Hi, I'm new to this forum but wonder if anyone has similar feelings. I have been on meds for many years but very low dose and recently decided to try and wean myself off them slowly with the help of my GP because I have been feeling the best I have done for years. I started a new job in January which is great having been bullied in my previous job for having mental health problems. I then started with sinusitis and was prescribed antibiotics and had to take time off work, the manager was very understanding and said it was just one of those things and didn't expect me to go into work. I ended up taking 3 days off but when I returned I began to get very anxious. I was having hot flushes and sweating but feeling cold, feeling disorientated, lethargic, dithering legs, couldn't join in conversations and would go off to the toilet to cry my eyes out 2 or 3 times a day.
Last week I was on holiday for a week and went to stay in a nice hotel for a couple of days with my wife but initially I was so stressed I had to take diazepam to calm down. I started back at work this week but yesterday (Wednesday) I broke down at home prior to going to work and rang for an ambulance as was not coping at all and had feelings that the only way to get out of this cycle would be to harm myself as the feelings of constant worrying were terrifying. I was calmed down by the person on the other end of the phone and was told to make an emergency appointment at the doctors. My wife was horrified with the thought I wanted to harm myself which in hindsight is completely understandable and this made my feelings worse as I felt I had let her and my 2 daughters down.
I went to the doctors and was prescribed beta blockers and upped my citalopram to 30 mg per day. I also have diazepam that I can use at the worse times.
I woke up this morning and the dread set in again. Walked to work and broke down crying so took 4 mg diazepam. This took the edge off the worry but still there. I then took a beta blocker at lunchtime and began to feel very distraught, distant, disorientated and spaced out and still feel like this now 7 hours later but maybe slightly less so. To make things worse the sun has been out and that seems to make me feel worse as I get very sensitive to sunlight when anxious so pray for dull cloudy days - I know it's stupid but that's how it affects me. I often think I'm going ma and going to lose it but try to hang on in there.
Does anyone else identify with the same feelings? I am told that many people do but I have never spoken to anyone with similar feelings and feel like an outcast.
Sorry to go on, and on, and on........ But wanted to get my story out there to see if anyone else feels the same.