Tonight, as I type, I am terrified. Why? I will admit….I honestly do not want to admit it but I feel alone at the moment, and so I will

Not sure if anyone will actually read this, but I shall be truthful if nothing else. I have a fear and a problem right now. Because every single person may have a different fear, I have never downplayed any fear a person has.

Tonight, as I type, I am terrified. Why? I will admit….I honestly do not want to admit it but I feel alone at the moment, and so I will. As I type my stomach makes noises. Anxiety and nerves I am sure. I have Emetophobia, which is a fancy medical term for the fear of throwing up. I have rarely done it and the last time I did was in 2002. Tonight I unknowingly ate most of a double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonalds.

As one may imagine, I am terrified that I will get e-coli, food poisoning or some other illness that promotes vomiting. Why after a good run of a couple miles did I later decide to eat subpar food anyway is a bad enough choice all by itself? So I, of course, went the Google route. I have read everything from don’t worry all the way up to…. you will die. Death does not scare me. Spend enough time on tours over in the sand and it becomes second nature…yet all these years later I fear throwing up. Death is something I don’t fear. I don’t want to die and leave here….I like it here…but I don’t fear it. Just another chapter.

So what now. Wait….and wait…pray…make promises to God I may not be able to keep. I am Catholic. I am Opus Dei (Davinci code movie made us look nuts. I mean really….an Albino murdering monk and let’s not forget…we are some secret society? Not really. Not at all. This post is getting off track) …..SO…..

I have bottles of Zofran (never took it) and klonpoin and a hard desire to survive this all, incident free.

Send some good thoughts my way if you can. Faceless people, random strangers who will read the words I type….We are not alone.

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7 Replies

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  • My thoughts and prayers are with you fellow warrior we are fighting a battle that seems endless but I promise you that your salvation and solution will come one day!

  • Thanks That is kind of you.

  • Faceless people, random strangers and yet we more than understand what you feel. Sometimes in a room full of people, we can feel alone. Here on the forum you never are. Sending the best of thoughts to you. We are virtually all holding hands because we care.

  • Agora how have you been. For some reason I was banned from posting and had to get a new account lol

  • I don't know if I should be laughing (because you were so random with the catholic comment ) or cry with you because the fear is so real.... but I thoroughly enjoyed your post !!! And can relate to the fear .... god bless you and it will get better !!!

  • you will be fine. relax xo

  • Hi I am a Christian and I believe with all my heart that God is a loving, forgiving and merciful father who does not need or want you to make promises. All that He asks of you is that you love Him, accept His son Jesus and the saving grace He brings and go forth and love others.

    So when you pray you don't need to make him any promise but instead thank him for His love and His grace and ask him to help you overcome this and to trust in His power over fear.

    He promises His peace and comfort through His holy spirit. The sacrifice has already been made so God needs nothing from you other than your love and trust.

    It may take time and patience on your part but in His time and with His help you can and will overcome this.

    I hope this helps

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