Never wrote on a forum before, not sure what I am looking for. But there seemed to be caring nice people here so I felt I could share.
Have had anxiety and depression for over twenty years now and have bad times but never anything like I am having now. Had been having suicidal thoughts regularly for about three months (should have been a heads up that something wasn't right you would think) but functioning. Last week after a phone call from a colleague I lost all confidence and ended up having a panic attack for the first time in years. Went to see the doctor and got a prescription of veneflaxine (sorry spelling not good) and had a terrible reaction not sleeping for two days. I got this changed and now have been prescribed sertraline which I have been on before.
My work has always been the solid part of my life but I am now terrified of going back (off for two days) and struggling to concentrate on things at all. I have been pacing back and forth in my small bedroom and am being bombarded by negative thoughts. Worried that if I can get into work I am just going to sit in front of the computer and freeze.
Seeing a counsellor on Thursday for session two so something to look forward to. Just want to go back to being me and terrified that I won't be able to.
Sorry for the ramble, just very tired and scared.