Hello to everyone, I am new to this forum,
So It all started 2 months ago, I was on my computer and was scrolling my Facebook timeline...suddently The news about Chester from Linking Park popped up, and I had an anxiety atack, since then i have intrusive thoughts about self-harm.... so i was terrified and started googling the results were "major depression". I became even more terrified. I am so scared. Also i started having thoughts that life is pointless and so on....I really don't want to think that way. Also there is a dark feeling that makes it seems real. I went to my psychologist and I shared with him the whole story. He said that i won't finish like Chester and there was a temporary relief, also we spoke about nihilism and he said "nihilism people say that they don't want kids on this terrible world" so of course that stucked into my head and feels real accompanied by a dark feeling again. Thoughts like it will be easier to.....i don't even want to say that word. I don't have history of depression, but I do have history of OCD episodes(drug related). Also I can't stop googling since then(I think this is an ocd symptom, but again I am not completely sure.) Also there isn't history of depression in my family. I am afraid that I am depressed and will never be my old self again.
I don't have the typical symptoms of depression like low self-esteem, I don't feel worthless and so on, but i do have tiredness and lack of apetite and seems like my emotions are less. I aslo have trichotillomania but I am glad that i don't touch my hair.
I also cut the alcohol because I am scared that i will lose control and eventually...you know.
So do you think it is Pure-O OCD?
Sorry for the long post.