Suffering horribly with anxiety and depression.

[Woodlands_beautiful]

I have never really posted anything publicly, but I feel I need someone to reach out to, I feel totally unsupported by loved ones and don't have friends that I can confide in, I have suffered with anxiety and depression for years now, but it has never been as bad as this, everyday I feel so weak as if I cannot lift myself from my bed,my job is on the line as I have not attended for several months and there is only so much before I am likely to be fired, I feel like I'm trapped in a well with the walls lined in grease and no possible chance of escape, I feel trapped within myself and no longer have a safe place were I can feel peacefull. my entire outlook on life is grim and I find it so hard to find the positives, I used to be so easy going and living life, but now I feel worthless, I feel like there is no one out there that could ever love me, since becoming severely depressed I have managed to gain 98 pounds, my body looks like I've carried triplets full term, my head pounds every time I think of going out, am feel so alone but am always on edge as if there is Someone about to jump out at me, I feel sick all day every day and it taking over my life, I now struggle to eat, partly due to the sickening anxiety and partly due to not wanting to eat in order to loose weight, I feel disgusting, and have no self worth, I self harm daily but I do not cut, I will not disclose what I do as I do not want to encourage others to do the same, i have triwtried d self help, i have tried meditation and to exercise, I am on medication but it just dosent cut it, I cannot even go out to see my doctor, I frequently let my partner down with plans because the idea of going anywhere fills me with dread to the point that I will hurl, I'm so scared of looseing them, the though of it is terrifying me and I feel like my whole word would fall apart. And I really don't know what will happen to me then.

[Kel76]

Hi. I'm so sorry that you feel this way & are having to go through this. This seems to be a wonderful community to reach out to & I hope that you will find peace & enlightenment on here. I sure have so far & I've only been on here a short time. I'm also one that doesn't reach out but I'm glad that I finally did & I'm glad you have too. If the medication that you're on isn't helping then I'd say try a different one. There's also something called CBD oil that you can get from a herb store. I haven't tried it yet but definitely thinking about it. Ive heard wonderful things about it! Something to Google & look into though & see what you think. Hugs & I'm here if you ever wanna talk or just vent. 😊

[Woodlands_beautiful in reply to Kel76]

Thank you! And I'm going to look at that oil! It put me a bit at ease to hear that this page is also helping you.

[Kel76 in reply to Woodlands_beautiful]

You're so welcome. I was just looking thru my news feed & lovedogs5111 I think is her name, anyhow she just posted the type, brand & mg that she orders. It's helping her so much! So happy 4 her. Also she stopped taking her med then started the CBD & she's doing much better I'm definitely going to look it up. Everyone's different & I've already ask my regular doctor about it 2 see if it would interact with my hormone med & no problem. He said he has a few patients on it & it doesn't seem 2 interact with most if not all meds but some types will show htc on a drug test. Sooo.. maybe some types have a trace of htc . From what I've looked up on it tho, it's a tiny trace & it doesn't make u high, just has a ton of health benefits & is excellent for anxiety, depression, bipoar ECT..

[b1b1b1]

You have quite a few problems. It would be good to try to get yourself out to get a thorough check up from your doctor to make sure there is no underlying medical condition, especially since you feel so tired. Talk therapy would also be helpful for you.

[Jeff1943]

Woodlands, you are going to recover from all this, there are ways forward for you and many others here have felt exactly as you do.

Your anxiety is a perfectly normal reaction to being subject to stress for too long. When we develop anxiety disorder it means our nervous system has become highly sensitised by too much stress and in this state it starts to play mind games with us. Every small problem seems ten times worse than it really is and we become depressed about being anxious. We are reluctant to leave the perceived 'safety' of our home and may develop health anxieties and social anxiety.

But anxiety's bark is worse than it's bite: you cannot die from it, it cannot disable you and it can't send you crazy. But it's still an awful feeling and makes you feel as if you've reached rock bottom.

But I note something very positive in your post that says to me you haven't given up and I believe that positivity can be extended to bring about your complete recovery. What I noticed is that you are making a sustained effort to lose those pounds you piled on. That is most commendable bearing in mind how low you feel.

Ask yourself what stress caused this decline in your mental well being? Reasons can include over-work, disappointment, worry, grief, toxic relationships, loss, only you can say what caused your nerves to become over sensitised. When you have identified the cause you must do whatever it takes to protect yourself from it, this may need ruthless action on your part as you cannot allow what made you ill to continue to do so.

Anxiety is fuelled by fear: each time we have a bad thought or feel some other symptom we generate fear hormones which maintain the over sensitivity of our nerves. To recover we must stem the flow of fear giving your nervous system a chance to recover. When it does you will feel as if you have been reborn and life becomes pleasurable once again.

The method I would suggest was set out long ago in a short book 'Self help for your nerves' written by Claire Weekes. You may have come across it. What it does is to tell you in a reader friendly way how to replace fear with 'acceptance for the time being' because you cannot both fear and accept the symptoms of anxiety at the same time. That book, Woodlands, is a life saver and it can be ordered new or pre-owned from Amazon or for a few £/$ pre-owned from e-bay. I do recommend it as it has worked wonders for people in your present position.

I do hope that this is the beginning of a new phase in your life when you take back you life and step by step raise yourself from the low ebb you find yourself in. There are plenty of people here who can give you good advice based on their own experience with anxiety, do not hesitate to post here as you are among people who care.

[Woodlands_beautiful in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you, it's nice to read a little on how anxiety works and is fuled it's quite enlightening and does five me hope

[valentin77]

Hi Beautiful,

Thank you so much for writing your post.

I am really really impressed with how self aware and honest you are.You really know very fully all the details of your symptoms and I am just amazed at how well you know yourself and are honest and straight in communicating all this horrific experience.

You have such a short and yet accurate and deeply honest and self knowledge communication perhaps you could be a writer or journalist?

I'm sure this is not one jot of help to you however as a consultant psychologist here in London a patient with your clarity and directness would be an ideal.Its like taking your car to a mechanic and giving them a list of everything that is wrong to the perfect degree.They would feel examination,testing and analysis would be totally optional but instead could leap straight to possible cures or techniques to effect these conditions.

I think you should print out your post and add at the end,'any ideas of what you think might be helpful?'

And post,email,text and take it to as many people as you feel able to from strangers to your doctor to your relatives to your work colleagues.

I know this may seem impossible as I remember the first time I phoned a helpline just to talk anonymously about my anxiety and how bad I was feeling I kept lifting the phone up,dialling the number and then put the phone down before anyone spoke and I was a fully adult consultant psychologist!!

When I did finally manage to have the bravery? To talk to someone,(I think it was the samaritans)I felt so much better and started to think maybe I needed regular psychotherapy or needed just to let people know what was happening with me..I did both and felt a LOT better for it.

Amazed at how very few people were unpleasant or uninterested.Amazed at how many many vast majority were caring and lovely.It really changed my view of people in the world to so much more positive and that was 25 years ago!!

Anyway this is totally my story and much may not relate to you but your communication has really lifted me as I see so much of how I used to be,day in day out and how little all that is in my life now.,!How far I have come!! I am only aware from reading your post how so very very very much of my anxiety,depression,hopelessness and over eating has become so tiny I hardly think about it now.

I really really apologise for just talking about myself but this is my honest response.

However,I am still a Doctor(mostly retired)and you would be most welcome to communicate with me,perhaps privately and I would attempt to see if any if my 'mountain' of knowledge,experience,techniques,processes and therapies,most of which you may possibly have never even heard of,might be interesting for you.

One thing to remind yourself of is,EVERY problem ALWAYS has a cause,and if there is a cause there is usually a cure.

My best wishes and may Gid send his angels to help you,Valentin xx

[Woodlands_beautiful in reply to valentin77]

Hello, thank you for your support, is nice to know there are people in this community that are so willing to help, after reading through some replies it feels like a relief to finally have people who can relate to me and have been there themself. In general it just feels nice to be open without judgment as when I have tried to tell people I am close with I often just get answers like, 'oh that awful' and not really any reassuring words to comfort me, I do understand tho that this is probably because they are inexperienced with the situation and may not naturally know the 'right' thing to say.

[valentin77 in reply to Woodlands_beautiful]

Yes,that is true.Many do not have a clue.Or think you are talking about feeling a 'bit stressed'.

You have to get a response from a lot of people to know the good ones.Its quite a surprise.

Many psychiatrists and therapists have no understanding and respond in all the wrong ways.I have often walked out of a consultation as a patient feeling worse!!

One of the best experiences I had was with a taxi cab driver.

I was having a panic attack and he as the best therapy I had ever had.

Apparently his wife suffered from this and he loved his wife totally and was just a natural caring guy but very ordinary and down to earth.

The sympathy,understanding and care(as well as the ride home at speed because I felt I needed to get back to a place of safety,my apartment,he helped so much that even to this day I feel good remembering it.

Advice to you also is to let people know the whole hell of your life.

Print out and give them a copy of your post would be one way.

I have had hoarding disorder for over 50 years.When I tell my doctor,a psychologist,or just people in general,they show sympathy but I can see they don't 'get it'.So I carry on my mobile phone a few pictures of my apartment.

So many times,even with doctors or psychologists I have talked about my hoarding disorder and as sympathetic as they might be,I then show even one photograph of my living room and their face drops.

NOW they get it.

And sometimes you have to go into many of the details or really speak the worst for others to 'click' that you are really suffering and need support.

So have a think,maybe print out your excellent post on here to hand out to people or maybe some other method but whatever you do give yourself several gold stars for communicating on this forum,because you are already doing it!

There was a great phrase a charity used 'DONT SUFFER ALONE,JUST PICK UP THE PHONE'.😄

[Woodlands_beautiful in reply to valentin77]

Can you please private message me? I cannot message you.

[Cat33 in reply to valentin77]

Fantastic reply you are a very caring person

[Indigojoe in reply to valentin77]

Valentin77, what a beautiful compassionate reply!

[Cat33]

So desperately sorry to hear how you are feeling my heart goes out to you

I cannot recommend highly enough Self Help For Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes She will tell you no matter how ill and for how long you have been suffering you can and will get better if you follow her advice

You must stop beating yourself up about this your whole post is as if this is all your fault and you have to apologise to people Stop that today and think in a totally different way you are ill you need to heal if you had just had a major operation or whatever you would not be posting like this Do they know at work why you have not been there ? This is actually making me mad as you should not be suffering the way you are and feel so alone it's not right Please please go back to your doctor and get the help and guidance you so need Put yourself first from now on be kind to yourself try and tell people look online there are lots of organisations that can help you

I am sending you all my love and hope that you will start your recovery today the book will show you the way

Take loads of care of yourself you are precious don't forget that 🌹