Relationships and depression.

Morning all.

I suffer really bad anxiety and depression, yesterday had major panic attack at work and just had to leave. Had a really bad night last night didn't sleep. So called in work yet again as having really bad time right now. My boyfriend has been amazing since i told him what i have and he has seen me at my worst. i have had quite a few episodes since we have been together, where i can't do anything don't want to go out, cant' eat i just want to hide myself away from everything and everybody. So my question is, can you stay in a relationship when you have severe depression? Its a real tricky one. I love my boyfriend dearly, and don't want to lose him, As when I'm o.k its the best. But when it comes back its like i turn into someone else. I lose my spark so to speak. I have been doctors many times and been on medication, horrible side effects sometimes i believe tablets can make a person worse. I also tried therapy but when I'm bad i can't leave the house.

Any advice will be very much appreciated.

[knowles8586]

Have you tried counselling, it may help you talk about your anxiety and what sets it off.

I lost my relationship to a man I was with for 18 years two years ago ans still feel upset about the breakup even though it wasnt working

If your boyfriend is supportive thats great and you both love each other, it is hard Ive had depression for most of my life and feel Ill never meet or trust anyone again. It gets very lonely on your own, so Id stick with your boyfriend and try and get betterx

[Hidden in reply to knowles8586]

i have tried it in the past but missed appointments as felt too bad to go. Sorry to hear of your break up. I'm sure you'll meet someone but its hard. When i get really bad i just want to die. It's like with sickness or the runs or even both, people get better. With depression its something we have for life. And its damn hard. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I repeat myself to my boyfriend every time i get this. Why me.. its not fair.. I want it to go away. And he tells me you'll be o.k. we'll get through this. and i always do . but it will come back again like it always does. I also really worry what people think of me. People i don't even know sometimes. This illness is very difficult. x

[knowles8586]

I know I feel like that but I have to stay strong I have a 15 year old son and two dogs I wouldnt die for

[bonny65 in reply to knowles8586]

try two books with cds instant confidence andcontrol stress by paul mckenna when i listen to cds nightly i get an instant calm no tears now for 3 days try them sure willhelp you

[knowles8586]

Ill be on later if you want to chat, the dogs need walkingx

[hope_to_help]

I truly believe that you can stay in a loving relationship when anxiety and depression are in play. You said yourself that your boyfriend has been amazing since you told him about your problems with depression and I think, at times when you're scared about losing him, it's really important to remind yourself of this.

I believe that anxiety and depression is a part of ourselves and if we can embrace it as just one of the many parts that make up who we are, it can start to make more sense. Some relationships won't work - but that isn't because 'depression' has ruined it, it's because for whatever reason the two people in the relationship have decided that too many aspects of their personality and/or life ambitions have clashed.

Just like if someone breaks up with their partner because they have said they never want marriage or children, if a relationship ends because of anxiety or depression it's not that aspect of your personality that's to blame... the relationship just wasn't going to work because the two people are too different.

I hope this has been of some help. If you think that trying a different kind of therapy would be helpful so you can get help when your depression worsens you might find the help on offer on the Anxiety UK website useful. 'Talking Therapies' such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Clinical Hypnotherapy and Counselling are some of the most effective tools for treating anxiety disorders. You can find out more about them here: anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help/w...

[Isobel]

Hi if he is supportive that is fantastic but it is hard on them too. I have bought a couple if books called I had a black dog which was recommended by my doctor and it is a lovely read but the authors wife also wrote one called living with the black dog which look at it from their point of view so you may find them helpful.

[Hidden in reply to Isobel]

Hi Isobel i will look into getting these books. Thank you for your advice and replying.

[shieda]

Hi I lost my son and for years I suffered with depression but stopped counselling cz it ws too painfull. Iv been on an ant-depressant bt made me feel like hell. Dn I went to psyciatrist she gave me citalopram sometimes feel I don't wnt 2 be on it but it helps. I have 3 kids and I felt I'm not supose to be happy without my son and after taking this I changed I'm calmer then started playing with my kids my small son said ma I can see u getting old cz u playing with us bt it was the meds. I don't get anxiety attacks anymore and I don't cry like I used to and don't fEel like I can't cope. I was bad I felt like I hated my husband and just lived cz I was alive. Mabe u should try it ull see the change after a few. Months even my husband said I changed I'm better than before. Your boyfriend supports u so I wouldn't want u to lose him cz of this ull just end up alone

[Hidden in reply to shieda]

Hi Sheida thank you very much for your kind advise. I will try to get appointment Monday with my doctor i think medication is the only answer now after these terrible episodes.

[Bunnyhop1]

Hi nparis, i was always reluctant to go on medication due to the stigma that is attached to it. There is still not that many people that know i'm on it. i take citalopram everyday because i got to the point where i was desperate i couldn't carry on the way i was it was like a living hell. It has helped a great deal it has really taken the edge of things. i can still have bad days (when i say bad bad its that low mood and a bit teary, lathargic etc) but on average there only about 1-2 out of 7. i have had counselling which has been fantastic for me everytime but as you struggle to leave the house maybe asking if you can have counselling over the phone? i had some counselling about 2 1/2 years ago and it was set up through my GP and a counsellor telephoned me for an hour starting every week, maybe you could ask about this when you see your GP. it was really helpful for me especially since i didn't have a car at the time.

Hope things go well at your appointment, keep us posted

Hugs

Bunnyhop1

[bonny65]

i have same i turn into different person,sadly my boyfriend cant take any more says i will never change ,i brought two books last week control stress and instant confidence both with cds which would calm you down its working for me ,and i feel more confident every day,its by paul mckenna its lovely that you have a man standing by you