Yesterday was BAAAAAD. My phone was dead. My boyfriend just fixed it. I woke up fearing schizophrenia again and didn’t want to be left alone... so when my boyfriend left for work, I slept, and my phone was just done.
I felt a wave of dark thoughts and depression.. I am never depressed but I felt HOPELESS. And terrified. I thought of a coworker who had psychosis and freaked myself the f out, thinking “what if this happens to me???” and cried in the shower. I was so scared I was gonna die or something would happen or a symptom would show up and I’d have no phone. My boyfriend got home at 9pm and I had been crying on the couch.. he was worried I was getting anxiety worse again from tapering but I had to explain it’s definitely the Zoloft. I never felt like that. He asked me if any of my fears happened and I said no.. but I’m afraid the doctors missed something! I’m so so scared of losing control and going insane.
We went to see the Marvel movie, and I didn’t have to take Zoloft last night. We got home at 2am and didn’t sleep - I came with my bf to his work. He fixed me phone ❤️ and I’m still anxious. Trying to calm down but my god.. my head just feels weird!
Hope everyone is having a better day.. I’m hoping it gets better here!
You're doing great. Knowing that your brain is just going through chemical adjustment is the fact for you to hold on to, and it sounds like you're doing it. Good for you.
I've never had psychosis but OMG I'm so scared I will develop it and never come back. I have bipolar & am also scared I'll slip into mania.
I will freak out about it until I'm hyper sensitive, and then everything feels like a symptom. I'll start questioning if I'm seeing stuff or hearing stuff. My symptoms only come at night. Weird right? But it's so awesome (not for us) that there's someone else that shares these same fears!
You poor thing!! Have you discussed your fear with the doctor? The fears are absolutely terrifying. I’m trying so hard not to ask for reassurance because it fuels the anxiety so much more but I did again this morning. It’s scary! My advice to you is that you haven’t slipped into those states before so chances are that you won’t. My doc keeps giving me statistics. I don’t know how old you are, but for me, at 28, with a history of panic, it’s not likely at all. Most people experience this very young if they are to. Nowadays, I’m more afraid of it potentially ABOUT to happen, vs it happening. I hope that’s a good step!
How is Zoloft treating you? I poked your old posts and saw that you didn’t like it early on.
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Thanks so much!! 
Post Zoloft update 
