Didn't see it coming and now terrified

[MattBuckland]

Never wrote on a forum before, not sure what I am looking for. But there seemed to be caring nice people here so I felt I could share.

Have had anxiety and depression for over twenty years now and have bad times but never anything like I am having now. Had been having suicidal thoughts regularly for about three months (should have been a heads up that something wasn't right you would think) but functioning. Last week after a phone call from a colleague I lost all confidence and ended up having a panic attack for the first time in years. Went to see the doctor and got a prescription of veneflaxine (sorry spelling not good) and had a terrible reaction not sleeping for two days. I got this changed and now have been prescribed sertraline which I have been on before.

My work has always been the solid part of my life but I am now terrified of going back (off for two days) and struggling to concentrate on things at all. I have been pacing back and forth in my small bedroom and am being bombarded by negative thoughts. Worried that if I can get into work I am just going to sit in front of the computer and freeze.

Seeing a counsellor on Thursday for session two so something to look forward to. Just want to go back to being me and terrified that I won't be able to.

Sorry for the ramble, just very tired and scared.

Matt

[Hidden]

Hello Matt and welcome

You know I suffered with anxiety for years and back then there was no support and no one spoke about it like they do now , so I would cope in a fashion but I think when you do it is just like growing slowly till one day it just is there full blown and you think what happened , I didn't see this coming !

I am glad you have been to the Doctors and you are already in therapy , both as you know will help but as you will also know will take time

If work has been your security throughout all these years you are bound to feel afraid when you feel you are loosing control but that is how anxiety/depression makes us feel and the more we fear the more control it has over us

Not sure what kind of job you do , kind of company , if you work for someone else but if you do have you spoken to them about how you feel and what is happening at the moment in your life , I know you may feel you do not want to but my motto has always been that I do not shout from the roof tops what my issues are but on " A need to know basis " I am very open about them , wondering if you have not already if this could be " A need to know basis "moment for you relating with work

It is no good me saying don't worry because if it was as easy as that we might not even need Communities like this , but if you sit in front of the Computer and freeze what is the worst thing that can happen ? other than maybe you saying you don't feel as well as you thought to the manager than you thought you did on your return

Take tomorrow in small steps try not to visualize the whole day adding the worse scenarios to it but just take the day as it comes and I am sure things will no doubt be a lot better than your anxiety wants you to believe and I hope you will come on and tell us how it went

Take Care x

[kimmy22 in reply to Hidden]

Very well written reply and Im sure will be very much appreciated by Matt, and many others going though these feelings. I hope you get the help you need Matt and in tough times there really are some caring people on this site.

[MattBuckland in reply to kimmy22]

Hi Kimmy

It is appreciated. Thanks too for your support.

Matt

[MattBuckland in reply to Hidden]

Hi

Thanks for the welcome and the thoughtful response (which I will think on).

I have spoken to people at work and they have been very good, it is really me that is worrying. I thinking taking it step by step is a good idea. Hoping at the very least I can get some sleep tonight. I will let people know how I get on. Great to have somewhere to speak with people that understand.

Thanks again, Matt