. All i want to do is distract myself from my pain. I hope I can find someone who can relate and meet new friends I guess. I find myself isolating myself more and more lately.

Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. <3

Sarah

[tamka38]

Hi and sorry for your loss. I hope u start to feel better soon. Hugs to you💞 I'm still in abusive relationship and I'm an alcoholic Because of my past and my bf. I struggle with depression and anxiety and P.T.S.D. it sucks but i do believe it will get better. Do u have a therapist?

[Hidden in reply to tamka38]

Thanks for your comment. And no i don't have a therapist. I've tried therapy but have difficulty having the patience to find the right person. I think I'm scared cause I've stuffed everything down and try to distract from my pain. Maybe it will be beneficial. May I ask if you're trying to leave your abusive relationship. I know it can be super hard I too have dealt with it.

[tamka38 in reply to Hidden]

Yes He don't fight me nomore but he talks bad about me and make me feel awful. I know he's not good for me.

[Renesia in reply to Hidden]

Am really sorry your going all this.hope u feel better soon.

[Hidden]

Hey just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone and like I just told someone earlier, this is the right site to meet people, make friends and chat with people who understand what we go through, you'll find it to be the best meditation they'll talk you through what & how you're feeling and will even generously check up on you every once in a while. I know this shit sounded like a whole ad lol but trust me. If you ever need someone to vent too, you can always inbox me anytime. We can get through this together, how have you been feeling lately?

[melbrown]

Hi Sarah & welcome to the group. I can relate to lot of what you wrote. Anxiety & depression aren't fun & most people don't understand It. It's hard to ask for help.... meds are hard. Figuring which works, remembering to take them, talking to doctors about them, realizing it's okay to be on them... hate it, but hate myself off them more. I understand the therapy thing too.... It's the step I keep putting off. It's hard to figure out how to go about it.... finding the right person, affording it, finding time. Talking to people here helps a lot.

I am so sorry about the lost if your father. hugs No words feel right to say.... losing a parent/love one is so painful. I hope you both find peace🕊

Nice to meet you 💛 Mel

[Stumblety]

Have you tried EMDR therapy? Yoga? The good news is there is a lot of possible treatments. Lots of hope!

[Hidden in reply to Stumblety]

What's EDMR therapy?? But yea I like yoga!

[Stumblety in reply to Hidden]

emdria.org/ this will explain it better than I can!

[Mjshells]

It's kind of scary how much i can relate with your story. Prior to me joining this site, about a week ago, i really felt so alone with my mental health struggles. Some of my family is supportive, but they find it hard to understand what im going through and because i tend to isolate myself often and have lost interest is so many things i use to enjoy, 'friends' never seem to care too much. It is somewhat of a relief to see there are people that i can really relate to so much. Some days it's a battle to wake up and get the day started. I feel like my anxiety/social anxiety and depression run my life too. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore and unfortunately i have gotten somewhat use to it. I was on lexapro a couple months ago at 10mg and it really didnt help so ge tried the 20mg like you said you're on and it still wasnt very helpful, so i started Bupropion about a month ago. I notice a difference, but i might need to go up in dose, not sure yet. There are so many different meds out there that it can feel like we're just a 'guinea pig' until we find whats best, can be a long road unfortunately. I am very sorry for your loss, i hope this site can help you try to stay positive and hang in there til you find what works best for you and your situation/life. So far everyone is very supportive and helpful, feel free to message if your having a rough day...

[Hidden in reply to Mjshells]

Thank you so much! Feel free to message me anytime too!

[Hidden]

Hi, sorry about your dad. I know how rough it is to lose a family member to suicide. It's kind of funny how everyone mentions how alone they feel here. Before this site, I thought I was alone in this, but it really helps to see other people can assimilate and share their story.