Not sure if anyone will actually read this, but I shall be truthful if nothing else. I have a fear and a problem right now. Because every single person may have a different fear, I have never downplayed any fear a person has.
Tonight, as I type, I am terrified. Why? I will admit….I honestly do not want to admit it but I feel alone at the moment, and so I will. As I type my stomach makes noises. Anxiety and nerves I am sure. I have Emetophobia, which is a fancy medical term for the fear of throwing up. I have rarely done it and the last time I did was in 2002. Tonight I unknowingly ate most of a double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonalds.
As one may imagine, I am terrified that I will get e-coli, food poisoning or some other illness that promotes vomiting. Why after a good run of a couple miles did I later decide to eat subpar food anyway is a bad enough choice all by itself? So I, of course, went the Google route. I have read everything from don’t worry all the way up to…. you will die. Death does not scare me. Spend enough time on tours over in the sand and it becomes second nature…yet all these years later I fear throwing up. Death is something I don’t fear. I don’t want to die and leave here….I like it here…but I don’t fear it. Just another chapter.
So what now. Wait….and wait…pray…make promises to God I may not be able to keep. I am Catholic. I am Opus Dei (Davinci code movie made us look nuts. I mean really….an Albino murdering monk and let’s not forget…we are some secret society? Not really. Not at all. This post is getting off track) …..SO…..
I have bottles of Zofran (never took it) and klonpoin and a hard desire to survive this all, incident free.
Send some good thoughts my way if you can. Faceless people, random strangers who will read the words I type….We are not alone.